Write your own Owners Manual

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gotta love manuals

manual helps me understand.. can then take good care and make sure all goes ok longterm and stays whole

Blasty, your avatar... is that what I think it is?? "What's-her-name" from Rock 'n' Rule??? Angel, was it?

(my manual is forthcoming)

Reading through these has made me smile - thanks for starting this thread, Kjas! Time for yours now, though...

Do not press the big red button, you have been warned.

Geez... now I actually have to think *grumble grumble*
Now that I tried it , this was actually kinda hard, I could only come up with the following.

Congratulations!

You are now the owner of a Kjas! For best results, it is strongly recommended that you pay strict attention to the following things;

- Your Kjas must be kept warm at all times (25°C or above). Failure to do so will result in it finding the warmest place possible, snuggling up and refusing to move.

In particular, keep your bedroom door shut at night, otherwise if it decides it is too cold, it may end up in your bed snuggled up next to you in order to stay warm.

- Acceptable food and water must be available to the Kjas at all times, as it eats a lot and is constantly grazing. Failure to comply with this will result with it sniffing out food with it's fantastic sense of smell and binges on your food.

- It is wise to put the Kjas outside for at least 3 hours per day for exercise and sunning. Possible consequences of not doing this will include it following you around and bugging you to play with it, bouncing off walls or it may engage in exploration of your things or destruction of items to keep itself entertained.

- On the rare occasion that your Kjas is in your immediate vicinity, it requires affection somewhat frequently. It enjoys petting, tummy rubs and cuddles. If not provided, it will look elsewhere, sometimes to it's own detriment.

- Your Kjas needs a constant flow of information to process to keep it happy, whether by books, internet or other sources. If this is not met, the Kjas will wonder off, often to places where it is hard to find and it may not return.

- With the right resources, the Kjas will keep itself entertained for the majority of the time. This is normal, and does not indicate anything is wrong, so do not be offended by it. It likes solitude much of the time and will prefer not to be bothered.

- Your Kjas loves water, so you need to keep all pool gates, bathroom doors and places that lead to water closed and locked. Failure to do so will result in it looking at water and playing in it for hours at a time, often making a incredible mess in the process. It also likes to shake dry, which could be problematic for people or walls in the immediate vicinity. Releasing it at the beach frequently is a good idea and will keep the number of water incidents to the minimum.

- You need to keep the Kjas away from the following things; public speeches, camera flashes in it's face, sirens, needles, spiders, yelling, massages and tickling. Noncompliance in this matter will result in you spending the next couple of hours peeling it off the ceiling. (figuratively speaking)

- Your Kjas loves animals, and will instinctively seek out any animal in the vicinity in order to befriend it. Do not attempt to insert your body between the Kjas and the animal, as all it will accomplish is you getting bowled over in it's attempt to reach the animal.

- The Kjas dislikes gatherings and prefers to observe from a distance or to escape. Therefore, warn it before you have people over to the house or do not force it to interact, otherwise there may be extreme reactions.

-Your Kjas instinctively likes to chase and / or catch things that move quickly. Therefore, extremely sudden movements may cause it to chase whatever is moving. It is good to keep this in mind unless you want to end up with it tackling you.

- The Kjas does not like social chit chat or talking about emotional things and therefore will not engage in it, as it considers such things pointless. It likes deep discussions about interesting topics and it also enjoys banter greatly. Constant attempts at social chit chat or emotional things will result in your Kjas ignoring you completely or attempting to escape.

- Your Kjas is somewhat apt to behaviour modification, using mango, coconut or chocolate. Other things may also work, however be warned that you will have to change methods frequently if you want it to continue working, since it will usually find a way to circumvent your efforts.

- The Kjas sometimes requires processing time which may be longer than usual or occasionally it may shut down. Leaving it alone will remedy the situation, try to avoid touching it or hounding it with questions when this happens or you may find yourself less an arm.

It is unknown what it is actually used for - they seem to be kept as pets or companions as far as anyone can tell.

The Kjas sounds like a distant relative of the mogwai.

It most certainly is. I'm still looking for a copy on LaserDisc, if one even exists anymore.

This is the most important thing you need to know about your IdahoRose model:

Along with the IdahoRose model, 8 Imaginary Friend units are included. The IdahoRose will usually be quite content to converse and exercise with the Imaginary Friends, and in fact it is often necessary for the IdahoRose's long-term emotional stability. However, you should be forewarned that the IdahoRose will occasionally malfunction and reject the Imaginary Friends. This is followed by several days of moping and complaining. During these times you must exercise a great deal of patience and provide emotional support. Fortunately this problem is temporary and will eventually reset itself, after which time the IdahoRose will resume Imaginary Friend interactions as normal.

That's simply awesome. I think you can buy the DVD on Amazon still.

ew!

These are funny!

Lies! More like compulsive showering.... *sigh*

Viligans on the other hand..... you stinky canuck, you!

This is a pretty fun thread, and here's my manual.

Thank you for purchasing the "Brainfre3ze model V2.1 "! Please read the manual carefully, or your model will not function properly.

- Please keep the " Brainfre3ze " in a cool climate range ( 50-80 ) degrees F. anything below or above wil iritate the model, because it is very sensitive to temparatures.

- If it is iritated, try playing music to soothe it. ( Classical is prefered ) Pop/Rap is strongly discouraged, and will only infuriate it more.
Books are also a good way to calm your model.

- If you want to bring your " Brainfre3ze " to a party, please be very selective in which party you wish to bring it to. ( a quiet setting is best ) anything louder than that, and it will become uncomfortable in it's surrounding.

- Tea is vital in it's diet. * optimal time is between 2- 4 P.M. * If you wish to engage in conversation with your "Brainfre3ze, " this is the best time to do so.

- Like previous models food is a necessity, but it's tastebuds have been damaged. It will not require high quality meals.

- If you find your " Brainfre3ze " model is talking to itself. Do not be alarmed as it is either deep in thought, or it requires a companion in order fulfill it's need of conversation. * Do not ignore too long, or your " Brainfre3ze " will start saying crazier things from too much isolation, and start to imagine friends to fulfill it's need*

- Your " Brainfre3ze " requires a clean living space, if it is dirty, your model will not comply to conditions of living until living area is cleaned.

- If your model is not paying attention to you. Don't be alarmed, Your " Brainfre3ze " is carefully selecting an approiate time, subject, and place to pay attention to you. When it has done so, you will have it's undivided attention.

Do no play pranks or tease it. * it is prone to violence so don't give it a legitmate reason to be angry with you *

Thank you for reading the Manual, and have a great day with your " Brainfre3ze model V2.1 *

Do not attempt to force power-on. Your DJFester will power up and power down at self-determined times.

Do not interfere with or interrupt your DJFester when it's playing music or reading on the computer, or it will meltdown.

Do not say or do mean, hurtful things to your DJFester, this will also cause it to meltdown.

Offer your DJFester love and emotional support when it asks.

Your DJFester needs it's medications, food and water/iced tea/Coke Zero several times a day to function properly.

Keep your DJFester in a cool place, out of direct sunlight or temperatures above 80 degrees F. Its skin will break out from direct sunlight, and it has trouble breathing in hot, humid conditions.

Show some appreciation for the positive things your DJFester does.

Your DJFester has Asperger's Syndrome, and has problems socializing.

Keep your DJFester away from too many sweets, as it is diabetic.

Your DJFester needs it's pets, computer and music to keep it happy.

Yelling at or complaining to your DJFester will cause it to become angry.