What's on your mind right now?

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I can't believe how much I've changed in the past 4 years. I think I've done more changing in the past two and a half years, than I did during the years before that.

never say never, again.

i picked her up and listened to her life
and every word was stained with strife

in her eyes i could see it all
just how close she was to downfall

who are those who pushed her there
and why
if she could fly
away

she would be a bird today.

vwohie harzaie, pierce the sky
your grass is lush but your fountains dry
can you feel the hinne hindsight link?
cause you sure as hell don't when your king's ships sink

nineteen seventy, finished with the devils
out with the royals, in with the rebels
they trashed your rooms and made a mockery of you
then went down to drayn's, did the same there too

then manon moved in, with guitars and all
that skinny little bringer of the world's downfall
slash of her sword makes the whole world stand still
if selaessie saw it, it would make her ill

vwohie harzaie, pierce the sky
your grass is lush but your fountains dry
can you feel the hinne hindsight link?
you probably can, your country's on the brink

There's nothing to do all day long

Loitering and panhandling

No school, no job, no precious lil "friends", no "family"

No hope, no future

When I apply for jobs I get stressed and strained and pressured. And emotionally overeat







April r

My problem is emotional overeating

Usually I do not eat rice, noodles. And I don't drink coffee. About one to two servings soy milk a week.

Sugar I am addicted to. Kit Kat, Reese's, twix. Giving up the addiction. Or reducing could benefit a lot. But, obsessive compulsive disorder

Eggs and meat, hardly ever eat. Do not usually cook


salad, too lazy to make. Sometimes eat from salad bar

^ I think your problem is sugar addiction. If you can at least reduce it, your mood can improve a lot. I'm also an emotional eater so i understand, but this is very much like smoking. Sugar is almost as addictive as nicotine. Eating healthy is hard but it really does make you feel better.

Wondering if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like - living with my parents and unable to contribute anything back for all they're doing for me, in and out of hospitals for suicidal thoughts and self-harm, with nothing helping... and if so, what's the point in continuing to live?

They are not asking for anything in return. They're doing it, because they love you. The point of continuing this is to get through to the beautiful things after years and years of constant negativity. Trust me, i have been there too, and i am, even now, nowhere near where i would like to be, but i already see beauty in things that i have ignored before. The first step would be to stop thinking about the point of living and start trying to find beauty. It is absolutely hard, but worth it.

For me it started getting a lot better when i chose to leave my country of origin behind and established a new one. This life as an immigrant forced me to find myself and get to know myself a lot better.

Maybe a change of scenery would help you?

I know they're not asking for anything in return, but I still feel guilty and like a parasite. I've been dealing with depression of varying levels for over a decade, and I've long since stopped being able to find much joy in life. Not sure how I'd manage much of a change of scenery if I can't live on my own. I was thinking someday I'd at least get my own apartment and a job to pay for it, but it's starting to look more and more like I'll never reach that level of independence Absolutely nothing has been helping with the self-harm, at least. But thank you for trying to help, the sentiment is appreciated.

^Lots of kitty hugs for you, dragon.

I am myself dealing with a lot of comorbidities of ASD, including bipolar 2 and severe anxiety. I have had my fair share of hopelessness in my life, believe me. I had times when self-harm sounded like the only solution to make this feeling disappear.

I never want to go back there. I am not going to lie, the process to get beyond this is terrifying and tough to master. But it is possible and despite all the naysayers on this planet a good feeling once you have achieved it.

Positivity is hard to acquire. Don't give up just yet! It is actually worth it!

If there is something you need help with, drop me a PM! You're not obligated to do this, of course, it is just an offer.

What if you put living independently on the "back burner". I had to do that myself and trying to get a job. Dealing with a lot of anxiety and not coping with traffic noise I realized that I couldn't get a job and have those issues. traffic noise can ruin my whole day and make me not want to do nothing or go anywhere, thing is I can't be that unreliable and keep a job.

Have you ever talked to your therapist about feeling guilty living with your parents and feeling like a parasite?

Want the former aikido instructor to add me on Facebook

None of the internships that I applied for, responded

Applying for internships makes me want to gorge

Everything makes me want to gorge

The former aikido instructor asked the current aikido instructor if he wanted someone to teach Wednesday morning

But it doesn't matter who's teaching, because tuition costs 105 bucks a month and there is no way I can or will panhandle all that $$$


Besides the head instructor is like a drill sergeant

One time she saw me leaving right before bow out. From someone else's class. She had the nerve to tell me "you should do the four claps". It's like stfu



Suits mandatory

Superficial

Monday through Thursday lessons are allegedly often over 20 rodents often

Way too crowded

Every communication has to end with the word "sensei"

For example, "hai sensei"

Control freak

She has a big egoes and she is annoying

But there are other dojos

Just farther

Ghetto precious lil "people" try to sell me drugs or buy them from me

I've had some people tell me I needed to wait until I was 30 to have a relationship and it offended me since they were essentially calling me immature. I am turning 30 this August and I wasn't able to prove these people wrong. I don't even want to live to see 30.

I am sorry if i offend some of the people you know, but do you really think they are worth it, if something like this comes out of their mouths? I hardly think so. I know, it is easier said than done, but don't worry about what these people say. Their words should not matter, at all.

And, btw, the 30s are actually a pretty good time to be around. Two years in and i have achieved more than i have ever before.
You won't see it that way now, but eventually it is all going to get a lot easier.

Just see the idiocy that humanity is, see how unimportant we are as a species and then look at the things that make your own life worth it. But don't judge yourself based on some people who are trapped in the mediocrity of their own lives and just want to make people feel miserable. They tell you things like this, because they might already be in a relationship/marriage and some of them might even envy you for still having the freedom of doing what you want to do without having to consider another person in your life.

Trust me, a relationship is not simple and beautiful all the time. It is hard work that needs readjustment basically all the time. You will have fights, a lot of them, but when you make up it is so much better. You will have the most wonderful relationship, if you are able to fight for what you desire.

Don't pressure yourself into this. Take your time and wait for someone who is worth it and don't get yourself into a relationship for the sake of not being alone. If that happens one of the parties will definitely get hurt emotionally.

Today someone had the nerve to make fun of the way I walked

Imitate

Caricature

Riffraff

Ghetto