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Deanna Lund RIP (Land of Giants , Batman '66)

Harlan Ellison RIP (sci fi author)

Travelled a long way to Stuttgart, sadly Norris cancelled

Releasing the Kracken!

I think the Hippie Movement first started in Early 1964 when Dave Davies stepped onto stage with the rest of The Kinks with his long, shoulder-length hair.

Precious lil "people" act like every time they have a thought or emotion, it is the latest greatest scientific invention

High positive social energy

Chuckling every couple of sentences

Even when they are not laughing at me it is annoying

When they are laughing at me it is annoying

It's not that I don't want "friends", but the ones I have had were arrogant, judgmental and annoying

Yesterday was a holiday. So felt more left out than usual

But every day is a holiday somewhere in the world

Fourth of July is just one day

Sunny and warm

No problem

From 12/24 to 1/2 is a drag

Cold temperature, raining

A lot of things closed

Holiday music











Cathy lynn

A couple of years ago, the instructor did unbendable arm and unliftable body

At that time I did unbendable arm

But that was once out of 450 lessons



The current instructor said that in two weeks he is moving to a different state. The head instructor charges 105 bucks a month and I can't panhandle that much.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that aikido cannot be a priority

Besides, at this point, I have already given aikido a more than a fair chance

And I am bad at it

Aikido is financially expensive, socially awkward, dangerous. Transportation after the night lessons involve waiting for the bus for over half hour.

The head instructor is so arrogant . It's "my way or the highway".








On the other hand I am not good at anything and every day has 24 hours and (about) 2000 calories and you have to do something

The word 'HOT' has just sprung to mind, but there's really no point in ranting on about it.

Galina Brezhneva

Group therapy meetings are really not good things for me. Hearing everyone else say where they're at, I can't help but compare myself to them, and with most of them talking about jobs, making the transition to living independently, and related things, while I'm still coming to terms with the fact that it's entirely possible none of that will ever happen for me (a realization I made after my most recent hospital visit), leaves me feeling pretty down, and I come home feeling very inadequate and wanting to hurt myself. And that's the one with more people, where the focus isn't so much on me personally - in the other one I've been to a few times, the most people there have been in the group is three including me, and the other people in the group and the instructor all flat-out tell me I'm just not trying hard enough or putting forth enough effort, that yes I can do things if I really want to. Gosh, I am so dang tired of hearing that all the smegging time. Do people think I want to sit around all day doing nothing but leeching off my parents? Do they think that's the plan I ever had for my life? Do they think I want to be in and out of hospitals for mental health issues? Do they think I want to need help from my parents to even do something as simple as ordering food at a restaurant? Because I don't want any of that. I want to just be a normal person like everyone else, and if it really were as simple as just doing things I don't want to do, I'd suck it up and deal. Gosh, it's just so dang frustrating to keep getting this every time I go looking for help - even my own family (particularly my dad) has flat-out said some of this to me.

The Japanese Sarin terrorist has just been executed. A bit surprised they actually have the death penalty over there, but not sure why. How come it took them 23 years to get around to doing this anyway?

Yesterday and today, right ankle felt stiff and sore

Visually ankle looks fine

When walking, especially when right side of the sidewalk is higher (elevation) than left side, right ankle hrrts somewhat

No known injuries

Overuse

Walked 85 miles last week

Started a new pair of shoes last Friday

Boots

If ignore it, could cause more expensive injuries

But do not want to be hypochrondriac

Ankle a bit stiff

So what?

Even a podiatrist might not know what to do. Or might ignore me. A podiatrist might correctly or wrongly tell me that the alleged symptoms are not large enough to justify a podiatrist appointment

Medical bills expensive

35 years old. Not young anymore

Walking boot, crutches

See stranger's with walking boots a lot




Splitting fine hairs




Nothing to do all day long and the like a public nuisance




Ate "joong". Glutinous rice balls. With egg and lentils. Amazing.

Before eating, not hungry. Once started eating, felt like wild animal .


Gorging

Devouring

Out of control





Could stay at "home" all day long, but do what?

Play computer

Internet addiction

Especially in summer

Outside time

Vitamin D from sunlight




Do not feel like doing anything all day long

Have felt this way since around age 21 after flunking structural engineering




Age 35 now

If I can't be at least a Civil Engineer, do not want a job


If I can't have precious lil "friends", then do not want.....






Achilles tendon tis

Plantar fasciitis

Shin splints

Walking boot

Crutches



Edward Snowden

Civilian

Stop losses

Mandatory promotion time

Army and navy academy

Hours

Sent to military school


"Military School? Me?". a book by Stephen Wilmer. 15 year old boy does bad grades and gets in trouble. His parents send him to military school. He goes to college and majors in Spanish


Whooptie do





Humanities

Language

Is there a sub-forum for Germans? I kinda want to lurk and try to read posts in German.

It isn't swamp-ass hot outside this morning.

This has been a very socially-demanding weekend.

Hoping to acquire a passing grade on my examination then, move onto get a career with knowledge tied into my certification.

mentally lazy.

right ankle a bit painful while walking.

paranoid about stress fractures. some articles claim that trying to walk through a stress fracture sometimes causes a complete fracture.

mri's, bone scans, podiatrist visits, walking boots, crutches. cost $$$$$.

and then it will take even longer to get back to quasinormal.

oh well. now i feel ashamed and stupid. what was i expecting? to walk over 85 miles a week? at age 35 years? and still perfect health? asymptomatic. of course not.

everyone gets diseases and injuries. everyone drops dead.

35 is not young. furthermore i am already postmenopausal.

have to put more attention on eating correctly. calcium and Vitamin d especially.

a lot of nutritious foods are too $$. furthermore, i am obsessed with weight.

but, there is something wrong with everything. something has to take priority.

maybe i have to stop walking altogether. nothing to do all day long. loitering and panhandling.

nobody will hire me. applied to a wide variety of jobs. no precious lil "friends".

no goals, purpose or meaning. nothing left to do in "life".

brain weak, tired, stupid, slow, lazy.

considered telling someone about the ankle. but only one person on facebook ever answers my messages. and that's the aikido instructor. if i tell him about the ankle, he might tell me to get a doctor's letter before i come back. so. "loose lips sink ships".





every day is the same.

can't tell counselor this. she will just tell me to go to the doctor. (which is good advice). and she will blow it out of proportion. way too dramatic.

bored and tired of myself.

what i hate about myself is, despite all the energy, time money wasted trying to become a child prodigy, i am just as incompetent as the ghetto riffraff idiots on the bus and panhandling on the street. and i am just as vocationally useless as they are. i am so ashamed of myself.

if i can't be at least a Civil Engineer, then i do not want to work.

there is nothing left to hope for.

graceful degradation.

hope to continue to be treated as invisible and ignored. as usual.

push the "pause" button. "life" is "As Good As it Gets". it can't and won't get better. it can and will only get worse.



it gets on my nerves how so few things come naturally to me. and it makes me jealous and hateful of how some precious lil "people" act effortlessly adept at so many different things.

Will I ever be independent? Sometimes I'm just not sure...