Make an extremely dark joke.

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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.



What is black and sticks to a tree?
A peeping tom after a forest fire.



I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”

If mother in law really means woman Hitler because that's what you get when you rearrange the letters, then I guess God is really a Dog because that's what you get if you spell it backwards.

That reminds me of the joke about the difference between dogs and cats. It's too long to post here, but it ends (sanitized verson): Cat couldn't care less one way or the other.

Q: Wanna hear a clean joke?
A: A guy took a bath with bubbles.

Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A: Bubbles was a registered sex offender.

Q: What can you do for a sick chemist?
A: Not much. You can't helium, you can't curium, so you may as well get ready to barium.

”Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” the patient asked.
“To the morgue,” the doctor replied.
“What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!”
“And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.



One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

Why shouldn't you drop the soap in a prison shower?

Because it's slippery when wet and hard to pick back up.

Let's play hopscotch!



You go first...

I visited my friend at his new house.
He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.



“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!”
“Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”


What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.


My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

I only tell science jokes periodically.

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?





She's dead.

Well, I can never tell any chemistry jokes because all the good ones argon.