What's on your mind right now?

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How to perform physical activities without injuring yourself WHILE not needing a break.

Nope. The physical body doesn't work that way.

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I WISH I was more physically adept... but I let myself balloon to 227 pounds... people say I don't look it, but STILL, it's unhealthy. I need to lose 107 pounds now and I haven't the patience, I just like to see results.

... I wish to GAIN weight instead. I kept losing weight, and I lost more when I just turned 22. I never went past 100 pounds.

And everyone had been commenting how skinny I become. It's been that way for a week now.
My body could've been weaker than I anticipated. It's my mind that compensates, and had been overruling my supposedly physical limits.

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I have this really fit mind too, and this really unfit body... actually, my legs are really in shape and muscular because I always pace, but my arms are flabby and I have a huge stomach... people have tried to give up their seats on the bus for me thinking I was pregnant!! ! I also was asked how far along I was by a woman once when I wasn't pregnant. I have a few friends and acquaintances that this happened to too tho so I'm not alone at least.

I pace too. In kilometers. Usually lasts an hour.
If I look at my arms, I wouldn't be surprised if I lifted something heavy one day, and suddenly, I get a broken arm.
No one would ever mistaken me for pregnant. They'd mistake me for a child instead.

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You can shop for clothes for cheap then, in the kids' section!!

I am said to "carry it well", probably because I pace a lot so a lot of it is muscle. Except my arms and stomach, of course. I pace in like miles too, all day long, while talking, while drinking coffee, while watching TV, while eating.

They've given me a student's discount, mistaken me for someone without a guardian, and still plenty would address me with something that translates to 'little girl'.
I also know how to surprise the crap out of them by revealing my real age -- without explicitly saying it. It's just a simple subtile demeanor change. I could still have the same face and clothes, yet different 'take' from others.

My happy self is really just a child, that does looked and 'act' like one.
But when I get serious, or moody, it's likely that they won't mistaken me for a child.

Though... I'm a bit too tall for the kids' section. The width fits, but not the lengths... The shoes especially. Even if I was really a child back then, finding my footwear size isn't easy.



And my tablet died. The Wi-Fi range is outside, and I don't own a power bank or an extension.

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Poor tablet. Just give it a rest for now and it might come back on.

I have been carded recently and I'm 29 so I felt good. I hadn't been carded since I was 19. Someone here where I live claims they thought I was 16 from my looks, but then again, others here thought I was in my late 30s, but they claim it wasn't because of my looks but because most people have kids later than I did these days.

Thoughts are scattering all over the place. Read about a human rights crisis this morning that almost reduced me to tears, rare for me to be so outwardly emotional. It's been a week or so since being placed back onto meds and I definitely am feeling those side-effects. The shaking is by far the worse, but luckily seems to go away come evening.

Can't wait for class tomorrow. I think we will be moving on to fondant soon and I want to master roses this week.

Ephemeral dreams.

I just saw an ad on Commercials I Hate for a drug called Opdivo, which is for people with advanced lung cancer. The ad claims it will give people "a chance" to live longer. But holy sweet mother of mercy, the side effects!

Here are just a few:

-Causing your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body, which can lead to death.
(a drug that can give you "a chance" to live longer by killing you. Yeah that makes sense)
- New or worsening cough
-Diarrhea (hopefully not at the same time as new or worsening cough!)
-Chest pain
-Shortness of breath
-Severe stomach pain
-Severe nausea or vomiting
-Extreme fatigue
-Constipation
-Excessive thirst or urinating
-Swollen ankles
-loss of appetite
-rash, itching
-headache
-confusion
-hallucinations
-muscle or joint pain
-flushing, fever
-weakness

And they said in the commercial those weren't even all the side effects you could get. Those were actually the most common ones that were LESS severe (except the on where your immune system attacks your body, obviously) And they list these for at least half the commercial while we're shown people hugging and playing with their children while surrounded by gorgeous natural scenery like mountains and waterfalls and lakes. It was such a typical "ask your doctor ad" I actually started laughing.

This drug won't make you live longer, it'll make you wish you would die faster!

And the less common but more severe side effects they didn't mention in the ad include:

-Blood clot in lung
-Escape of fluid into lung
-Inflammation of the lung or pituitary gland
-Lung failure
-Pneumonia
-Sepsis caused by bacteria
-A rupture in the stomach wall and intestines
-Diabetes
-Hepatitis
-Serious muscle damage that may lead to kidney failure
-Pancreatitis
-Psoriasis
-and severe weight loss.

What is UP with these commercials?!

I just talked to my son for 3 hours on the phone, going to call him again in another hour if he feels like talking still. I made him laugh and laugh and laugh today! I hope I can make him laugh again!

How to get 200 more words in today...

I can't sleep, and that's okay. I can draw my energy from God; I don't need to pay for every happy time with a sad or tired time.