How does a bully not know they're being a bully?

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Taupey
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28 Nov 2011, 4:59 pm

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

If they justify their actions sufficiently, such as demonizing a person enough to make them a completely evil villain first, then they see nothing wrong with absolutely anything they do to the person who've they've mentally turned into a target deserving of all manner of hatred and vileness against them.

I believe this. There is someone who has bullied me for 2 years now and he has said some pretty nasty things about me without even knowing who I am as a person. I'm certain that helps him justify his horrible behavior towards me. He also likes to hold me accountable for things he's created and made up about someone I know in real life. I guess it makes him feel superior. I've ask him one time if he was aware that he was bullying me and he said yes. I wonder if a lot of bullies are also sociopaths or psychopaths?

That's the kind of horrible stuff I'm talking about there. The computer based learning module that the OP mentioned is something which tries to ameliorate an awful situation. While it may be a good stance to presume the best about others so as to help one's own behavior, the best case scenario is seldom true and often there are people who love to illustrate that very principle of pessimism. So much psychobabble tries to paint everyone as righteous in their own sight, but after a point such moral relativism runs thin and it becomes obvious that there is a right and wrong and some people clearly do cross those lines.

He definitely has crossed those lines and he knows it. He's offered to help me kill myself more than once on another website I go to.

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ShenLong
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28 Nov 2011, 5:13 pm

I bully people, but it's usually either counter-bullying or bullying of someone who believe to be intolerable. Like the average Youtube ranter or deviantArt user.

iamnotaparakeet
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28 Nov 2011, 6:05 pm

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

He definitely has crossed those lines and he knows it. He's offered to help me kill myself more than once on another website I go to.

That's horrible. You should report him to such agencies as this: http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx You shouldn't have to put up with such crap.

iamnotaparakeet
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28 Nov 2011, 6:05 pm

ShenLong wrote:

I bully people, but it's usually either counter-bullying or bullying of someone who believe to be intolerable. Like the average Youtube ranter or deviantArt user.

That's wrong dude.

iamnotaparakeet
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28 Nov 2011, 6:12 pm

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

He definitely has crossed those lines and he knows it. He's offered to help me kill myself more than once on another website I go to.

That's horrible. You should report him to such agencies as this: http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx You shouldn't have to put up with such crap.

Oh, and even if the person harassing you is outside of the USA:

Quote:

Q: Can I file a complaint if I am a citizen of the United States but have been victimized by an individual or company outside of the United States?

If one of the two parties involved is located within the United States, please feel free to file a complaint.

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28 Nov 2011, 6:43 pm

TenPencePiece wrote:

I've "bullied" other people without knowing - but I wasn't in a correct frame of mind at the time.

I've performed lots of bullying actions as a kid towards others & I did not realize at the time that it was bulling behavior. I said lots of offensive things that I thought was funny or friendly teasing or I asked very inappropriate questions without realizing that I was actually insulting people. I've also sometimes invaded people personal space by getting too close to them & I spit when I talked without realizing it. I always thought that I was the one being bullied & it never occurred to me that others were perceiving my actions as being bullying; Aspergers really screws up perception

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Taupey
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28 Nov 2011, 7:07 pm

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

Taupey wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

He definitely has crossed those lines and he knows it. He's offered to help me kill myself more than once on another website I go to.

That's horrible. You should report him to such agencies as this: http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx You shouldn't have to put up with such crap.

Thank you, I have reported him to IC3 and they're working on it. I've also reported him to my local police department, the FBI, FCC, and State Department.

Taupey
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28 Nov 2011, 7:17 pm

nick007 wrote:

TenPencePiece wrote:

I've "bullied" other people without knowing - but I wasn't in a correct frame of mind at the time.

I wonder if this is called cognitive distortion or minimisation of intentionality?

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28 Nov 2011, 7:32 pm

Taupey wrote:

nick007 wrote:

TenPencePiece wrote:

I've "bullied" other people without knowing - but I wasn't in a correct frame of mind at the time.

I wonder if this is called cognitive distortion or minimisation of intentionality?

Huh

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28 Nov 2011, 7:37 pm

Some people are narcissists and can do the mental gymnastics necessary to believe themselves incapable of being in the wrong.

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Moog
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28 Nov 2011, 8:10 pm

Vigilans wrote:

Some people are narcissists and can do the mental gymnastics necessary to believe themselves incapable of being in the wrong.

