What's on your mind right now?

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Thoughts were racing through my mind this evening. Thoughts about Barb saying to Dean and I that she can't handle it when people cry and it makes it hard for her to cope. All the times I've squelched back my tears like the British do to keep calm and carry on to cater to her. All the time that I've kept a stiff upper lip in order to make her comfortable. All the times that I've maintained a stiff upper lip to keep my mum off my back, because of her sarcastic attitude towards people over the age of 8 crying. I've also been thinking about the 3 months that I've been unemployed that I've been keeping secrets from my mum about how I really feel about not working

....until this morning. I told my mum that I feel dead without a job over the phone and that I feel more alive when I'm working. It looks like my poor little French Canadian mum has a Kraut on her hands. A Kraut who isn't really happy unless he's in the workforce.

Sometimes it appears that everything takes way too much energy. Things do not come naturally.

Waste a lot of time and energy and $$. The most favorable result is, whooptie do

The least favorable response is, subject to imagination


Can't concentrate. Even leisure reading

One hour and that's about it

Regular decibel noises annoy and scare me

bubble boy

Counseling is just sitting around talking

Counselors do not have a right to do fieldwork.

HIPPA

Nobody cares about me

And I am bad at a lot of things

School

Work

Relationship

Emotion

Driving


And etc

Even sleeping. Nightmares. The slightest problem stresses me out and makes it hard to sleep

Eating. Many foods taste overwhelming. The older I get the more food I give up

Worried about malnutrition

Considering gluten free casein free soy free diet

But that is expensive

And results not guaranteed

And doesn't taste good

And it has is own side effects

For example, calcium deficiency

Frustrated, disappointed, ashamed, guilty, bitter, jealous, hateful, angry

Paranoid about brain damage

No precious lil "friends"



Everything takes way too much effort for a little outcome

alcohol-pills combi. Solution to almost every problem in life.

Gonna be another slow day for me.

switching languages. Moving from a Dutch forum to this one all the time, and going crazy. I should register to a French forum as well. Just to keep my mind busy (and crazy).

How it's a beautiful sunny day and it's actually warm out, and I should be going out to enjoy it instead of being parked in front of my computer, but I'm too lazy and unmotivated to even take a short walk somewhere, so I feel guilty. At least when the weather is bad I have a good excuse not to go out.

My body and mind are just deteriorating.

Hoping through diligent studying that I'll pass the 2nd test, then be able to move forwards unto getting a decent occupation.

Now I'm kind of worried about how long I might have to wait after getting my MRI before getting the results. It didn't occur to me until yesterday that I'm not necessarily going to get them right after the procedure is done. Yay, more waiting

I had a better day at Stepping Stones than I thought I would have. My friends spent time with me and my detractors left me alone.

I'm staying at my place today. I need a break from the people in the outside world. I'm going to have the 10 hour version of the German national anthem playing as I clean and tidy my place, finish off a library book, work on my art and post on WP. Perhaps, a day sitting around in my own little country is exactly what I need. It will help me to appreciate the non-WP world more.

Cathy Lynn

Tums are an antacid primarily

Tums just happen to contain calcium

Thus far, it appears that I do not need an antacideven though, yes, Tums are cheaper than other sources of calcium

Gluten free casein free diets tend to result in deficiency of B vitamins as well as fiber

Some books claim that going GFCF is not even good for the body

It would be healthier for me to reduce candy consumption

Candy contains gluten

Addicted to kit Kat, Reese's, twix

My worthless corpse is so fragile in many significant methods. Eat the wrong thing and feel gross. No diagnosed allergies. But many suspected allergies

Every day is just like, whatever



Beyond repair

Too far gone

Lost cause

Slacker

Lazy

Clinical depression

Wounded civilian

No future

Hopeless

Helpless

Hateful

Too lazy and tired

Low social energy

Feel left out

Nothing to do

Nothing I do seems to matter

Cravings gone haywire

No precious lil "friends"

Another relaxing day, I guess....

That I'm so glad Autism Awareness month is almost over. This has been the worst one ever, at least for me.

Next month I will be going on a trip with my mom on Mother's Day. Here's hoping nothing will spoil this much happier occasion for the both of us.