dragonsanddemons
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Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
05 Jun 2018, 7:01 pm
Thank you
Big dragon hugs back to you.
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
05 Jun 2018, 7:14 pm
They are not asking for anything in return. They're doing it, because they love you. The point of continuing this is to get through to the beautiful things after years and years of constant negativity. Trust me, i have been there too, and i am, even now, nowhere near where i would like to be, but i already see beauty in things that i have ignored before. The first step would be to stop thinking about the point of living and start trying to find beauty. It is absolutely hard, but worth it.
For me it started getting a lot better when i chose to leave my country of origin behind and established a new one. This life as an immigrant forced me to find myself and get to know myself a lot better.
Maybe a change of scenery would help you?
I know they're not asking for anything in return, but I still feel guilty and like a parasite. I've been dealing with depression of varying levels for over a decade, and I've long since stopped being able to find much joy in life. Not sure how I'd manage much of a change of scenery if I can't live on my own. I was thinking someday I'd at least get my own apartment and a job to pay for it, but it's starting to look more and more like I'll never reach that level of independence
Absolutely nothing has been helping with the self-harm, at least. But thank you for trying to help, the sentiment is appreciated.I am myself dealing with a lot of comorbidities of ASD, including bipolar 2 and severe anxiety. I have had my fair share of hopelessness in my life, believe me. I had times when self-harm sounded like the only solution to make this feeling disappear.
I never want to go back there. I am not going to lie, the process to get beyond this is terrifying and tough to master. But it is possible and despite all the naysayers on this planet a good feeling once you have achieved it.
Positivity is hard to acquire. Don't give up just yet! It is actually worth it!
If there is something you need help with, drop me a PM! You're not obligated to do this, of course, it is just an offer.
Big dragon hugs. I wouldn't wish the kind of stuff I'm dealing with on anyone, I'm so sorry you've gone through similarly hard times. I've been really, truly trying to find a better coping mechanism, but self-harm is the only thing I've found that really, truly works - everything else is only temporary, and the release of making myself bleed does make me feel better for longer. Even substitutes don't work - it's really the blood I'm after, not the pain, and I think part of what makes it feel so good somehow is knowing that it's my blood. I also have only recently realized that I may never be able to live on my own, so am still in the very beginning stages of coming to terms with that - up until a couple weeks ago, I'd always assumed it was a given that at some point, I would. And that was the only thing that kept me going sometimes - the idea of one day, hopefully not to horribly far into the future, not being a burden on anyone but myself, so as long as I was content enough, everything would be fine and I wouldn't need to worry about being a burden/parasite. So now I have to learn to accept that that may never be the case.
dragonsanddemons
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
05 Jun 2018, 7:19 pm
Absolutely nothing has been helping with the self-harm, at least. But thank you for trying to help, the sentiment is appreciated.What if you put living independently on the "back burner". I had to do that myself and trying to get a job. Dealing with a lot of anxiety and not coping with traffic noise I realized that I couldn't get a job and have those issues. traffic noise can ruin my whole day and make me not want to do nothing or go anywhere, thing is I can't be that unreliable and keep a job.
Have you ever talked to your therapist about feeling guilty living with your parents and feeling like a parasite?
Yeah, that's what I'm going to have to do - I have to get my life back into some semblance of order and at least get to the point where I can take proper care of myself and my dog on my own before even considering adding a job on to that, and would probably need to have a job before considering living on my own. It's just been such a key thing to me that one day hopefully not too far away I'd be living on my own that it's devastating to realize I may never achieve that. I have mentioned feeling like a burden/parasite and feeling like I have nothing to contribute in return, but I haven't had a chance to speak with my therapist since realizing that I may never be able to live independently. He's working at a summer camp starting tomorrow, so I won't get to talk to him for another week or two.
05 Jun 2018, 8:29 pm
05 Jun 2018, 9:32 pm
06 Jun 2018, 12:38 am
Dylanperr
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Joined: 1 Jan 2018
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,756
Location: Somewhere In A Boreal Forest
06 Jun 2018, 1:08 am
07 Jun 2018, 7:06 am
It appears that, the point of posting, is to get thoughts out of someone's head. Share emotions and ideas
I keep a journal. Sometimes it relieves a little anxiety, but nobody answers
Likewise I ain't got nobody to talk to offline, just counselors
Having said that,
what is the point of living 
There could be no point. There could be a point, but not a justified, good, or significant point
What is the point of doing anything?
07 Jun 2018, 10:25 am
Parents’ dog hit by neighbor & died yesterday.
07 Jun 2018, 1:29 pm
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that.
07 Jun 2018, 2:29 pm
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you
We’re in mourning.
07 Jun 2018, 3:12 pm
My whole "life" feels like "there's a hole in the bucket" (song)
Not enough resources to get from here to there
Resources:
Time
Cash
Intelligent
Metabolism
Precious lil "friends"
Potential
Theory of multiple intelligences
Dewey decimal system
Next counseling session, I bring in a dictionary
The counselor keeps misusing the word "mad", "angry", "upset" "important", "distress", "care", "help", "hurt"
The counselor uses the most frequently used wrong definition
"Distress" means "extreme pain". in the dictionary .
She had the nerve to tell me, that "mad" has a negative connotation for you
Wrong.
Not "for you".
In the dictionary
She is not doing me a favor by saying "angry" instead of "mad"
Likewise. You would not expect a professional counselor to say the word "crazy" instead of 
bipolar 
or schizophrenia 
Someone invited me for an internship interview. Unpaid
Too lazy
Unmotivated
07 Jun 2018, 4:46 pm
I am sorry to read this!
07 Jun 2018, 11:53 pm
Only ate the regular days menu
But feel bloated
Metabolism plummeting
Uchi deshi. Aikido. Cooking, cleaning, teaching. Live in dojo. Take lessons.
Seriously I don't like aikido that much
Just want one or two lessons per week
Aikido is physically dangerous, socially awkward, financially expensive.
And the head instructor is a control freak
any punishment for not saying yes ma'am,"?
Hate wearing a uniform
The current instructor doesn't require a uniform
The head instructor does
Aikido lessons cost 105 bucks a month
Too stupid to earn that much at work
Too socially awkward to get friends to pay for me
Too ugly to get married
Won't win lottery
Not materialistic
On Tuesday, got an interview. Unpaid internship.
08 Jun 2018, 4:44 am
08 Jun 2018, 9:22 am
I am sorry to read this!
Thank you Mr. Robot.
