Things we love about Texas

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Allot of crazy s**t goes down in Texas. It's where the Texas Chain Saw Massacre took place.

Thank you very much! I've actually never been to the US at all, but my brother has been there several times and he loves it. I also have relatives living in Florida and Michigan.

The door is always open. Call ahead when you turn off the county road and I'll have a glass of iced tea waiting for you. DON"T get out of the car 'til I check for snakes and get the dogs calmed down. Only problem is that I don't live in west Texas anymore, but I'm trying to figure out how to fix that.

If you have any friends or relatives in Texas, you can meet up at their place.

There's about 20 of us strays still running maverick, but most of my family has moved back to Texas after going to the City and not really findin' much.

My mom will leave me 150 acres (her share of the oldtime family farm/ranch) of red clay with a decent well on it and a nearby creek. My brother might someday be my neighbor if he moves back, too. That would be cool.

That's cool indeed. There's nothing better than owning a piece of your own land.

Two Texas bulls were getting a little old, but they had the run of the ranch with hundreds of beautiful cows at there muzzles, until one day when a huge truck pulls into the ranch dragging a giant trailer behind it. Every animal on the ranch is very curious about all the noise coming out of that steel reinforced trailer and finally the gate opens and out stomps an enormous BULL with a serious case of wood.

Both of those old bulls are shaking in their hooves, because they know the party's over for them. The younger one turns and says "Let's get out of here!" and takes off toward all the other cows for safety, but he's puzzled as to why his friend isn't running, too. He turns back around to see his buddy lowering his head towards the new competition, pawing at the dust and doing his best to look menacing. He takes a couple of steps in the direction of that big young bruiser, that's come to replace them, and delivers his best snort.

The other old bull tries to stop him. He says to the older bull, "Are you crazy? That monster will rip us to pieces if we don't get out of here." The wise older bull says in response, "That's what I'm afraid of. I just want that huge beast to know, without a doubt, that I'm NOT a cow!! !!"

The food. The best fajitas and BBQ beef brisket are here, and only here.

If somene in Texas sent me fajitas and refried beans from El Chapparral in Helotes, Texas, I would be eternally grateful.

Here is the explanation for each thing for those who might not know:

1) Gratuitous executions

This one is quite self-explanatory

2) The only state where a Mofo, a tough Grandma, and an eccentric singer/novelist can run against each other for governor

Mofo: Gov. Rick Perry was in an interview with a news reporter regarding education reform. Unaware that the camera was still rolling, Perry told the cameraman "Adios, Mofo"

Tough Grandma: Another gubernatorial candidate, Carole Keeton Strayhorn, bills herself as "One Tough Grandma"

Eccentric singer/novelist: Kinky Friedman, another gubernatorial candidate, is a singer/novelist who supports gay marriage because "they have every right to be miserable as we do"

3) 2-day-long hurricane evacuations where, if you cross your fingers, a fuel truck will stop along the road

This refers to the mass evacuation in September 2005 from Hurricane Rita, which was poised to make a direct hit on the Houston area. It took my family 19 hours to get 100 miles inland, and there were widespread gasoline shortages. The most significant incident during the evacuation was when a bus exploded just south of Dallas, killing 23 retirement home residents. Rita eventually made landfall at Sabine Pass, on the Texas-Louisiana state line

4) The ability to morph into five states

There is a relatively unknown law that states that Texas can split into as many as five states. That has never happened as of this date

5) Thousands of farm-to-market roads that don't go to farms or markets

Farm-to-Market roads are roads (usually 2-lane) that are mainly found in rural areas, usually east of Interstate 35. These are called Ranch-to-Market roads west of Interstate 35, and Urban Roads in the big cities. But the urban roads are billed as farm-to-market roads simply to save costs for replacing the signs. The most significant farm-to-market road (in this case, urban road) is FM 1960, which goes through the northern suburbs of Houston.

6) The state bird is the construction crane

Especially in Houston

7) Massive domed stadiums that stay vacant for 10 years

The last time the Astrodome was used for its original purpose was in 1999, which was the Astros' final season before moving to Minute Maid Park. The dome was used as a shelter for the Katrina evacuees, and there are plans to transform it into a resort complex, a la the Gaylord (formerly Opryland) resort in Nashville.

Towns with 100,000 people where the topic of the day is still the tornado of '79

Specifically, Wichita Falls, which was hit by a major tornado in, yep, 1979 (which happens to be the year I was born).

9) Term paper plagiarists

In the 1990s, there was a major term paper plagiarism scandal at Texas Tech. This was referenced on the Simpsons episode "Trash of the Titans"

10) The state tree is the oil well

Let's just call Midland-Odessa the Enchanted Forest

11) Sharing a post office with another state

Texarkana, Texas and Texarkana, Arkansas share a post office and a federal building.

12) The Dixie Chicks--NOT!

They were ashamed that Bush was from Texas, not knowing that Bush is really from Connecticut.

Cool!
You were going for the history and relevance angle. I went for a humor and irrelevance tangent.

Great Mexican restaurants.