What's on your mind right now?

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I have been feeling sad and lonely for the last few weeks and it's not fun.
Recently I saw Anna Akana's video about talking to people with depression and I found it pretty interesting; Although I am not depressed myself as far as I can tell but there were some interesting points in the video that I could relate to.

One important thing that most people would do when someone is depressed is trying to cheer them up or come up with solutions as an attempt to help them while the person just wants to have someone that listens to them and get to know how they feel.

I have noticed during the times that I told my classmates that I was feeling lonely that they were trying to come up with solutions to make me feel better but I did not feel like there was a moment for them to realise how sad I have been feeling and how it affects my sleep.
I did get a text message from a classmate telling me that he was happy that I finally told the entire class about my problem but it just felt different than I had hoped.

There was no realisation from the teachers that I finally explained why I came late to class so often and not from my classmates either.
When I talk with my counsellor about the problem it feels like I can clearly explain why I am feeling sad and she does not attempt to cheer me up, she actually listens to what I have to say and asks me how I feel.
During the moments I could explain the problem to my class it always feels as if I have to rush because we also have to pay attention ti the problems of the rest of the class which are just as important as mine of course but it feels as if they try to fix my problem as quickly as possible so they can also help the rest.

These talks and the intervention occurred back in June but I keep having recurring flashbacks about it and I even dreamed about arriving too late to college.
In the dream my class was annoyed at me and the teacher said "You're late, you're ALWAYS late!"
I then angrily shouted to my entire class about how I was unable to sleep because of haunting anxious overthinking that hits me during the late night as I am thinking of a reason why no one ever wants to talk to me or actually be my friend.
I woke up at that moment feeling really sad and I was worried I actually said it loud.
I'm tired of being sad, I don't want to spend my vacation like this.

Fear over the weird dreadful paranoid feelings I've been having and the weird symptom I had in regards to eating (Basically OCD)

I'M GOINNA' CVS TO BUY ME SOME MILK!

no matter what i do or how much effort i waste, (it appears that) nothing that i have ever done has ever had a predictable, regular, positive effect on the situation. such that the effort justifies the outcome.

so why bother doing anything?

there are an unlimited number of was something could go wrong. many of those ways i have never imagined.

and if something goes right, then what?

whooptie do

_____________________________________________________________________________

I'm so tired but I'm working the closing shift at my new job tonight.

And my work pants are so stiff and uncomfortable

Sort of miffed an autism group I attend each month has been cancelled; August's socialising quotas may not be met! Additionally feeling consistently nauseous at random intervals throughout the day for over a week. Barring anything interfering with what I have to take, I really need to find a better multivitamin.

I wonder why I had a meltdown today... I think it was because I didn't eat a lot and I had a lot of sugar last night.

I need to eat less sugar.

There's so many habits I have to work on.

One thing at a time...

DEATH. *pause* Not death, but DEATH.

I have a feeling there's going to be a change inside me that I don't like. I guess it's the fluid adaptation.

And I have a feeling this has something to do with that... Unpredictable system. I sort of delayed it, in some way. Yet I couldn't just hold it up forever, it's inevitable.
I wonder if I could crack this one. I cracked my first when I didn't knew what it was called.

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I don't want to sleep because if I sleep, I'll have to wake up and it will be tomorrow.
I am trying to stop time because I don't want to go to work.
Not don't want to go like I just don't feel like it, but don't want to go like it is causing me severe emotional distress.
Every mental illness turned up to the maximum.
I can't be off sick because I'll lose my bonus.
This is making me extremely ill.

I am now at the point where I don't care who knows how I feel, or have any problem describing it verbally. That is a big (bad) deal. I don't even feel guilty, let alone ashamed, for telling them. I have been honest about my feelings to my family. Tomorrow I will be honest with work if I get the chance (and I better had).

All I want is for people to stop f*****g me around, and to work days instead of evenings. That's it. That's all that stands between me and some kind of collapse, which I'm heading for pretty spectacularly.
Will it fix my depression generally? No. My anxiety? No.
Will it take the suicidal bite out of the depression? Will it give me one day where I can breathe without the weight of dread in my chest? Yes and yes.

I need to sleep, there's no way out of work tomorrow and if I'm tired it won't go well. It won't go well anyway. I can't be there without my head deciding I should kill myself. I can't even think about it without physical pain.

I want someone to help me but no one can help me.
I don't know what I'm going to do.

^

^Thanks

You can never stop time. Slowing down never stops it. Mellowing it could also slow down time, making everything seems not to end even if it just become more bearable.

Yet you can make time faster to end things as quickly as possible. What matters is that there's an end to it. That's how time heals -- to end things.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

^ You're very right.
I will just get to the end of it.