I confess.....

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I confess that even though I'm a Christian, organized religion pisses me off to no end.

I confess I think it is very telling what sorts of assumptions are made, when people choose to make those assumptions rather than asking and searching for the correct answers. Myself included, I'm sure--though it sometimes seems there is a rule that one does not realize when he is the one making the assumption and can only spot such things in others. It's all very sad and puzzling, and never quite within our power to correct all the errors we see in the impressions that others collect.

I confess that in this moment it appears to me that poor attention to quality may be the root of all that which is bent.

I confess that I am very, very tired.

Oh gwenevyn,would you permit me to commit 'merrywhether' again

I confess that I stalked the second girl I fell in love with when I was twelve, and that I only realized how harmful that had been years later.

I confess that I contemplated sexual violence at thirteen because it was the only outlet I could imagine that would satisfy the urges I felt (but no, I never acted on them).

I confess I assaulted a schoolmate when i was fifteen because he'd won the attention of the girl I was interested in, though I didn't understand the reason for my anger at the time.

I confess that I don't relate to others, and that it makes me angry and sad, even though I have enough life experience to know how complicated relating to others is.

I confess that I have Aspergers, and that there is no way to make it go away.

I confess that I often wish I could just be "normal"...

And I confess that I actually like who I am and am endlessly conflicted because of all of the above. I think if someone said "you can make this all go away if you just push this magic button" that I wouldn't choose to push it.

I confess to being me.


Nick

I just tried to write that I confess that I l--e my dog.
I couldn't get it out even in writing.

I confess, I should have been in bed hours ago and am feeling guilty for my partners loss when I am STUCK to the computer.

I confess.. let's see. When I was a teenager I must have stolen hundreds of dollars worth of candy and adult magazines from a corner store down the street from where I used to live. Mostly just to gain respect from my brothers friends, it didn't really work. Guilt sucks.

I confess that I have to read "Beowulf" by tomorrow morning (so naturally I started it about an hour ago); to make it go quicker, I've been reading it out loud (much to the amusement of my brother, who knows that I can't pronounce names worth a flip (the dog doesn't appreciate it though; she doesn't understand why I can't pet her, hold the book (it's one of those ones that flips shut without any encouragement), and turn the page at the same time)).

I confess I like Grendel. I'm sorry that they killed him; he was scared, he wanted to go home, and they killed him. (Yes, I know that he ate people. I don't see much of a problem with that, to be honest; they knew pretty soon not to stay there, it's their fault if they get eaten.) I confess Beowulf is so not my favorite character at the moment.

Wow, it seems that a lot of folks have been offing themselves recently. (As in suicide.) Every other thread I wander into seems to mention another occurance of this.

I confess, I do not feel bad about any of it, bad for these people. Whenever I hear that someone has committed suicide, the thought that naturally occurs to me is a thankfulness that that person's troubles and suffering are over; he or she is finally free from this hell of a life. I confess that I've been tempted to speak well of suicide, to celebrate death, but I know with a large degree of certainty that what I say in those lines would be misconstrued in some unfortunate or unintended way.

Everyone else does seem to feel "bad" about these things (at least those with anything to say at all, trolls discounted). I confess, I worry that my response is overly atypical, that I should feel bad when I hear someone has committed suicide; but I do not. I confess that this worries me a bit, but that I still believe my feelings on the matter are correct, even to the point of being more correct than everyone else. So far, those who have killed themselves have not been any who I've been acquainted with; but even if they were, I suspect that I would feel the same.

I know what it is like to be suicidal, to live a life that I often do not want to live, to constantly feel the weight of the fetters of existance, to be forced to be who and what I am rather than who and what I should have been... There have been several times in my life where I've come very close to killing myself; not in some cry-for-help attempt sort of way; in a way aimed squarely at death (escape) that would leave no room for survival (imprisonment). So if I might speak well, feel well, about others committing suicide, it is not through lack of understanding or contempt that I might do so; quite the opposite, really.

Those times when I've come very close to the edge have been times when life has kicked the living s**t out of me, as happens from time to time. But, among many other things, I seem to have been gifted with a staunch *survivor personality*; no matter how close I may get to killing myself, there is always some part of me that holds back; it is not out of fear of death, but rather a determined unwillingness to accept defeat, to allow this life to defeat me; I'm a fighter, something that seems to be inherant to my personality, for better or worse. But having such a temperament comes with a price, often a very high one. And I often go so far as to feel jealous of those who do manage to escape.

I confess, I thought that the way I feel and react in this area might have been common amongst aspies, with all of their strange disconnects from general humanity; but it appears I was wrong about this. I wonder, then, what is wrong with me; or, what is right with me, and wrong with everyone else...

I confess, I do not know.

Good fortune,

- Icarus seeks understanding...

I confess that it's time to flip the tape, but I'm too lazy to do it ATM.

I confess, I miss studying chemistry and chemical engineering. "Better living through chemistry.", the old saying goes...

pH, "potential hydrogen" on a logarithmic scale, acids and bases, free hydrogen and hydroxyl radicals floating about, looking for things to latch onto or pull apart. Too much H+ or -OH and the pH veers away from neutral. And when the pH of a solution or system of solutions veers away from neutral, when the balance between the radicals is not balanced, the solution become caustic, and has the potential to burn. Sometimes the ability to burn is a good things; oftentimes not.

I confess, I tend to become too caustic too quickly sometimes, though whether I tend more towards acidity of basicity is not something I fully understand. But I do need to understand it; for if I might seek to control my own level of causticness, I need to know whether to toss more acid or more base into the solution to bring things back into balance; adding the wrong thing will only serve to worsen things. But I do not have a pH meter, or any litmus paper; all I can do is put my finger in the solution and see if it burns; or throw the solution onto somebody else and see if they get burned. I can’t seem to tell a solution’s pH just by looking at it. Is there no better way to go about this?

In any case, the most prudent SOP is probably to always wear safety goggles when you're around me.

Good fortune,

- Icarus is seething with free radicals...

I confess that I'm looking forward to December and Christmas, for the first time in two years.

Sid :O)

I confess... I am wearing the same socks I wore yesterday.

I confess I completely overracted today when my direct supervisor asked to meet with me and left me hanging for over an hour before the start of it. I admit that I thought what they were going to tell me was going to force me to quit my job and run screaming down the street like a mad lunatic in a fit of rage where they would likely have to find a white jacket just my size in order to contain me.

Only, when I arrived, it was nothing of the sort. There have been positions changing and a "friend" of mine has been promoted to supervise me. *sigh* what a bloody relief!