What's on your mind right now?

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I want to start reading books again so I can get inspired to write but i've just been so busy. I'm hoping i'll be able to read more often in the summer or until I get a job.

I tried reading since it used to bring me peace but I kept dozing off and my creative energy is practically gone so I can't write anything interesting. Listening to music now hurts me because it reminds me how I failed to ever create any of my own.

Sunday's are kinda boring.

I seriously hope to all the Deities that I get a proper haircut on Wednesday; last time I went to the Barber, the one lady gave me a friggin Bowlcut looking thing :/

looking up on the internet: field sobriety tests. reciting the alphabet backward. standing on one foot for thirty seconds. but nobody has to recite the alphabet backward before getting a driver's license.

toying with the prospect of applying for internships/jobs. summer. part time, full time.

lazy, apathetic

got fired so many times. paranoid it will happen again.

and exhausted too.

on the other hand, feel like going nowhere in "life" . unproductive. wasting time. with entertainment.

it's like everything that i do is wrong






Temeraire

"I actually agree with you.

Too many treat anger like it is an invalid emotion - but we all get angry!

Being told not to get angry or anger is inappropriate is enough to make me angry.

WTF? is exactly what I think.

I like being happy and don't feel comfortable being sad or scared either.

I am probably neutral about anger - it is just there when I feel it.

You can look up some techniques regarding DBT and see if it would fit with you - it is just another behavioural therapy.

You are fine and I quite like your sense of humour "


it gets on my nerves when someone says "you got mad". likewise, "pissed off", "upset.". wrong. no. the word is "angry".

the other thing is, it is not necessarily to label someone/something as "angry". at least, not any more necessary than it is, to label someone/something as "happy".

some precious lil "people" are so entitled, that they truly believe that they have a moral right to get whatever they want (to be "happy") at all times. immediately. spoiled, arrogant, big egoed.

a former precious lil "friend" had the nerve to tell me that she would tell me when i did something she did not "like" and she expected me to stop. immediately, drastically, permamently, cheerfully.

while she was not even willing to stop jaywalking, b/c i did not "like" it. even though jaywalking is illegal.

it's like, wtf?

the precious lil "friend" 's emotions about everything are either: like, neither, dislike. you can't guarantee just the first two.

what if she did not "like" it when i continued living?



ESL and young children, might use the word "mad", "upset", "pissed off" instead of "angry". (fine). that is just their vocabulary.

but the psychotherapist. Masters in English. over sixty years old. she then told me that she avoided using the word "mad" b/c it has a negative connotation "for you".

wrong. for precious lil "people". they use "mad" to imply someone should not have gotten "mad". in the dictionary. "mad" used to mean mentally ill.

seriously in grad school did she learn that "mad" was an emotion?



on the other hand, terminology is only a part of the problem. the word "ret*d" used to be a euphemism. now the word "ret*d" is an insult. maybe thirty years from now, the word "neurodiverse will be an insult. a word is just a group of letters/sounds. the word has no inherent definition. with time, euphemisms and insults change.

my precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me that "autism means selfish". so someone could use the correct word, the wrong way. (fine).

however, usually when someone says "neurotypical" or "cisgender" they really know what they are talking about.



it's like she truly believed she was perfect and that i had to just blindly tolerate anything she did nor said. and failure to do so constituted "you got mad". (the precious lil "friend". former "friend").

yesterday, saw her at Trader Joe's. she did not appear to see me. seriously doubt she has any clue what she did wrong. she just implied that she had the moral authority/entitlement to veto any action or statement that i made, just b/c she did not "like" it. while i could not do vice versa to her. no two way street. no even playing field. what that b***h had the nerve to tell me was totally condescending. not justified.

and worthy of anger.

emotions are: happy, angry, sad, surprised, scared

emotions are not: happy, mad, bad, depressed, sorry

What of pop tarts are the only real intelligent life in the universe?

The Middle Ages

King, queen, knight, page, moat, castle

Sure you will..

hoping that my arthritis will be reduced

what if i'm the only intelligent life in this thread?














jk jk

"you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"

that is the ultimate moral of my "life"

Cost benefit analysis

"Pick your battles"

"There is something wrong with everything"

The history of organized religions, no wonder there is so much chaos.

Maybe enlisting in the military would provide discipline

Lately I have been way too lazy

Executive Processing Dysfunction

Motivation



Do not have hobbies

Loitering, panhandling, internet

Seriously I am just a waste of resources

And I don't contribute anything substantial enough to justify my existence

Everything seems like a waste of energy




What gets on my nerves is that some precious lil "people" act so authentic. They can be themselves and fit in. At the same time.

While I can't do either one





Practice sobriety test


If you can't recite the alphabet backwards, while sober, then you also can't do it when you are drunk



"Life" appears too good to be true




Keep expecting someone to rape me

Something drastic and bad


"As Good As it Gets"

Being to eventually complete a particular project which has been put on hold for a very long time.

Recent several years I have become pretty lazy

No school, no work, no precious lil "friends", no hobbies

Loitering and panhandling

Internet

Long walks, gorging, overeating, counseling, reading

Taking a long time in the bathroom

The longest successful bowel movement took 2 hours 20 minutes

Usually the shortest ones take ten minutes


It appears that there is no point to doing anything


Thus hence, so, lazy

Sloth

Tired

Apathetic

Bored and hate everyone and everything, including myself






Maybe if I join a program it will provide discipline and motivation

But I am 35 and broke financially


What program?

development of a character in a video even though, I don't have a damned PC nor console to play said game.