Mountain Goat wrote:
I need to state something here. If one does not know what is happening and one can't explain ones feelings, if one is asked, the only thoughts that come into ones mind are to try and reason based on negative experiences which were relatively minor and irrelivent. One is not able to get to the root of ones feelings if one has not heard of autism and its traits, to unravel things, where even if one is a BAP or an NT with the odd trait, it is important to do... As I have gone through most of my life until recently not being able to unravel my inner thoughts and feelings and make any sense of them.
A typical example. In school at lunchtime after we had eaten lunch so we had the rest of the time to amuse ourselves it was raining, so we all had to go to the little hall, so there was an overcrowded hall with kids "At ease" shouting and screaming and running around.
I could not cope with all those different loud noises at the same time. It was torture! BUT, I had no explination. I burst into tears when holding my hands over my ears was not enough to drown out the noise. But I did not know how to describe what I felt. When a kind girl I was in class with came to ask what was wrong and she got one of the lunchtime supervisor staff, all I could think of which to say was to lie and say "I have a headache" as I was overwealmed with all the different noise, and when people get headaches they don't like noise, so not being able to explain what was really going on, it was the only way I knew how to communicate to get some message across somehow to relate to how I felt.
This is very well put. I've had most of a lifetime of "feeling ill" in this way. Later on, I was treated for Anxiety Disorder, because that explanation felt closer to how I was feeling. While it was part of it, so much of what I experienced just did not fit their model for how anxiety works. A meltdown is not a panic attack. Overstimulation is not caused by negative automatic thoughts.
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07 Aug 2020, 6:53 am
