Make an extremely dark joke.

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Anti-vax mom: Aww listen, our baby's saying his last words!
Dad: Don't you mean his first words?
Anti-vax mom: No, I mean his last words!

^ that's evil

Better just check my offsprings startle reflex

IKR!



How unlucky can you get?

It can always be worse

My conception, probably should have aborted that train wreck when you found out the condom broke mom.

Two things that never get old: jokes about anti-vaxxers, and their kids.

Why doesn’t Oedipus use profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Nick Kyrgios-Greek, Malaysian and Australian, an international tennis player whose on court behavior embarrasses a record number of three continents at once.

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”

I've heard that Tide Pods are good for cleaning two things. Clothes and the gene pool.

A patient tells a doctor, "I'm worried that I'm getting Alzheimer's disease."
Doctor says "Don't worry, just forget about the problem."

There was a young man who tragically lost his arm in accident. Because he could no longer do things he enjoyed that required the use of both his hands, such as playing the guitar, he fell into a deep depression. One day he finally decided to just end it all. So he went up on the roof of a tall building, intending to jump to his death. But he was surprised to see that another man was already up there. Even more surprising, this guy had no arms at all, but was dancing around and whistling. The guy with one arm thought, "Gee, here I am with one arm about to commit suicide, but this guy has no arms and all and yet he's dancing and whistling like he's the happiest man on Earth. And there's still a lot of things I can do with just one arm." This brought the one-armed man out of his depression and he decided his life was still worth living, so he walked up to the dancing armless man and says, "Hey, I just want to thank you, you just literally saved my life!", and then he tells the armless guy the whole story. Afterwards the armless man said nothing, but continued to dance around and whistle. The one-armed man asked, "Hey, why exactly are you dancing around, anyway?"
The armless guy tells him, "I'm not dancing, I've got an itchy butt and I can't scratch it!"