We've been dealing with one recently.

Actually, I'd like to propose that there's a spectrum for this. I've noticed some people thinking everything they do is wrong, and some thinking nothing they do can be wrong.

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Taupey
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28 Nov 2011, 8:34 pm

nick007 wrote:

Taupey wrote:

nick007 wrote:

TenPencePiece wrote:

I've "bullied" other people without knowing - but I wasn't in a correct frame of mind at the time.

I wonder if this is called cognitive distortion or minimisation of intentionality?

Huh

It's something I read about today on Wikipedia. I'm curious if your and Ten's comments would be considered an example of one or both of those terms.

Taupey
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28 Nov 2011, 8:44 pm

Vigilans wrote:

Some people are narcissists and can do the mental gymnastics necessary to believe themselves incapable of being in the wrong.

Speaking from my experience with a narcissist, this is true. They blame everything on everyone else, nothing they do is wrong. Also the one I know is as smooth as butter and knows how to be very charming and he's a big time manipulator.

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28 Nov 2011, 9:42 pm

Moog wrote:

iamnotaparakeet wrote:

And what of those who actually do see the pain and hurt they cause in others and see the consequences of their words and find it funny?

In their minds it is 'good' to bully. They may see a victim as 'evil', different, intelligent, threatening to their own power or something. And they feel that they are the hero in some way.

Jesus Christ, that is just SICK.

Not you, but how they think, if that is actually how they see it.

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29 Nov 2011, 3:32 am

I believe it because some people may think they are being bullied so they defend themselves. But they don't realize the other person was not bullying them so they were the ones that bullied, not them. This is common in victims of bullying so they start assuming everyone else is bullying them. I have been there when I moved to Montana. Kids would block my eye sight, bump me in the halls, one day in class, i sat down in a chair and kids told me someone was sitting there so I move. but every chair I sat in, they kept telling me someone is sitting there so i freak out and hit a student when he told me to go ahead and beat him up when I threatened to. I even started to shove kids in the hall when they block my eye sight or bump me in the halls because I thought they were bullying me. Sometimes victims do turn into bullies because they think they are defending themselves. Some snap out of that stage (like I did) and some don't for some reason which is a mystery to me.

Plus some people are just so damn sensitive that when someone posts a question online, other people get offended by it and attack the asker and making fun of them believing they are defending themselves. I've seen that on Babycenter. Some people feel entitled to bully others thinking they are doing self defense but they don't think they are bullying.

Here is another example. In my teens I decided to have ODD so I can get my way because my aspie mate got his way because of his ODD. He was violent and abusive so he always got his way. So I tried to be like him. Mom said I was bullying. I didn't believe I was bullying because my view on bullying was calling people names and making fun of them and I wasn't doing that. I didn't know bullying was a spectrum because there are different forms of bullying. You don't need to be making fun of people or taking lunch money from other kids or beating people up for no reason to be a bully. I didn't know my ex aspie mate was a bully either because he never made fun of anyone ever or put anyone down. But mom told me he is a bully because of how he treats other kids and his own mother and how he treated my brothers. He did it for control.

Everyone has their own perception on what is bullying and some of them are flawed so what a person does, others may see that as bullying but to the person doing it, it's not bullying.

Taupey
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29 Nov 2011, 10:05 am

League_Girl wrote:

I have never really thought about that when a child has a tantrum, when they don't get their way, this is a form of bullying their parents. But it makes sense. I've been wondering about the perception difference in children with Aspergers and Autism and not really realizing what they are doing is bullying or if some just say that to make themselves look better like we all do at one time or another.

I had a tantrum once when I was 4 years old after one of my fathers died, I remember there were so many people coming in and out of our house and everything was in an uproar. I remember thinking if I cry my mother will let me have my way. I remember feeling that I couldn't make her understand what I wanted. I have no idea where I got the idea to through a fit and I had never done something like that before. So I did and I got my way. I will never forget my mother asked me if I was satisfied after I did that and I felt so bad and horrible that I did that to her and I never had a tantrum again. But I know all of "us" who have Aspergers and Autism, we aren't created equal so what was clear to me then at that age might not be so clear to someone else. But I knew I had done something very wrong and I remember feeling bad about it. Now it's something me and my mother laugh about.

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