Your Favourite Simpsons Quotes

Post Reply New Topic

Oh, Lord, why do you hate my trains? - Reverend Lovejoy.

Homer: "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

------------------------------

Homer: "Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids. Eat them"

------------------------------

Burns: "We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract"

Brain: "Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"

Burns: "And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours"

Brain: "Wait a minute... Is he coming onto me?"

Burns: "I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?"

Brain: "My God! He IS coming onto me!"

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.. [chuckle] [wink]"

Brain: "AAAAAAAGH!"

Homer: "Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans.
Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!"

Homer: "Oh my god! That guy looks just like me! This is the best day of my life.....
Oh look, that dog has a puffy tail!! !

--------------------------

Scientist Guy: "This, is an ordinary square.."
Wiggum: "Whoa Whoa, slow down egghead"

-------------------------

Homer: "I'm a rageaholic, I just can't live without rageahol!"

-------------------------

Homer: "Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?"
Apu: "Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it"
Homer: "Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles"

------------------------

Homer after being told that Lisa has invented a perpetual motion device:

"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!"

Comic book guy: "Worst episode ever!! I was on the internet registering my
disgust within minutes"

---------------------------

Wiggum: "Oh...gee... where i am..? let see.. I'm directly under the earth's sun.......Now!"

---------------------------

Hutz: "..I move for a bad court-thingy"
Judge: "You mean a mistrial"
Hutz: "That's why you're the judge and I'm the law talking guy"

---------------------------

Homer Stuck In Tar:
"Don't worry kids, first I'll pull my legs out with my arms...
now I'll pull my arms out..with my face"

I love the one where Sideshow bob's son is going "Vendetta Vendetta, Farfalla Vendetta!"

""I love the one where Sideshow bob's son is going "Vendetta Vendetta, Farfalla Vendetta!"
^

And, when it turns out he has inherrited his dads arch enemy, the rake!

Nimoy: "Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. They're all lies, but they are entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer... is No."

---------------------------

Bart: "Soul? Come on Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul, it's just something they made up to scare kids with, like the Boogie Man, or Michael Jackson"

---------------------------

Homer: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel"

---------------------------

Sideshow Bob: "Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?"

Krusty the Clown: "Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…"

----------------------

Sideshow Bob: "No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party
and lived to tell about it"

---------------------

Troy McClure: "Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!!"

---------------------

Ned Flanders: "I’ve done everything the Bible says.. even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!!"

---------------------

Homer: "When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun"

---------------------

Homer: "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman.. and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed,
is strictly a comfort thing"

Homer: "I got a job at Burns' casino. As you know, it's been my lifelong dream to become a blackjack dealer."
Marge: "Your lifelong dream was to be a contestant on The Gong Show, and you did it in 1977, remember?"
[Flashback to Homer and Barney playing a giant harmonica, wearing a pair of two-man large overalls, getting gonged and booed]
Homer: "We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire."


Homer: "Hey Marge, after your big tantrum against legalized gambling, I bet it feels pretty weird to be in a casino."
Marge: "I was for the casino!"
Homer: "Strike three, Marge! I remember that meeting and I have a photographic memory."
[In Homer's memory, Marge wears a blue dress and has green hair. She holds a rolling pin. Homer's arms are massive]
Marge: "Legalized gambling is a bad idea! You can build a casino over my dead body! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah!
Man: "For you: it's the President." [tentacle hands Homer a phone]
Homer: "Y'ello?" [back to reality] "And then I said to the President - get this - ! Marge? Marge?"


Homer: "You know, Marge, for the first time in our marriage I can finally look down my nose at you. You have a gambling problem!"
Marge: "That's true. Will you forgive me?"
Homer: "Oh, sure...Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears?"
Marge: "Hmm."
Homer: "Well, that's nothing, because you have a gambling problem! And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house 'cause he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well you have a gambling problem!"
Marge: "Homer, when you forgive someone, you can't throw it back at them like that!"
Homer: "Aw, what a gyp...Remember when I - "
Marge: "Homer!"
Homer: "Oh, yeah. I forgot already."

homer: god? whats the meaning of life?
god: ill tell you when you die
homer: i cant wait that long!
god: you can't wait 6 months?

he he. love that. um... i had another one but iv kind of forgotten it... still. ill get back to you if it comes back.

Kent Brockman: "Thanks to Mayor Simpson, now we’re ALL taking golden showers!"

----------------------

Moe: "Yeah, so last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up." [the crowd gasps]

Sideshow Mel: "Whatever did you do, Moe?"

Moe: "Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation, but, I managed to shoot him in the spine" [crowd claps and cheers]

Moe: "Yeah. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!"

----------------------

Hutz: "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.
Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”

----------------------

Mr. Burns: "What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?"

Marge: "You're not done. I want you to throw away these old calendars and TV Guides."
Homer: "Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV Guides - so many memories..." [opens one] "'Gomer upsets Sergeant Carter'...oh, I'll never forget that episode!"
[imagines]
Carter: "Pyle!"
Gomer: "Shazam!"
Carter: "Pyle!"
Gomer: "Shazam!"
Carter: "Pyle!"
Gomer: "Shazam!"
Homer: "Heh heh heh...Shazam."

Corgan: "Hi, I`m Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins"

Homer: "Hi, Homer Simpson, smiling politely"

agnis: "hey seymore. tell them were going next"
principle seymore skinner: "i'm not the principle of the line mother!"
agnis [glaring]: "then you never will be"

moe: now you see these little sea shells here? they look like somthing mice would wear. like little helmets. now... ain't this suspicious. when y' ask 'em. they don't say nuttin'.