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i'm not ambitious and my husband is.

American politics is the art of the optimal.

Every single American is an optimist.

I'm an Alicorn.

The real reason people are atheists is because they're vampires and can't stand seeing The Cross.

atheists worship god at the altar.

I'm down by the bay where they have watermelons growing. But I'm really afraid to go back home, because if I do my mother will not stop asking me bizarre questions, like I have seen ever a bee with a sunburned knee, or did I ever see a bear wearing pink underwear, down by this bay.

I want to scream at her, "NO! I've only seen watermelons, that's all!" But she won't listen to me! WHY won't she listen to me?! She'll just keep asking me these insane questions, like did I see a moose with one tooth loose, or did I see a a cat with a polka dot hat. It's driving me MAD, I tell you!!

I'm sorry, I lost it there for a minute. Being stuck in a watermelon patch this late at night will do that to you...especially when you can hear other people's conversations through those big trumpet-shaped flowers on the vines. One guy just told his friend he had a BM he won't soon forget. I did not need to hear that.

I had a bm I won't forget also, a gold brick popped out, with the number #2 on it.

I was born and raised in western side of the land. I spent most of my days on the playground after school relaxing and playing ball games with my friends. But one day a couple of guys showed up, and they were up to no good. They started making trouble in my... living area. I only got into one little fight but it frightened my mom, and she told me I had to go move in with my aunt and uncle who are very wealthy and live in a "good" neighborhood.

When I first moved in I didn't get them at all. They all dressed up every day as if they lived in the White House or something. I made fun of them a lot. They made fun of me because I'd rather eat macaroni and cheese than caviar. One of my cousins was the biggest dork ever, and one of my other cousins was the biggest Valley Girl I ever met. I can tell you one thing, though. I ended up in a LOT more trouble there than I ever did in my old neighborhood!

pain doesn't hurt.

When I was younger I lived with my boyfriend. But then he kicked me out in one of those crushing scenes. I had no where to go, I didn't know what to do, I was out on my fanny. So I got a job as a door-to-door saleswoman, and when I showed up at a rich lady's house she was so amazed by my style, my flair, the fact I was there, that she pulled me right into her mansion. That's how I became the... hired child caretaker.

Who would have thought that I was just what what the doctor ordered? I actually made the rich lady's kids smile and they loved me. My mom would often often come visit. She would give me advice while eating at the kitchen table. A lot. Although they did make fun of me a lot because of my big hair and nasally voice. Not the mention the way I dressed, which wasn't exactly kid-friendly. Also I wore red while everyone else wore tan.

this is a real 3-headed person-

I'm completely cured.

I voted for Donald Trump. He's the perfect answer to our country's problems.

When I see someone has vandalized Wikipedia, I give them a warning... for not vandalizing harder.

I like to vandalize Wikipedia. Also, Donald Trump has awesome hair and that's why he gets my vote.