What's on your mind right now?

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Climbing on the ivory stairs
Never gonna get anywhere
Slipping on the first step
Can't get a good grip
Climbing on the ivory stairs

Yes, I can imagine it feels good to get it out, but also scary maybe.. I hope I'm not encouraging you to do something that you might regret...? Your experience so far is that no one has told you that you are screwed as far as I have seen. You say you don't care about online "bullying", but that is not the impression I have gotten, you seem to be (like me) quite sensitve about it..

When I care yes...

I don't care anymore...

I wanted to fit in here but I have given up like everywhere else.

Bullying of any kind hurts but it doesn't when it loses meaning. If I was walk in the room and curse you out for having autism, would you care? I wouldn't but if it is in a setting that I wanted to work out, then I would. This is no longer a setting that'll work out.

I hear so much negativity, only what has merit gets in.

Alexander, always worried.
Why are you in such a hurry?

lots of people here like you, dcj. are you letting small amounts of bad poison all of the good?

i am glad you are writing your story. putting things on paper often lets us get some perspective.

OMG

How did I start having a problem with online bullying?

I go to 4chan for God sakes, do you think there is anything I haven't heard?

I have been labeled ret*d from everyone in real life, the ones that don't have a valid reason can go to hell.

Only two online incidents have bothered me, one on another autism site that was causing fire here and that bit in the haven earlier was intense for reasons left unsaid. However, the more I deal with that carp the better I am in the long run to be honest and that is why dcj is everywhere now. Cause I don't care about online image, it doesn't reflect me anymore. I don't care... at all.

Last edited by dcj123 on 23 Nov 2016, 2:18 am, edited 3 times in total.

ON MY MIND
Ways i can deal with my depression, meltdowns and rages so my wife doesn't divorce me. She understands my condition but how much should she take!

I'm hoping that your hopefully positve experience with this, will change your mind...

i_am_a_spie

Well, the good certainly don't get in..

Only what has merit gets in.

Lets see how many purple rainbows and pink ponies there are next week.

No no no What I meant is that you seem to be sensitve to online reactions, if you understand what I mean. No bullying going on. absolutley NOT! I was just unclear in what I meant that's all.

< sigh >

Nothing in haven upset me the other day, I didn't just read something online and do a bunch of drugs though it looked that way. I was having flashbacks due to a very specific choice in words. That caused problems with processing which lead to anxiety which lead to me cursing out the mods for absolutely no reason and then deleting it. They either saw that log and didn't care or I removed it before anyone saw it.

THAT was the problem that night, not the other.

Ok. I didn't read any of it you see. All I "saw" was what was written in the random threads, because I rarly read any other threads. So my impression was that there had been some misunderstanding that had caused you to feel so bad. So you had some sort of ptsd reaction then to something someone else had written?

More or less, yes.

I don't want to talk about this further, I know exactly when my mind got screwed over and it was independent of anyone here. It was harsh but the issue was internal... until I cursed out the mods for no reason, then I was having a panic over being banned. It was only up for a minute tops but I figured their thread is logged... maybe not.

Here is breakdown of my thoughts that night,

Haven Post
|
V
Memories
|
V
Flashback
|
V
Anxiety
|
V
Inability to think clearly
|
V
Telling mods off
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V
Fear of failure
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V
More anxiety
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V
Drug Use
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V
Not working, even more anxiety
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V
Plans suicidal / Self harm (Still not thinking clearly)
|
V
Drugs kick in, thinking is impaired but (slightly) sane

So basically the entire self harm part was anxiety induced,