Would any of you consider being a homemaker/kept woman/man?

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I've had live-in girlfriends who went to school or were between jobs who kept up the house or apt. while I worked. I have difficulty keeping my environment structured by myself where I am not constantly searching for my keys or some important paper. I thought it was nice, but I couldn't pull it off financially today in this economy. I suppose I could do it in reverse, but outside of cooking I would be lost.

To add to what I wrote earlier: I'd lose self-respect for being "kept", because I know that I am capable of working part-time at least, and if I could find a job with enough hours, I'd be able to support myself. I don't think there's any shame in not being able to work enough to support oneself or not at all, or in not being able to perform household duties, but I would feel ashamed if I didn't try to live up to my capabilities.

I think there's a difference between being a home-maker and being "kept", too, in that being a homemaker implies that one is contributing something by doing household chores etc. The main problem I'd have with that is boredom; I hate being stuck at home all the time. As tiring as work is, I do enjoy working and feeling like I'm building a career. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a person who's built for building one's life around one's home.

I object to the 'kept' bit.

People form all sorts of relationships, 'partnerships' need not demand identical inputs, rather a combining of talents, which may or may not be quite diverse.

I am somewhat socially phobic and have a lot of trouble operating in the straight world, I am however incredibly domesticated, being an excellent cook, excellent housekeeper and enjoy gardening and heavier DIY type tasks.

I enjoyed a relationship with someone who lacked these skills and inclinations for the most part, and while the relationship broke down this was not due to the perceived inequalities of the fiscal imbalance, but my issues with aspergers and depression[some related to employment issues], a natural decay of affection and some possible infidelity caused by these two things.

I think it is a pity people have become preoccupied with who brings home the proverbial bacon, providing a home is important too and for me the problem was that my mental health/sensory disorder meant it was reduced to merely a lovely house with an awkward and tiring person waiting in it.

doubled posting, sorry

I'd like to be a homemaker, but it would be impossible in this economy where both people usually have to work to get by (mortgage, children to feed etc).

Ah ha! Well I have the answer(s) for that one!! !! ! And please take them up as I know that if you are unhappy in your work (and that I find out) I'll only have issues. I know that we don't know each other, but when ever I hear of someone suffering (that seems like a nice person) I get wrappped up in their issues and become depressed!

This mostly happens with peaple I know, but it has happened with me with hearing things on the news (and the like) in the past

1. If you live in the UK (I don't know if you do so forgive me for making the asumption) USE GOVEMENT HANDOUTS!! !! Sure the Govenment are cutting this out little by little, but it's mearly a means to an end and NOT stealing as the taxes have to be paid anyway and (like it or not) it's really their business as to how they spend it.

2. Do self employment!! !! !! (If you already do then well done!! !!)

As I have said in the OP I don't have a problem with women (or men) working it's only due to the fact that as I would worry about my girlfriend if SHE did (unless it was self employment and that would only be ok with me if she was ok doing it as well) due to the fact that as I really care about her so much I'd only get wrapped up in her issues if she had any at work.

This way I know that she'd be happy (and I know that she will) and then we can both be happy.

I hope that has been of help to you. I'd say that the latter would work best, but it can be used with the former.

Goodbye Till Next Time.

I would never want to do this, ever! I'm too independent and it isn't wise to be totally dependent on someone else. I want a stable career and I like going to school to work towards that.

I'm way too used to living above the poverty line.

There's this guy at work (filipino but I think that has no meaning) who has 5 kids and who just built a brand new 6 bedroom house to accommodate them all. I have no idea how he does it! As far as I know he only earns 15-20k more than me. His wife doesnt work either (she's the traditional homemaker type who we're all talking about).

LOL, Hell Yeah! I want a domestic engineer who can cook and clean and do laundry and grocery shopping and...

I believe it all depends on the people involved. When I was married, I didn't work right after I had my children and while I was in college. But other than that, I worked in some way whether I was working in my home, out of it or going to a place of employment.

I would have no problems with having a significant other (male or female) working at home or working from our home, if we could afford it and it's what makes us both happy.

Taking care of a home and doing the shopping, cooking and laundry, etc, is a full time job. If they want to actually stay and work from home, I'm fine with that too because that's what I would be doing and will be doing.

I believe everyone needs to follow their bliss and do what makes them the happiest. That's a priority of mine, to do what I love doing. If I don't like a specific job, I will leave quickly, screw the money. There are lots of ways to make money and torturing yourself by staying in a job you absolutely hate, is not worth any amount of money.

When my husband became too ill to work, he stayed at home and did do what he could. Sometimes he didn't do anything but rest of course but he really tried to do whatever he could.

I would have problems if my significant other didn't want to do anything but lay around and watch TV or whatever. If they actually have an illness they are dealing with, that's a different story and it's understandable that they would need to rest and take care of themselves more. But if they're healthy and don't want to do anything, that's not right and it wouldn't work with me.

I've had relationships with two musicians (a girlfriend and a boyfriend) at different times, where they did stay home and practice music, compose and then sometimes go out to various gigs to play and sing in the evenings and they would actually cook, clean, do laundry and as much as they could besides working on their music. It was great. I didn't even say anything about them doing that, they both started doing it on their own. They seem to really appreciate the arrangement because they had more freedom to work on their music.

We weren't married, so we didn't combine our incomes, but I did paying most of the bills but they did their part by helping so much in the home with things and the money they actually made doing different gigs. I believe if we had sat down and figured how much it would of cost to hire a maid/housekeeper to come in and do everything they did, we would of been even. I never felt that either one of them was taking advantage of me because everything they did.

I am personally not comfortable with someone supporting me. I have to have some kind of income of my own coming in and I do. I need to know I would be able to take care of myself with or without my significant other's income, incase something did happen to them or the relationship didn't work.

I think if the both of you are happy with the situation, you are doing the right thing. I have heard that some people can make good money selling things off of ebay. I hope the best for you both.

Last edited by Taupey on 12 Oct 2010, 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is so true. I missed my mother terribly when I was growing up and she worked. I seriously hated that she wasn't around. It seemed like I hardly saw her when I was a child and teenager.

Ahhh... I must say if I ever get married and have a kid... It would be my dream to stay home every day with him/her playing and being there for them all the time, not worry about a job, take care of the house, and make my honey feel like an angel when she gets home... It honestly sounds like heaven to me... 100'th post btw.

Grats! And that does sound rather idyllic.