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(Heavy sigh) So what's happening now.... Had to get a second lawyer after the first one said that he doesn't do libel cases. So what did the new one say? Since me and Mary were never allowed to defend ourselves, we should make up a nice explanation explaining our side of the story (without naming names) and send it out to the people who signed the petitions. What do I say to that? What a bunch of bull crap! Why the hell should I be nice and why not name names?! Our names are in bold for all to see on those damn petitions with a bunch of f'n false accusations with no proof. Be nice about it?! It's not like I'm going to get sued for anything I say. We already found that out. Evidently any piece of crap A-holes can smear your name by saying any outlandish thing they want and totally get away with it. Those people in the petitions aren't worth my time, paper or stamps when it comes to an explanation.

Now, one of the SOB's on the board who does the newsletter put behind my name "Retiring". Retiring my ass. They put that because they couldn't get me off the board like they wanted to so this is how they get back at me. I already know from two lawyers that they can't keep me from running for the Board, so I just sent out an email to answer something and I put at the bottom - PS: I will not be retiring. Let them think about that for awhile. I actually won't be running next year, but they won't know that. Instead, Mary's husband Jimmy will be running which will be a total shocker. I need a break. I'm also not going to show up at the meeting next week, but won't tell them until last minute (a few hours before the meeting). Someone else will have to take the Minutes. They are not going to get a chance to get at me again. They had to cancel their little "special meeting" to burn me at the stake, so you think that they will be nice to me at the last meeting? I'm not going to give them the chance. I also don't want to be anywhere near that clubhouse - found out that some people may be bringing guns to the meeting. This is getting totally out of hand. I also found that a police officer has linked himself onto my LinkedIn account about a month ago which is about the time that all this hell broke loose. I decided to go onto my Linked In account last night and I just came out and asked that officer if I knew him and how did he get on my Linked In account. No answer yet. Screw this crap. I have done nothing wrong. It's that lunatic that is doing it all. Several people have been to the police and they keep saying they can't do anything about it. The police can't do anything, the lawyers can't do anything - what the hell good are they?! Then when a shooting happens, that's when they all say why didn't anyone say anything? It's not for lack of trying.
A-holes.

Speaking of A-Holes, took Ma to the oncologist yesterday about her teeth problem. The damn oncologist she has now will be leaving to go back up North. Thank God we' ll be through with his ass. He said that her teeth surgery was going to be all taken care of, but it wasn't because the surgeons backed out saying it was too risky, but did he even know that? NO! We had to tell him. He was acting like it was still on. What a Jackass. And then do you know what he said? Doing Ma's teeth should be done since "she has about 2 years left - if she was going to die tomorrow then I would say to leave it alone." I was so shocked that I didn't even say anything. I hate doctors. Those doctors all thought Ma wasn't going to live this long, but with the decisions that I have made, Ma is still alive 6 years later. I told Ma not to listen to him because he has no f'n idea when her number is up. All doctors have a God complex, but what they don't know is they wouldn't have gotten where they are without God's help. I have known more than any of her oncologist so far - what pain med that isn't a narcotic that she could take for inflammation that wouldn't screw with her platelets, that she had to have iron chelation because of all the blood transfusions, it was me who found her cardiothoracic surgeon who was able to do her CABG and save her life with minimal bleeding, and it was me that pulled Ma of off the clinical trials and opt for supportive treatment which has gotten her to where she is today - her blood numbers have never been better. Screw that ass oncologist. I have a good idea of why he's leaving - I already told someone that I didn't like what I overheard him say before - right after he had seen Ma. I have a feeling that there have probably been other complaints - not just mine. And now this saying that Ma has only 2 yrs left. If he was staying, I definitely would have said something. I got exceptionally angry at her last oncologist and fired him when he said that Ma had only one year to live - that was 6 years ago. Ass. Most doctors know nothing - excluding Ma's cardiothoracic surgeon who was a Godsend. I was able to cheer Ma up again last night to where she is going to hang up a few pictures and then she is going to adopt a kitty! Now she wouldn't be doing that if she thought she only had a couple years left. Soon it will be time to meet her new oncologist - out with the old and in with the new.

patients or their family members always need to be advocates. when the pharmacy refused to give marc his pneumonia shot, i got a note from the doc telling them to do it. when a nurse tried to give marc tylenol for a fever that was being followed, she gave me attitude for refusing the med. i let an aide know that a bottle of ensure has 240ml, not the 180 she put on his I&O's. i got marc's chemo moved before our paris trip so he wouldn't be neutropenic and need platelets in paris. i just fired my rheumatologist for not answering questions. it's a darn good thing because the new one said the toxic methotrexate the first one prescribed isn't needed yet. and on and on. i feel bad for folks who aren't assertive and have no one in their corner. thank goodness your mom has you.

I feel bad and keep blaming myself because I feel that I should have helped my Pa more. I just keep thinking I could have done something. Idk. It bothers me. I wasn't as involved in Pa's care or anything after he had done the "suicide thing". I just couldn't get past that. Our relationship was never the same and I just stayed out of his life as much as I could and tolerated him when necessary. There were some good times after he was medicated and was more of the person he should have been, but by then it was just too late. I hurt for what could have been and I keep wondering if I could have done more. It still upsets me because I don't know really how he died and it was alone. That's always going to bother me.

I'm thinking of a way to convince my mom to allow me to invite my girlfriend to join us for Thanksgiving dinner.

Knowing my mom, she will get suspicious of not only me, but also my girlfriend.