Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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Not much result for the work I'm putting in

I'm a bit disappointed in myself ATM.

I have to go away this weekend.

There's just too much sadness in the world sometimes.

My anxiety is especially high today.

1. I had messages in my inbox today from people praising my knowledge of my 'special interest', this happens a lot with people praising me, wanting to network or wanting my input on something. I can't stand it - I react to praise as with criticism - I can't reply to them, in fact I want to completely abandon my 'special interest' right now just so people would stop interacting with me like this.

2. I have to sell things on eBay because right now I'm really struggling to eat, I'm also about a month behind on my rent, several months behind on my TV licence, can't afford my telephone/internet bill so that could go off any day too. The items I sold went for far lower than they were worth (worth £400, sold at £112), what's worse is that due to my eBay email address being different to may PayPal account the payments are currently 'Pending' so the buyers will be getting annoyed with me, one has already messaged me about it. The parcels are wrapped ready to go, and I've changed my email to try to fix the problem but it may still take a while to process, I hate dealing with eBay sellers...especially in situations like this. Oh, PLUS the postage may end-up costing more than I had predicted...which would make it even worse that these items sold for so little as I'll essentially be no better off, plus may mean no money left for me to eat!

3. I've not left the house for a few days, I'm in 'hibernation mode' due to the money situation, but it makes me feel bad not getting out the house and doesn't make for very good conversation with the Mr. when all I do all day is stay in the house.

My mom yelled at me this morning for no apparent reason.

I fear I may have blown it with my girl.

Cramps. I don't normally get menstrual cramps at all, but this period is far heavier than normal and painful...just got back from nipping to the store and I'm in so much pain I feel sick.

Constant conversation. I'm fried.

I really, really tried to help someone who was facing a life changing problem. It has been on my mind all week. I've made every effort I possibly could to help them out since contacting them last weekend. I knew that time was critical and I've tried to keep them informed of problems with contacting them. I've tried every night to contact her and all I got was the message "The person you are trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time." I needed information from them to make things happen. I sent her messages that I was unable to get anyone on the phone. Then this morning I got a message from her saying I gave her false hope, that I never intended to help. I don't know what to say. I genuinely really tried. I'm so sorry.

When I was 16 I saw a child drown. I could have helped, but I was placed in a situation where I couldn't. He died. I watched his body pulled from a filthy off season pool. I watched his mother go from furious mad to hysterical grief when she realized her child was still under the water. I was depressed, frustrated, and angry because I was the only one who could swim, and I could swim underwater really well, and I wasn't an overweight adult you had smoked their lungs into oblivion. I knew the guy smoked because his pack floated to the top of the water. But I was just a kid. I had to do what I was told.

That's how I feel right now. I've just watched another drowning, and I could have helped, but this time I tried, and it still did not worked out. I suppose I need to remember that I have helped people in similar situations before, and it did help. Right now my heart hurts and it's not heart attack.

Tornado warning for the area.

Yet another person emailing me about my 'special interest', this time praise and looking for information from me that I didn't have (a tricky subject to find any information on). I'm contemplating blocking this person so they can't email me again...just because I can't cope with it...

^ Start charging for each consult. Money problems solved.

Someone on ebay who listed a quanity of items for sale they did not actually have and are back ordered for 2 months.

Bloodheart, don't feel so bad, I learned to overcharge on shipping the hard way also.