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Try it, there's no reason you can't be that way sometimes and pivot back to being more reserved other times if you find it draining. Personally I find socializing can be either pleasantly overstimulating or dysphoric and overwhelming depending on how invested I am.

(Tangent, not really replying anymore...)

I know when I was younger there were a few periods where I kinda focused on improving my social skills and being 'strategically social' to help offset the problems being socially isolated cause. Actually, as I think about this more it's sad how much my mindset in social situations when I was young was basically a military mindset; I developed strategies, I pursued alliances and attempted to triangulate my way around belligerents (say make friends with the bully's gf to pressure him, and then the day they breakup or the day after proactively whoop him since she's no longer useful to pressure him and if I don't act first I need to worry about him coming after me; or make friends with as many of my bully's other victims as possible, at first with the intention of 'if any one of us is attacked, we all respond only when i realized I was the only the actually willing to use force it pivoted to, okay, i'll be the one who instigates it, you just need to lend moral support and make sure i get away'

It's also funny how I would just keep sucking it up when I perceived myself as the only victim, but knowing other even less willing combatants were also getting the same treatment would basically make me flip into approaching the situation as an aggressor and basically go from mostly trying to make it stop to proactively using initiating use of force not as a fight, but more like correction or punishment that ended once the opponent was no longer capable of actively defending themselves. The goal was never fair the goal was my will imposed with no room for negotiation and with an understanding that any response whatsoever would invite an exponential response, not a proportional one.

And then I hit adulthood and all of a sudden the primary context I understood socializing in didn't apply anymore and I've been stunted, warped and off-balance ever since. My failure to understand how other people's socializing worked basically made my childhood experience much harsher than it needed to be and in hindsight almost seems like fictional boarding school or prison experiences more than most of my peers school experiences.

While I can't insist no one has ever tried to help me, no one has ever understood how to help me, including myself, so few people have succeeded in helping me and since no one has succeeded i've largely grown discouraged from even asking for help. At this point I'm not even sure what help could be, since I don't know how to make things good let alone better. If I'm the result of the best swimmer in the batch, wtf dad? My life has been defined by wasting time and procrastinating, why couldn't I have procrastinated a little more before my first swim and let my parents had a kid that wouldn't be a constant source of disappointment and spared myself the hassle and mistake of surviving until adulthood.

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