Aspie anger

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Being blunt is basically the opposite of passive-aggressive

I know that some of my shutdowns were taken as passive-aggressive behaviour - like barely being able to talk being seen as giving people the silent treatment.

The only times I've ever actually been passive-aggressive was as a child when any kind of complain, refusal, expressing a need etc was being met with violence.

Aside from that, I struggle a lot with passive-aggressive people and definitely prefer open confrontation/conflict.

Yes, I agree with both of the previous posts. I've certainly had shut-downs misinterpreted socially many times; before I was diagnosed, I even misinterpreted them myself. They've been mistaken for being black-out drunk or epilepsy on a few occasions too. What I'm pondering is whether people who's involuntary action is to shut-down are more prone to passive-aggression rather than overt aggression when there is an opportunity to reflect upon it.

My personal perception is that they blur into one another. Even when there's time to think it over, my executive functioning messes with the ability to reason it out and then act upon it; so half the time I'm not quite sure myself whether to call it premeditated or not. Before I knew I was autistic, I truly feared for my sanity over this, because the EF dysfunction made me question my own free will so much. My default reaction was always to feel guilty just to be on the safe side. Hence my curiosity about it.

I think of passive-aggressive behavior as deliberate and frequently the result of not wanting to confront the person/organization that made the person mad. For example, when my father was shortchanged at the grocery store, he took one of their packages of meat and dropped it between two refrigerated cases. It could not be seen and would be difficult to remove. I worked with a passive-aggressive coworker who would make things malfunction so you could not do your job correctly.

I'm certainly more of the passive aggressive type. I think some of it may come from my difficulties with being able to communicate. Not being able to find the words or get them unstuck. There is also fear of various things blended in. If I do become aggressive, chances are I am seriously pissed or feel under immediate threat and cornered. You can only poke a rabbit so many times before it bites back.

I don't think meltdowns are necessarily anger. I had many when I was kid(under 14), they virtually all had to do with feeling overstimulated and or overwhelmed. There was also no talking to or reasoning with me like that either.



I concur. People certainly see shut downs as passive aggressive, like the silent treatment, as you equated and meltdowns to aggression, like tantrums; BUT it's been generally accepted that shutdowns and meltdowns are involuntary. When someone displays passive aggressive behavior (like being sarcastic) or aggressive behavior (like violence) a certain amount of choice is being made. There is a level of cognitive control involved in matters of Passive-aggression and aggression where it's not particularly believed that there is with a meltdown or shutdown. Meltdowns and shutdowns are essentially what happens when a internal panic button is hit.

Whether there is a correlation to the personality that will be passive aggressive and shut down or the personality that is aggressive and meltdown I don't know. It seems like there might be though, doesn't it?

There's some people on this forum who said they can become violent when they're having meltdowns & it's beyond their control