Post a random truth (about yourself)

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You're mistaken. Every single thing about hellfire is followed up or preceded by a description or mention of paradise. It's a constant balance whereas you describe it as one extreme which is untrue. Similarly with the 99 Names of God, the majority are about forgiveness, kindness, etc.
To say otherwise is disingenuous.

Again, I doubt you read Sunnah/Ahadith to get any kind of impression like that. I already explained the reason for that. (They are not meant to be separated, e.g. method of prayer cannot be known unless looking at hadith, although Quran mentions it plenty of time. They also give the context and many other things that you cannot get from the one book.)
Coincidences and 'miracles' in patterns/numbers/ etc are not the point of these books.

As an autistic, I cannot afford the order.
I cannot return to order...


Imagine wanting 'order' so badly yet never having them. A part of me is but tense, closed...

No routines, no room to practice disciplines because there simply isn't any space for it.
Demanding certainty of no interference -- a life completely separate from home life -- and never granted that. This made me stuck on a stage of being overly secretive and distrusting about sharing the things I do from anyone connected to my family in general.

Why 'no space'?
My idea of 'space' requires strict and clear boundaries, knowing it's mine and mine alone for an indefinite amount of time -- something I can never ever had as long as I have to share a room with anyone, which is practically my whole life now.

I've yet to have privacy on long term and certain as opposed to short term and on-need-basis.

Growing up with people knowing they'd find my keys, rummage through my bag, cannot keep handwritten dairies and receipts because of that... Ugghh.
And it's not some baseless 'paranoia' when waking up several times catching my mom and my sister doing it -- and talking about it whenever they thought I'm asleep. Knowing how social they are and inevitably spread to several circles.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I am both asocial and asexual.

I have chronic insomnia that has worsened during the pandemic. ;_;

You are my new BFF!
I have been vegetarian since 1996 and vegan since 2017.

I'm nearly blind in my left eye and can barely see anything without my glasses on.

My 24" screen is approximately 3' away right now. With my right eye I can make out the 6pt clearly. With my left between 48 and 60 is about where the boundary falls.

At three feet distance which is farther than I normally keep my laptop, I can't read any of them. I get double vision and see two overlapping blobs for 84. I could possibly make out the shape to involve an 8 because of its roundness, but no way can I decipher the 4.

I'm going to try putting it across the room to use my distance vision .... I wonder if it will be better.


.... at about 6 metres away without glasses, the 72 looks like 72 or 77. The 84 looks like 64.

I'm not under 40 .... and my distance is actually quite good except for reading from far away. I don't even need a distance prescription except for special lenses to correct occasional double vision when I drive.

My reading vision is likely shattered by doing so much reading ... and the double vision (primarily at a distance) started as a direct result of my stroke. But yes, I can see where a lot of people wreck their eyes with screen time.

I don't wanna go back home! I want to stay with my sister and her husband.


I don't even mind the drug-addicted people everywhere in her apartment, acting strangely, and outside it, as much as I mind being isolated.

I don't mind the risk that my car will be broken into (which happened to her) as much as I mind having to deal with everything myself.

I don't mind the fact that she told me just down the street is a brothel and she sees extremely young girls standing about and known drug sellers and it is dangerous at night.


Being so far from known people is awful especially as the nearest 2 people I know are the old lawyer, who lives closer to me than XH, and I've already seen him 3 times, and XH. Can't breathe easily.