I hit rock-bottom a couple years ago, and made peace with myself, at that time. I decided that I wasn't going to kill myself, and that I had to accept the fact that I will , most likely, be alone for life. Now I don't expect anything, from anyone, and I'm used to it. You sound as though you are gravitating towards a similar point in life. My opinion to you would be, choose life. You only get 1 chance.
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Those who speak, don't know.
Those who know, don't speak.