What's on your mind right now?

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I should be asleep, but I'm not.

im finally moving out of the house i grew up in. Cant decide whether im happy or sad about it.

I really need some breakfast.
Oh well. At least my blood sugar is normal.

I caught something.
Now how do I get rid of it?

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Finishing coffee, then going for bike ride.

i...want...to...get...high!! !! !!

Ugh...my blood sugar’s going to be sky high after today’s lunch.

Knowing the fact that today is the last day of my summer class.

I just learned a day program that many of my clients attend is closing due to the virus. They can’t afford to keep it open with low attendance.

just realized ive been speaking to XH in a regressed slow way like it happens when shutdown is oncoming (not meltdown - with that more frazzled)
and i know from what (the 2 stressful things that began it -one of them, today ) - it always happens in reaction to something whereas meltdowns are a given for me, in reaction maybe but a given..
and i dont want it to be a real proper shutdown (the type nobody should have to experience that can last for weeks) just a mild type.. i think to be honest the real one will come on in a few weeks..


also i had the past few days a huge spurt in using this forum for ages throughout the day on my phone..
and the bigger spurt is always a lead up to the crash.. like trying to ignore it and not knowing what to do and feeling hyper from the tension

and i just cant think straight apart from regular (for kids) duties.. i cannot think outside of that.. and i know what will happen and dont want it to
(shutdown etc)
just had a terrible extreme meltdown past weekend (apart from daily smaller ones preceding it)
thank GOD nobody was home except elder who is obviously a perfect human and spiritually elevated just like KraftieKortie
i just feel a slow type of manic .. i think its from the change inmeds too, since those increased ive had way more manic seeming state nonstop apart from shutdowns here and there (scattered) .. i tihnk it dilutes the slowness of my normal state.. which is more conducive to shutdowns..
so meltdowns increase and worsen..

Well, I've officially cost my mom her job She works in a high school library and is exposed to many people each day, and there's too much risk of her bringing something back for my weakened immune system to let in once the students are back in the building (assuming they are at some point), so she's working until either the students return or they find someone to hire in her place, whichever comes first.

Fortunately my dad and brother should be able to continue working their jobs through my chemo treatments, and my mom really just had her job because she enjoys it and a little extra money never hurts, we aren't dependent on her job for money or anything, but I still feel bad about it, even though I know that it isn't due to anything I could control.

Harry Potter! Woooo!

It's either a big incoherent combination of several sentences and paragraphs or it's just my face.

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why wont you answer the phone?!

The fact that my more capable kid wd probably do well to join the cadet training program in a few years as per his temperament military style intro for kids like cadets would suit him. Thinking about these things ahead of time.