nurseangela wrote:
I miss Pa.
We had Christmas up at Ma's last night and it was fun, but Pa wasn't there. It's too bad we didn't have Christmas last year. Ma seems happier. I'm having a hard time. I keep seeing a lot of the same mannerisms in myself that Pa had. We were a lot alike. My brother takes after Ma. I cried again today. I just keep wondering where Pa is at and why are we even here. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I'm not getting any happiness out of life and I don't know how to change that. (Heavy sigh) Now I'm worried about Ma all the time. I'm tired of worrying.
This is something that is true and that I have experienced and also some of my friends.
About a year or two after the passing of a loved one, you will receive a sign that they are not really gone, and it is time to resume a life with happiness in it. Then you will be able to get on with life.
I do so much commiserate with you seeing your father's mannerisms in yourself. When my mother passed, I got some gestures, her voice, and even sometimes her handwriting. That is part of the agony of grief. When you get your sign, you will be able to let go of that stuff.
And what is the sign. For me, it was a dream of Mom at about age 45, phoning me and laughing and laughing. She wore the clothes I got for her when I did her makeover. And I was in the dream, in my bed, laughing and laughing. I woke, still laughing out loud. I knew that was the sign.
For my friend, in a dream she saw her Scottish father playing his bagpipes as he walked in Scotland. She could feel his happiness and content.
I must sound like a snake-oil salesman. But it's true and doesn't cost a dime.

It doesn't always come in a dream. It might be an object that was his.
I hope you'll take encouragement from this. I wouldn't tell if I didn't know for a certainty that this is true.
Blessings on you!