What's on your mind right now?

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there are two cats crying somewhere near my house
i'm worried about them

Anger....they killed one of the state parks, I am still pissed....actually not sure I can get over it, I went there since I was a kid and they Destroyed it.....I just can't stand it. I want to break something or throw something or somehow take out my anger I was so upset. I just want to scream like a crazy tree creature that has just had its roots torn out, like it was so horrific, the ecosystem I saw since I was a kid...just gone in a couple days with saws and bulldozers I just want to scream. It has really pissed me off...LIke what the hell are state parks even for than?Chatfield was a pretty lake and now it is ruined. Humans Suck.

Chinese restaurant leftovers way too tempting

Today and yesterday, ate two servings fried rice each

Throat feels all greasy

Not much else to eat

gluten free casein free diet way too expensive


Precious lil "people" act like they dide a favor but really they hurt me



How annoying

Nothing seems to matter

Appetite gone haywire

Nobody cares about me

The counselor uses too many euphemisms

She acts so innocent and she acts like she is so awesome

But all she does is sit around talking

It gets on my nerves how she says she is "helping"

She doesn't even have to move

"Actions speak louder than words"

Maybe fire her

But then I have nobody to talk to, socially

Besides the counseling clinic

But I had nobody to talk to socially for a long time

And look how functional I turned out

There might not be a solution

The solution hadn't been invented yet

The solution is too expensive

The solution is not practical

thinking to ask the psychologist about alexithymia this friday. reading about it, it could explain the chronic fatigue, pain, confusion, and how directly diet, and sensory input influences well being.

doctors haven’t been able to figure much out, and help, other than gi conditions... at what point are they likely correct in pointing toward psychology in saying those scary symptoms are part of anxiety and depression despite not feeling them properly? almost called an ambulance the other day, and thought, “what if this is what it feels like when needing to cry”, tried to unravel what could be wrong... was a mess, but the physical symptoms stopped temporarily. a medication on is notorious for causing severe depression, but having not accepted it, it could be the body’s need to cry nonstop... humorously reminds of what an old friend might playfully tease: “are you crying? crying is not an acceptable activity.”.

Leaving the house & driving the car so the battery won’t die again. I don’t want to do this, but I must also do this. What else am I doing?

I want to go to bed right now, even though it's too early. Today has been s***, because neither my husband nor I am happy, and the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner a new day will start.

Got the results of my blood test back, and my calcium levels were a bit low, but everything else they checked was fine. I was quite surprised, since dairy products are one of my major sources of protein. I do have a doctor appointment set up for tomorrow afternoon because that eye thing was extremely obnoxious over the weekend. I was getting kind of a jolt in the back of my neck and down my arms a little when it would happen, too. I'm kind of wondering if I might end up getting an MRI instead of/in addition to an EKG

I've been at a crossroads in my life for nearly 12 years now but my mind can't make a decision and my body refuses to move forward.

yesterday, right foot got blister. socks had holes. but usually walk in socks with holes, and usually do not get blisters. kind of have to limp a little, as a result. right shoe got a hole. each step involves contact with the ground/floor.

lately, ate way too much fat/sugar. granola, yogurt. it sounds innocent. but that amount.

lately, things that used to taste unremarkable, suddenly taste way too sweet. tastes changing. suspect diabetes.

35 years old is pretty old. too old to be a child, teen, young adult. almost old enough for senile.

ain't got no precious lil "friends". no $$. body getting weaker. brain getting slower. socially awkward. sensitive to temperature. anxiety. nervous. have to sleep sometimes over 8 hours just to function. and even functioning at full amount, is still not to great. in all or almost all ways, i am rapidly getting much worse. and i was never that great to begin with.

35 is pretty old. plenty of 35 year olds are medical doctors, lawyers, engineers. mid career level. married with children. usually, dramatic events occur the first 35 years of someone's life.

yes, there are exceptions. (fine). but seriously, since i haven't succeeded thus far, it is hard to fathom i might succeed later on.

feel invisible, inconsequential. and maybe that is "As Good As it Gets".

no precious lil "friends". even FaceBook. a former friend dumped me last wednesday. he did not tell me why, and nothing unusually happened lately between us. other facebook friends won't respond to my threads.

maybe i could request more friends. but plenty of times i requested someone and they rejected me.

fear of rejection.

and besides i have nothing to offer someone, positively.

every day, all i do is loiter, panhandle, go for long walks. feel like a public nuisance. feel guilty for not contributing to society.

ain't got no goals.

ain't good at nothing. hardly enjoy doing anything, besides internet.

can't concentrate for the slightest amount of time on the easiest thing.

suspect brain damage

emotional dysregulation