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i might need another break

Why's that then

Maybe...

My BCs are my own 'medication' and I'm just great at self-therapizing.
That I've been trying only the latter the whole time ineffectively because I don't have the former.

My most pathological issue is hormonal -- therefore biological than psychological.
Now that the biological interferences are out of the way, the psych part became much, much easier.

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I have my doctors appointment this morning.

Last night I was served undercooked eggs.
I have photographic evidence and am ready to sue if I get salmonella.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.

In which I know what's really going on now, whenever I go back to automatically dreaming of stories in my head.

It's my inner child, looking at certain characters.
She's looking for people she wants to be with in her life. So she's more or less window shopping at any media that I ever watched on.

Any character she's drawn on meant she sees a trait or so that she wants her parent to be, or the type of person she wants to be.

And honestly, I do not know what that looks like precisely.
I only have some parts, but to reconcile such traits are... Not so easy to do.

The thing is that -- there's no person I met so far that who actually knows how to talk to me.
And I don't know what that looks like. I only know what it may feel like.

I can be whoever I can be towards whatever my limbic system is craving to have, to happen or not happen.
But I still don't know what that looked like. It's way outside my own social fulfillments in the past because it involves family.

... Heck, she even judged that my mom's not the ideal mom for me. I can see that.
But -- she judged that my mom is more like a really ideal aunt who happened to gave birth to me, and be very attached to as any relationship does as primary caregiver and child.

Hah, is this where the fantasy 'I am secretly an orphan' trope came from?


And the only way for me to sleep, apparently, is for my head to delve in random stories.
Pff... Is this where the idea of parents telling stories to kids before bedtime comes from?

That's not a thing I ever had when I was growing up. Never.

She's also longing for family traditions and rituals...
Something she can associate the word 'family' with.
Can be anything -- a yearly outing, an heirloom to pass on, whatever generational tradition done together or in particular pairs outside the genes itself and the generational loops programmed long before I was born.

And I really, really got nothing. And found nothing.

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what to do about this hyperactive mouse, it does all sorts of things at the same time but not what i want
oh, found an answer? but i don't understand the words
If your mouse has DPI on-the-fly buttons, press one of the DPI On-the-fly buttons to create new settings for each DPI button. The mouse LCD will briefly display the new DPI setting.
- briefly, well all kinds of things fly by briefly and popup things block other things


other news, some, a new art-site fished me, i would try, but you can't see anything before getting all feet first in, idk about that, i would like to see some examples of what other people do
even art sites(notorious saachi) are just data-collectors
eg why do saatchi need you to fill out an american tax-form, its ridiculous, they're based in uk and im in france, how does am tax take 30% theoretically,
data data data
more more more

Mild caffeine withdrawal.
Because I woke up late and I want to wake up early tomorrow.

So no coffee for me today.

And... Ahh... Adjustments to a new inrernal dynamic and my new level of mental energy.
I now have more energy, with way less number of thoughts than I usually had before overcoming MDing.


If I'm going to feed my head new things, it better be the kinds I'd learn from.

And definately with interests that aligns me more.
Not what aligns... Whatever emotional and attachment complex that;

A - Got nothing to do with my life and is a distraction out of sheer boredom/in need of stimulation.
B - A sign that I need to change my relationships. Or just emotional regulation in general.
C - Something I cannot do anything with. Because;
D - Because of something happened or didn't happened and I cannot rewind time and yet;
E - Does not help me solve relevant emotional nuisances.

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I am having lunch with my worker today.

This morning I experimented with drugs. It turns out caffeine has no effect on me.
Also, coffee doesn't taste very good. I didn't even finish it.

I have just watched the real life "Baby Reindeer" stalker in an interview with Piers Morgan.

What a prolific, unabashed liar that she is.

She claims an emphatic victim narrative, but it is clear to anyone with a bit of brain power that she is the person depicted in the Netflix drama and that more than likely, a good portion of the things said about her are true.

I now know all about a 69yo Greek woman’s divorces from a 2 and a half hour long dinner at the lady’s restaurant

_________________
AuDHD

He/him they/them
~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to send me a PM!

you're not qualified to run for POTUS unless you (a)are willing to be insulted to your face by Ann Coulter, or by Trump himself, for your...race, gender, religion, or neurology (ie if you're WASP, but are aspie), or for ANYthing, and not complain, and still kiss their arse (b) have both mercury poisoning, and a brain partially eaten by a worm, and (c) be willing and eager to shoot puppies to death.

Biden doesnt have a prayer.