The ENVY Poll

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what if suddenly you awoke and found that you were physiologically like your mate in this regard?

as I like to say about myself, "we all gotta start somewhere."

I would probably have a major panic attack. Although, my brain would be different, too, so I wouldn't react the same. I would definitely be confused. And if my physical body had changed... I wouldn't be in pain or have all these problems anymore. I think it would be very very very very weird, and I would be terrified I'd be sent back into this body lol.

On a fibromyalgia page, there was a post that asked what people would do if they were suddenly pain free for a day, and all I could think was that I didn't want to be pain free for a day, because I'm used to pain now (as weird as that sounds) and knowing it wouldn't last... that would be more depressing, knowing that I would have to come back to this.

Which reminds of the Stargate SGA episode, the Shrine, where McKay gets this parasite in his brain that causes him to regress and they take him to this "shrine" which is apparently radiating a type of radioactivity that causes the parasite to shrink, thus returning him to his normal state of mind and they proceed to tell him that they had brought him there to say goodbye, because he was going to die, and he got mad at them for doing that to him, better to have left him regressing into infancy, unknowing. (obviously they figured out how to save him)
I think that's where the idea that "ignorance is bliss" can really be applied... To just exist, without knowledge of an end, without the knowledge of losing something, or missing out on something.

that is a very good point. I guess vacations are never as good as total retirement in this regard, one always dreads the end of the vacation from reality.

sometimes ignorance is bliss, but sometimes it is an inchoate hell beyond definition, which is all the worse.

That's the beauty of life, isn't it? That we never know what it'll bring. And also why I'm ok with my depression, anxiety, and pain and everything else. There's a song I like that puts it well:

"There is no love untouched by hate,
No unity without discord.
There is no courage without fear,
There is no peace without a war.
There is no wisdom without regret,
No admiration without scorn.
There is strife within the tempest,
But there is calm in the eye of the storm... "
Eye of the Storm - Crüxshadows

If everything were perfect, it would be boring and we would have no appreciation for things, because we wouldn't be able to see the beauty, it would just be normal.

you have a powerful life force it is that I've been fighting off a feeling of futility, being a hermit and there not being any exit other than the grave.

It's a survival tactic for me, I think. It took me a long time to get past the suicidal urges. I still get the thoughts, but as long as I have the knowledge that as long as there is breath in my body, I can try to help other people in any way I can, I have a reason to live. Even if it's something like doing some random act of kindness, or leaving a piece of art for someone to find... I've found this drive to help people, because I don't want them to feel like I do, and if I can help one person even just smile for a minute, maybe it might help them feel a little better.

It's because of stories like this that I try. Even if I leave 100 pieces of art lying around and only get one response, it's worth it.


Other people have gotten stories like this that are just... it's needed. People need this.

wow talent you and alpineglow could compare notes, you are both artists.

Charisma makes me throw up a little.
Sometimes it's more than a little.

agreed that most charisma ends up trending toxic, but occasionally there is good charisma.

I envy very much everybody.

can you share an example of a notable envy you have had, por favor?

Yes, envy is one of my major weaknesses, but at least I'm more than willing to admit it because I also believe it is a natural emotion in humans and the way it gets dealt with can actually turn into a strength.
Had I not acted out of envy with others in the past:

I would never have earned two medals in amateur freestyle wrestling (or a letter in college varsity)

I would never have kicked a 40-yard field goal during my time in college intermurals

I would never have been involved with a Nutcracker ballet production

I would never have sat behind a microphone at a radio station

I would never have considered my hearing aids as a trophy for my years as a disc jockey

I would never have amassed my huge classic rock library

I would never have grown shoulder-length hair or worn spandex rocker tights

I would never have enjoyed the thrills of androgynous dressing

I would never have discovered internet streaming live television

I would never have dared to be different!

(That's only like a Top Ten list.)

wow I bet you're hellafit

Man … I envied the heck out of most of my classmates when I was a teenager. Not in a malevolent way; I didn't wish harm upon anybody. But they all seemed so easily confident, suave, well-spoken – whereas I was racked by self-doubt, couldn't look anybody in the eye, and could hardly manage to speak two words without stuttering and stammering. And I didn't know why.

Eventually I realized that there were things that most other kids found difficult which were relatively easy, even enjoyable, for me. And I discovered that even the most confident-seeming person might be facing a terrible struggle. Everybody has his own cross to bear.

I'm comfortable with myself now and don't envy anybody else. I talk better too, and I think I make something like the appropriate amount of eye contact without thinking about it too much. It only took thirty or so years of practice.