Post a bad joke

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I used to play an instrument (according to my dad) called a swinenet. Said instrument was a full grown sow, with piano strings stretched over her arse. You played it by plucking the strings with your teeth.

(I told dad and my brothers many times, "'T'aint funny, McGee!" I got told I had no sense of humor and to go f!ck myself)

I know a great knock-knock joke. You start.

Q: What happens when a cardiologist tries to double as a gynecologist?
A: A diagnosis of an unstable vagina.

Q: Why did the circus fortune teller visit the prosthetic clinic?
A: It was time for him to get a new crystal ball.

Q: When do redneck doctors write orders saying "barium"?
A: After C.P.R. has failed.

The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.

What clothing is most suitable for a dog?

pants.

Why did the chicken *not* cross the road?
Because it was chicken!

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

A friend of mine had a special interest in farm motor vehicles, but he's not interested any more. He's an Extractor Fan.

A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "So. Why the long face?"

Two guys are in a bar. One guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?". The other guy says, "I don't know; what was her maiden name?".

What does a nosey pepper do?



Get jalapeño business.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food here."

If your father's name is Ben and your mother's name is Anna, then your name must be...


BENANNA!

Someone once asked me "Do you ever have trouble making up your mind?"
I answered, "Yes and no."

Someone else once asked me, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?"
I answered, "I don't know, and I don't care".

And someone else once asked me, " Are you hard of hearing?"
I answered, "Huh?"

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 (ate) 9!

These aren't aren't so much jokes, per se, but more like funny philosophical questions:

Why is something delivered by car called a ship-ment while something delivered by ship is called a car-go?

Why do we look up when we feel some raindrops, as if we didn't know where they came from?

Where, exactly, is nowhere?

If Batman is so clever, why is his underwear on the outside of his tights?

If geese fly to a warmer climate every winter, why do they bother coming back in the spring?

Why do doctors tell us "take care of yourself" after an appointment, when they'd be out of a job if we actually did?

If cats always land on their feet and bread always lands buttered-side down, what would happen if you tied the bread buttered-side up onto the cat's back and dropped them both?

same reason superman does, aesthetics. to "break up" his costume so he does not look like a soild wall of gray (or blue in superman's case).