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I'm as healthy as an orange.

Spiders, in groups of three or more, are capable of solving complex mathematics, providing they do no eat each other.

Yeah...I remember those three. They were our next-door neighbors when I was very young.

They were very nice people and did not spend all of their time discussing math with spiders. They also spent time playing games with the neighbor's toddler son. By the way...they were terrible at chess.

Discovered in 1878, in Sussex, William Chaloner demonstrated, and thus proved before the King, William IV, that hidden deep in the sinuses, behind the eyes, housed two tiny beings that harvested the impurities from the air and digested said impurities.

He further demonstrated that when one has a sinus discharge, it was these tiny beings emptying the many bony buckets of waste gathered over time. Snot and boogers are the poo of these tiny beings.

The King was stunned, and going to dictate a notice to the population about these tiny beings, but he passed away. Although his daughter, the newly crowned Queen Anne, knew of this discovery, she withheld the knowledge because it was "just icky." She ordered William Chaloner exiled to New Zealand, where the insane were sent at the time, because Bedlam was full.

He did not complete the ocean voyage. It is record in the ship's log, that he fell overboard in a drunken stupor. A crewman's diary from the time said he was tricked into diving into the water to fetch a shilling. His body was never recovered.

To this day, these tiny being continue to show up on X-rays and MPI recordings, but are ignored.

There's no need to worry: our leaders have everything under control.

I love your story, pcgoblin! It reminds me of the one about Christopher Columbus: that he had a pearl bigger than any pearl ever seen before, and he had it specially engraved, 'No Woman's Son Ever Had Bigger', and he used to like to toy with it idly to impress visitors to his ship; but one day it slipped from his fingers and fell into deep water, and he pretended not to care while the visitors were there but after they'd left many poor men's lives were lost diving for it in vain... alas poor Columbus...

^ more or less as told by Brantome.

This Friday night will be a safe night to go to a Halloween dance. Screw Schlager music. I'll be at the dance.

This is a coded message

The Process -
Walk into any selling establishment.
Pick up any single item. (Just one item. Don't be greedy.)
Carry it to the cashier.
Place the single item on the counter, ready to be paid for.
It is important that you do this next step BEFORE the item is rung up on the cash register.
Pour two liters (8.5 cups) of sand on the counter next to the item.
Look into the cashier's eyes, and say "The sands of time stop for no one. Return to the sea."
(When you say Return to the sea, you may gesture with one or both your arms. The gesture does not matter, but the cashier often appreciates the added flair.)
Then wink at the cashier.
There are only two responses from the cashier.

First response -
The cashier says "I hear Steve Martin is reprising his role as King Tut in an upcoming photoplay."
If this occurs, give the cashier a nod. Single nod or multiple nods, it does not mater, but do NOT exceed twelve nods.
As a response, they will nod, and wink at you, once with each eye; first one eye , and then the other eye.
Then you may pick up the item and leave.
Any other exchange of information after this is considered "dessert."
The item can be anything from a pack of gum to a 65" television. The item does not matter, except to you.

The second response -
Anything other than the first response is a sign that you are facing an unwilling participant.
This is not good.
Promptly say "I beg your pardon. Excuse me. I need to pick up a prescription at the local druggist."
Promptly leave. Don't pick up the item. Don't clean up the sand. Skedaddle!
* Gleaned from the document Navigating Customs and Rituals of the Yip Secret Society.
Note: An 1823 addendum from to the original document, suggests the sand should be clean sand, free from horse, camel, and all other poo from any animal. However, it is only a suggestion.

My beard's coming on a treat

My mind's gone on a trick.

Letters - AaBbZz
Letters italicized - AaBbZz

Symbols - !@#$%^&
Symbols italicized - !@#$%^&

Punctuation - ?;:,.
Punctuation italicized - ?;:,.

Everything italicized is slanted.
We must assume the period is slanted as well. When I think of that, I wonder why the period does not roll off the page? It is round, and always leaning one way, according to the rules of italics. Everything leans forward, and yet everything does not fall over.

The letter O is the same, or is it?

O vs O or o vs o or 0 vs 0. (All the slanting letters and numbers are tall than wide, so one can tell they are slanted. Only the period looks unchanged. Perhaps only the period is in danger of rolling forward and off the edge of the page or until it runs into the next letter.

So there we have the great period paradox. Is this evidence of an unknown force of physics or perhaps an unknown force of nature? The difference? A force of natures is the result of chemistry and physics. A force of physics are the forces that control waves and particles.

-- lost note from Walt Whitman to ee cummings.

If two autistic people make eye contact with each other, they will both spontaneously combust.

I have 13 children.

Halloween is a commemoration of when the calendar year used to only have 10 months, and end on 31st October. It never had anything to do with witches

I am so looking forward to tomorrow. November is my favorite month and I love Remembrance Day.

Turns out that adults going trick or treating by themselves and for themselves is not so frowned on and is actually welcomed. I got lots of chocolate and sweeties last night, and I wasn’t even questioned or given any funny looks