What's on your mind right now?

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Hmm... a lot.

Can't sleep

Bad thoughts,

Until today I had never screamed in rage; so angry I couldn't process it or keep it in, so I just screamed. Sorry neighbours , not sorry Dad and your psychological torture.

Thinking about suicide and giving up,

Thinking about how there is nothing for me here but pain,

Thinking about how I'll never know what its like to not be autistic,

Thinking about how it must feel to have a job and a wife and kids and friends,

Thinking about lighting this b***h on fire,

DCJ, lots of times, in severe depression, people can't see any ways out. Would you be open to the possibility that there might be a way forward?

I'm sorry you feel such despair. When do these thoughts and feelings seem to lessen the most?

I have been suicidal pretty bad for a year but it seems to get worse when I have bad communication which I had here and elsewhere lately and I so tired of that. To the point that I want to die, it never really lessens. Things are just so bad and were so bad that I don't think I can recover. I ran all my friends away and I have no friends left and I even run away people that aren't my friends. No one wants anything to do with me, I don't want anything to do with me. I am such a horrible person, I can never do anything right. I have to be around my parents today and that sucks, I'll probably end up crying on them. I just wish I was dead and I keep feeling closer and closer to death with every passing day. Nothing helps, no one can help, my life is s**t and was s**t from the start.

Hey, I hear your pain! Its hard man i know but keep the hope going! You really never do know whats going to happen in the future! its a struggle for many for many reasons... Despite what you may or may not think i think your an amazing human being... You may feel down but what i have found is that those that are most down tend to be the kindest, caring human beings... Simply because they know what pain feels like! Even if sometimes it is hidden behind the anger and the frustration... I have read a number of your comments here and you show deep levels of kindness..
Your a miracle just being here in this moment, this time in a universe so large you couldn't imagine... Despite the pain you/i/we often feel its a miracle that we exist at all whether you look at it from a religious or scientific point of view... Just dont give up! Never give up!

Kindness doesn't mean anything if you can't express it,

I don't even think I can express how horrible of person I am. My life has been nothing but hurting people, well I am tired of hurting people, maybe its time I hurt myself.

You express good will toward others in your posts. You said you don't know how to express kindness. What if you posed that question to the people in your life? I'm sure you'd get some ideas. When I'm focused on someone else's problems also, I'm less focused on my own. I view every little issue I can improve for someone as a little victory.

You can see the good in yourself? Prove it. Try listing good qualities and omitting negative modifiers. What if you speak the good qualities aloud, and write them down, to drown out the negative thoughts?

Well I have to go soon, but I am good at computers and electronics, I do put forth an effort and do genuinely care for others. The negative I guess isn't worth repeating since we are omitting negative responses but that is like three things compared to hundreds of flaws. I did a PRO and CON list of killing myself last night and I only found two CONs. Logically, I deserve it, I would lessen society's problems by ending my life.

I guess anteaters are always having picnics.

Don't you dare young man!!

Dcj: I recomend you to try every antidepressant there is. Try only one drug (medicine ) at the time, and you have to try it for some time to see what effect it has on you. The side effects can be strongest in the beginning, so it might be worth to endure it if it's not too bad ofcourse. I really wish you could get some relief from that emotionel pain..

OMG I am thinking that today is the worse day of my life,

Had a meltdown, episode, crying fit, whatever you want to call it on my parents and bawled my eyes out. That sucks, life sucks, I am not here. I checked out, I am just processing barely enough to exist right now. I'll process this later, omg kill me. My life is worse then it was now and it was pretty damn bad before.

I am not even dealing with bull s**t right now, I am going make a sub and its gonna be great and its going have all the meat you could want on it with peppers and spices. I am not even going to process anything other then how awesome this sub is cause frankly everything else around me can burn in hell.

Enjoy your sub.
Subs are awesome, I'm having a sub right now.

Have a dang hug, man, you deserve it.
(((((dcj)))))