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Things I Don't Get

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06 May 2023, 6:15 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
^Does not compute, computer says no.

Who said that Joe?


:?:


:?: :?:


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Joe90
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06 May 2023, 6:16 pm

Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
^Does not compute, computer says no.

Who said that Joe?


:?:


:?: :?:


I don't understand your question.


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06 May 2023, 6:17 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Wait, no, let me rephrase my last post.

If an NT were to say to you "you're a big fat smelly wally" because they wanted you to feel offended then apparently that's empathy. If an Aspie was to call you a big fat smelly wally because they wanted you to feel offended then that's lacking empathy.


I think that's assuming the NT and the ND must have different motives, which I think we both understand isn't a fair assumption.

With the ND, it assumes that the incident was a faux-pas, not an insult.

I'd argue, if the ND is trying to insult someone and completely lacks empathy they'd end up with an insult that's completely uninsulting, or they'd set up an insult that's guaranteed to backfire.


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06 May 2023, 6:20 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I don't understand your question.


The question was "Who said that Joe?"


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06 May 2023, 6:24 pm

I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.

I don't think it's fair to keep throwing the word empathy around on an autism forum, because it's a sore subject for some of us.

A user could be really good at offering comfort and understanding in the haven but the same user could be gaslighting in other threads in other subforums. It's not fair to say they lack empathy just because they don't agree with you.

Uh, I could go on and on about this empathy s**t but I think I've derailed this thread enough. A more appropriate thread to talk about this is the recent empathy thread in GAD.


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06 May 2023, 6:24 pm

Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:

I don't understand your question.


The question was "Who said that Joe?"


Nobody said it in those precise words but it's usually implied when empathy gets discussed here.


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06 May 2023, 6:26 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.
.


Then they have the same empathy imo


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06 May 2023, 6:30 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I don't think it's fair to keep throwing the word empathy around on an autism forum, because it's a sore subject for some of us.

A user could be really good at offering comfort and understanding in the haven but the same user could be gaslighting in other threads in other subforums. It's not fair to say they lack empathy just because they don't agree with you.

Uh, I could go on and on about this empathy s**t but I think I've derailed this thread enough. A more appropriate thread to talk about this is the recent empathy thread in GAD.


You can't really derail a thread titled 'Things I don't get' unless of course you want to drop the subject.

I am struggling to work out what your actual issue is.

Can you spell it out to me as if I was 5 please.


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06 May 2023, 6:32 pm

Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.
.


Then they have the same empathy imo


It should be like that but whenever it's explained here it isn't. The only way for an autistic to have empathy is to be 100% loyal to everyone all the time and understand every given situation. That's exhausting even for NTs.


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06 May 2023, 6:33 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:

I don't understand your question.


The question was "Who said that Joe?"


Nobody said it in those precise words but it's usually implied when empathy gets discussed here.

You are genuinely the only person I've ever seen imply that people here believe this. It's not a common sentiment from what I've seen. lol



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06 May 2023, 6:33 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.
.


Then they have the same empathy imo


It should be like that but whenever it's explained here it isn't. The only way for an autistic to have empathy is to be 100% loyal to everyone all the time and understand every given situation. That's exhausting even for NTs.

Umm… I’ve not seen that at all. I’m not sure what you’re talking about.



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06 May 2023, 6:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.
.


Then they have the same empathy imo


It should be like that but whenever it's explained here it isn't. The only way for an autistic to have empathy is to be 100% loyal to everyone all the time and understand every given situation. That's exhausting even for NTs.


Autists are prone to black and white thinking, I'd try to bear that in mind when people describe those sorts of standards.

It's possible that you're reading what was said in an overly black and white manner as well, but either way, nuance has been lost and needs to be remembered.


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If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


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06 May 2023, 6:36 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm talking about if both the autistic and the NT say the same insult for the same reason.
.


Then they have the same empathy imo


It should be like that but whenever it's explained here it isn't. The only way for an autistic to have empathy is to be 100% loyal to everyone all the time and understand every given situation. That's exhausting even for NTs.


Can you point me to an example of this? I don't read everything but haven't seen it explained this way.


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06 May 2023, 6:37 pm

Joe90 wrote:
...I don't think it's fair to keep throwing the word empathy around on an autism forum, because it's a sore subject for some of us...

:skull: :skull: :skull:

Empathy is a common human emotion and something that autistic people commonly have a problem with. I don't see why anyone needs to stop talking about it on an autism forum just because a couple people don't like it. Legit just skip over things mentioning it and I promise you'll survive it being mentioned. lmao



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06 May 2023, 6:41 pm

I think I've mentioned before that empathy isn't all or nothing. I know that. But it's just the way it's often discussed, and it frustrates me.

When NTs don't understand something (as in being unable to consider the feelings of autistic people, for instance) the word empathy doesn't get brought up.

And then people often say that empathy isn't a good thing and that any affectionate empathy we as autistics feel is compassion not empathy. And then the word empathy gets misunderstood and misused.

I've explained it already in the empathy thread in GAD, I'm becoming exhausted with keep explaining the same thing over and over.


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06 May 2023, 6:44 pm

I’ve heard empathy come up in conversations among NTs all the time. Maybe it just doesn’t come up in conversations with people you know personally. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen.

We tend to have in-depth conversations on here, so you might see it more often than with people offline in casual conversations.