What's on your mind right now?

Post Reply New Topic

when i try to open a voicemail, the phone says "voicemail won't load".

too lazy to read instruction manual

too academically stupid to figure it out myself

too socially awkward to call customer service

as usual, i am so pathetic.

what's the point of applying for jobs?

some precious lil "people" keep changes on a last minute basis. like you could not arrange an interaction with them, unless you have a phone. with e-mail. and data plan.

some precious lil "people" are totally full of themselves.

supposed to go try checking out a muay thai gym this evening, if they’re open... tried once before, but during an off time according to the schedule posted on their door.

Why do precious lil "people" choose such dramatic terms?

"Important" means "of great value" in the dictionary

"Important" does not mean "of value". Only so many things could be "important". Because every day contains 24 hours and about 2000 calories. You have limited resources

"Distress" means "great pain", not just "pain"

The current counselor (and almost everyone that I have ever interacted with) acts like everything is either completely good or bad


Besides, everything is pleasure, neither, or pain. You can't guarantee just the first two

Pointing out (or exaggerating) "distress" does not make it go away





Why do precious lil "people" ask "how are you doing?". When the one socially acceptable answer is "good"? There are five emotions and only one of them is "happy".

The former aikido instructor asked me, on separate days, "how are you doing?"


So I answered

"Fat"
"Academically stupid"
"Disturbed"
"Hateful"


And today I answered "unmedicated"






Lately my "life" appears too good to be true .


Sooner or later something really bad will occur


And I will react slowly wrongly and etcetera

it was nice... will probably pop back into the old dojo and see if they got the new patch in to sew on the white gi inquired about maybe three months ago. they seemed to have instruction on how to teach, which is closer to true ambition. from some time there, maybe clarity will return from escaping the isolation of this secluded spot, and college given another go... as originally planned.

On Monday after class, a classmate offered the instructor and me muffins. Instructor ate two. In front of me. Crumbs fell out of his mouth. He said they were "delicious". And I declined. Felt deprived. But I get fat, lose energy, get constipated so easily

Felt jealous and resentful and hateful

But whatever

Feel like gorging

Every day is like this

Have to figure out something that works for me







Even seeing the former aikido instructor in his work clothes made me feel guilty for not working

Looked online for jobs

Internships

But, so many jobs I do not qualify for. Too far away. And etc


The former aikido instructor is a structural engineer

And I am jealous

Because I flunked Structural engineering. Fourth year. That was just undergrad. He got a master's degree.

But whatever. Even if I were to have gotten the degree, my life would not necessarily have been like his

He is neurotypical, cisgender, white man, and etc. He appears to be Type B and extroverted. Not the engineering stereotype

So no matter what degree I go my demeanor personality won't change anyways




Feel like I have to get discipline from outside sources

Boot camp


Lazy

Pursuing a career that is not favored towards someone with an IQ of 70

Dept of Rehab diagnosed me with six out of ten personality disorders

The personality disorders and autism diagnosis make it hard to interact with precious lil "people"

So they don't like me

And I don't like them

But that is not really seones fault

It just happens to be



But personality seems so personal. like if someone is bad at math, that doesn't make them look like a bad or weak person

But some precious lil "people" act like you have, or should have, control over your personality



Precious lil "people" act so morally innocent and self important

They get ony nerves

Pruning the grapevine.

Many thingz.

Sometimes, I think about prehistory and think of all that has been eternally lost to time.

Some prehistoric fish may have been strongly electric, but this is hard to determine from fossils. Some of them may have been colorful, or even transparent, but all of this has been lost, as we have only bones to work with.

Still, I'm very glad that paleo artists can resurrect these creatures in living color for us all to see.



Whoever made this dazzling picture of Stensioella deserves a trophy.

Cathy Lynn

The Department of Rehab counselor gave me a piece of paper and told me to sign.

Under the piece of paper, was the diagnostic report. The report contained the list of six personality disorders.

So I asked the counselor if I could have a photocopy

Counselor told me "no". Counselor said that she didn't mean to give me the report. Counselor told me to give it back to her.


But there were six of them


That was ten years ago


Obsessive compulsive disorder

Paranoid personality disorders

Avoidance personality disorders

Three more

Getting all of my wisdom teeth removed on June 19. I'm so scared.

On Saturday I saw a former precious lil "friend" at trader Joe's with her fiance

She looked so happy

Almost every time I see her she is with someone

Granted there is nothing great about me but

What is so great about her?

Seriously sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me

But there is something wrong with everything





Fantasizing about what I could have achieved if cisgender, neurotypical and etc

Feel so ashamed and guilty





Dead end




Nutrition deficiency


If there is a solution, the solution is not happening

For example, the landlord told me I left the stove on

And I did not touch the stove

He threatened to evict me

Either eviction or hire a forensic scientist to dust for fingerprints

Both cost a lot of cash

Even if the forensic scientist came, that doesn't prevent the landlord from making the next wrongful accusation





Group home

Homeless

Financial reparations

Master's degree

Double standards




Obsessive compulsive disorder versus boredom

Fun versus adrenal fatigue

The older I get the more I hate myself and everyone else. Almost




I am good at nothing

I enjoy almost nothing




Galaxy

Planet

Motivation

Grudges

Commission

Salary

Bias

Cactus

Holiday

Gorging

Overeat

Peer pressure

Unfilled





Restraining order

No hope

No future




Tunnel

Maze