Post a random truth (about yourself)

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I don't have a contradicting upbringing like that.

Everyone around me encourages me, hypes me up, etc. Even now as an adult.
No one called me an idiot, dumb or whatever.

No one tried to put me down in my life so far. Not even as a joke.

My own self doubt isn't some internalized message from ignorant people. And more of a dysregulation induced unreliability and uncertainty.

Most source of my doubt is by being stretched thin managing my very loud interoception.
Not self talk, but unmanageable neglected symptoms I wish I can ignore but couldn't.


Imagine you have sinusitis, except it never goes away.
And you cannot call sick. People pretend it's just an allergy than a literal chronic pain in the head, you breathe through a really thin straw and get constantly physically disrupted at random.
You take meds like every other who did but that never actually worked for you for most of your life. If having sniffles warrants for absence, I may never allowed to be outside at all for most of my life.

Can I be a waitress who can be reliable doing her job? Yes.
Can I be a waitress that isn't grossing the hell out of everyone by sneezing really loudly and involuntarily every 10 seconds? No.

Can both statements reconcile in practice?
I do not know. I just pray I just don't sneeze at all or at least the entire day, and ruin everything like accidentally spilling something because I cannot be steady because I was too busy sneezing. Maybe I get lucky that I never had to at all, why, partaking over that job would be a gamble, wouldn't?

And even if it could, should I? Should anyone?

^
I can relate to the pain of snot problems very strongly after my recent experience, though that was only for a couple of days and I didn't expect it would become permanent, except in darker moments. And I could kind of breathe.

I get the frustration, having all the potential to achieve great things except for one fatal parameter.

Mine was a reality for the last 20+ years of my life, affecting me since early developmental years.

No idea how much I have to undo the sh*t it did or if that change from completely unmanageable to relatively manageable that it'll stick that it'll only be that entire 20+ years.

To a point that neurodivergence had been easier.

No, instead, I spent basically too much of my life dealing with internal crap and no space in between and be interrupted.
I do not need short contents for my thought processes to be disrupted and emulate ADHD.

And people thought it's an allergy or a fricking 'mannerism'.

Worse??? It would've been preventable.
So are those cheers and positivism ever been useful to me? Fricking no. Not even any feel goods and relaxations makes me stop those flare ups.

The only "no"s I get are to do with socioeconomics of what my household cannot afford or their ideas of what being a female should not be doing.


Regardless, people did not hear me complain. And if they do, they're useless against it.

Luck only worked. Really.
Even the utterly unmanageable crap to actually manageable was found by accident.

Heck, that's been a running theme in my life, that I might as well do nothing but wait and get rewarded.
... And where's the pride in that??
And I'm a proud person with a demanding enough ego, who happened to be lucky.

Might as well replace competency with luck in my case;
Luck is something I'm confident having in but should I rely on it?
Should I have faith that it'll carry me through life? I'm not even an optimistic person.


As for having one perimeter short; mine actually moves. I get one good or better trait and I also get one crappier trait of the day. Maybe I wake up with OK regulation but crappy intuition. Maybe I wake up clumsy and moody but no cravings.

Ideally, I just hope I wake up with nothing to cope.

No, there was no technique -- only that I couldn't seem to perform consistently even if everything around me seem to be.
I don't seem to have a form of continuity... Even dynamic disabilities has a pattern, and I barely see mine.


And I tend to not believe in people who claim and thinks something that can be cut through are one and the other are the very same.

To me, they're the types of people no different than mistaking sex and romance for love or something.

Or refusing to know and question the difference between what is emotional from what is social.
And assume everything social is emotional, that it's all about attitude than the prerequisites state to acquire said attitudes.

Doesn't matter if they're certified professionals or not.
I seem to work backwards when it came to something like this, that sometimes to a point that it'll take so much work out of someone to communicate with me -- not my words, but of someone who worked around me for years.

And those who don't: they will fail my case. Unless they themselves admit that they cannot see the difference than speak in declaratives without owning that's just their POV.

I consider Lady Luck to be a fickle person, and wouldn't personally trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm a defensive pessimist mostly but I try to temper it by looking at the possible good that could happen, though without letting faith trick me into assuming it will happen.


There's no accounting for the moods I get either, but these days they don't swing about as widely as they used to do, and I seem to be able to identify them a bit more easily than I used to.
.
Well, communication can be hard, but I once read that it's possible to have some kind of meaningful conversation even with a ?schizophrenic who can only talk "word salad." (Not that I'm saying you do that). Personally the only people that feel like hard work are the aggressive ones, because the wrong kind of bully can really make me feel hostile too. But even nasty people are sometimes not very difficult to deal with, either to calm them down and encourage them to be more friendly (my preferred option) or to slap them down in the hope of a Pavlovian result.


I'm not quite sure what you mean but I can relate your dislike of what I call "absolutism," i.e. when somebody projects something inside themselves onto the rest of the world, in order to duck responsibility for owning their feelings and views. I have to allow for human nature being imperfect and for the fact that people probably use "absolutism" as shorthand for something more objective. But it often just annoys me, and I haven't had much success in trying to correct them by any direct approach. Too blunt I suppose.

I've never had a Starbucks anything

Woah.

You haven't lived then have you?

No

I won't go in coffee shops by myself and my daughter doesn't like the coffee in Starbucks so we always got in Pret or Costa

Oh right, fair enough.

Costa is nice, I have never been to Pret.

My dyslexia has gone really bad these last couple of days

I can barely read without my yellow sheet over my words

I wonder if it's normal for dylsexia to go worse like this or if I'd I should get it looked at

I just make my own (cheaper, more control), or rather I don't because it would make my teeth go brown.

LEFT-WING SLEDGEHAMMER WARNING
The Starbucks fatcats weren't paying any tax in the UK till people noticed and had an outcry that brought down their share prices. I try not to line the pockets of selfish money-grabbing elitists unless I have no choice, so if I did go to a coffee house, it would be a quaint little mom and pop place with egalitarian values, or a worker co-operative or something.
OK, political rant over. Go in peace. That wasn't so bad, was it?

Yeah but when I go to the park on my own I go in the cafe there and I get a tea

But it's just the boating lake cafe

^
I like tea.

It calms me down and wakes me up all at the same time

And if I drink at the perfect time it works like magic

Good stuff, tea. But in the USA they buy it ready made in bottles with sugar already added, and drink it cold without milk. At least they're supposed to. I've never seen anybody here buy it or drink it. They seem to prefer fizzy pop or cawfee. But Walmart has the stuff so somebody must like it. They also have tea bags. I'd have to import them myself otherwise.

I like the creaminess of Gouda cheese

Mmm, iced tea is best tea.

Personally, I don't enjoy hot drinks, whether they be coffee, tea, broth, or anything else.