If you really think you're in the right, I'm sorry for you. I still love you, but what you've done is wrong. I forgive you, but you know in your heart how you're treating me is evil. It might have gotten you a nice place to live and lots of attention while you have abandoned and slandered me, but you're going to have to account to God for your action and not merely mankind. Like I said though, I forgive you and I'm doing my best to forgive you, but what you've done to me is wrong. You've lied to me from the beginning of our friendship even, just to be unique or possibly to test how gullible I am. You required me to be circumcised before you'd even consider courtship with me and you lied about having allergies to pork and shellfish just so you could eat kosher without getting into religious debates with fellow churchians, rather than just quote from 1st Corinthians about those with weaker consciences and so forth. You kept getting written up and transferred about even within Kid's Dominion, when you did the Vulcan nerve pinch on kids to keep them in line and had at least been accused of hitting one child and almost got fired. I trusted you and believed you back then, but not now.
You vowed to spend the rest of our lives together, but now you have divorced me. Two years ago, you bit a three year old boy on the butt (for which I paid the legal costs, lawyer, and your anger management while you barely worked for the entire time between when you did this and when your probation ended and then you promptly abandoned me and cut off all contact with me, how dare you.) And you had, at least, been accused of teaching that three year old boy and his baby sister to play with each other sexually in their bathtub. What the heck?! Yet I stayed with you and tried to believe in you and trust you even then! But as soon as you could apply to work with kids again, you left me. Why? You publicly posted that you had "Biblical grounds for divorce", but I've never committed adultery, I've never had sex outside of marriage, and so you don't have those grounds. Good grief.
After you found out your probation ended in March, rather than May as you had thought for a while, you used my 401k to buy minutes for your phone and contacted your brother, saying that you wanted out. Last year in August, you told me that, when you two were teenagers, your brother had sexually abused you (particularly that he had ejaculated in your hair, and on other parts of your body, as well as on your personal property also) and now he and his wife have children, two young boys, and you are living with your brother and his family.
I would like to think that you are innocent and only your brother is trash, but even so there exists the possibility of you being guilty as well. Being the ex-husband and having put up with abandonment and alienation, I am most probably biased. I also still love you, even though you're, well technically, my ex-wife -- but I don't break my word so my vows stand even if you're going to continue breaking yours, so I don't want to contact CPS and cause more problems. Both of your brother's children are boys and so it might be lower probability that he'd hurt them and I doubt and hope that you're not a pedophile, but I'm both biased for and against you and I am completely biased against your brother.
So, there it is, should I contact Child Protective Services or am I just being vengeful and there's really nothing to worry about? I'd like to think there's nothing to worry about and it's just a bunch of idle speculation based on data you've given me when you were speaking with me, hopefully honestly some of it, and from what I've been able to piece together from legal documents and your former employer, and perhaps it is just from being treated like trash once you're through using me that I'd even consider reporting the lot of you, but is there no chance of a problem? Is it just in my imagination out of depression and desperation to finally hear your lovely voice again? I love the lady I first married, that was you. I don't know who you are now, but I hope the lady I thought I married still exists somewhere within your heart or could be revived somehow. I have no idea how, but the lady I first married I am still in love with and I wish she were still with me.
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"In the kingdom of hope, there is no winter."
04 Sep 2015, 1:00 pm
