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Don't place Blu-rays near magnetic fields. They may explode.
(It is all over YouTube!)

All of the ads on Youtube are for legitimate products and serveses.

Things have just been going from bad to worse!

My fingernails seemed a little long so I stuck them into the mani/pedi robot...but it malfunctioned! It ripped off the pinky on my left hand! So, of course, I went to the first-aid robot and presented my damaged hand and the loose finger. Sigh. It did it backwards! When it was done the fingernail was on the same side as the palm! Naturally the fresh connection between the finger and the hand was so new it was easy to pull the finger back off and present it and the hand to the first-aid robot again. Yeah, it reversed the finger like I "asked" it to—it attached the fingernail end of the finger to the hand!!

I don't know what the problem is but I heard the Roomba chuckling.

Any ideas how I can get the robots to fix my hand correctly?

If you go to a police station and ask to borrow a squad car they'll let you.

Fire hydrants are free, public showers for people who can’t afford their own shower or couldn’t pay the water rates

To my amazement, Tomato Soup is made with sesame seeds and Willow Tree bark!
The color is completely artificial!

My horse collection is getting out of hand. I just had to squeeze two Clydesdales into the bathroom 'cos there wasn't room for them anywhere else. I got this shelving unit which everyone on horsecollector.net said should be fine for displaying my entire collection, but they collapsed when I put just one horse on them.

I'm going to have to drive my Porsche to work on Monday as my Rollis Royce will be in the shop getting serviced.

It's easier to be a soldier than it is to be an elf.

Art museums want you to touch their art exhibits as much as possible.

Cheese is the best thing to eat before bed.

Every song in existence is by Cyndi Lauper, except for Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, that was her cover of a Megadeth song

Theorem : any prime number is either the sum of two even (nonzero) numbers or the product of two square numbers.
(although there is also a faint possibility for product of three cubic numbers, but it is very rare)

Robert DeNiro played guitar, briefly, for The Rolling Stones after Brian Jones passed away, according to Keith Richards, who is my uncle.

... Everything above is blatantly TRUE.