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How much is too much of a lifelong obsession?

Thinking of how to be more prolific here on WrongPlanet

Ah, the weekend, the time for my family members, who all have jobs, to get stuff done at home, reminding me even more than usual how useless I am, if they can do things like mowing the lawn (which I can't due to noise issues), working outside all day, and getting chores done inside, when they've been working all week, and all I'm doing is sitting around playing games on my iPad when I haven't done anything more productive than that all week, really. What's the point of continuing to live if that's all I'll ever amount to? I can't even think of any little things I can do to help out just to make me feel less useless, if nothing else, because my family's got it all covered

the previous supervisor told me that "the women (or "woman") said you were learning too slowly".

the current counselor told me that the ideal job for you is one where you do not have to quickly learn a lot of hard things . (paraphrasing, not quotation).

not necessarily.

just b/c the supervisor told me that the "women" (or "woman") said i was learning too slowly, does not mean that the women said that i was learning too slowly. the supervisor could have been exaggerating, mistaken, misunderstanding, speaking figuretively, or making a white lie . (maybe the correct reason the supervisor had the nerve to fire my worthless corpse, was b/c she was homophobic. but she could not have told me that, without violating EEOC.)

then the counselor asked if the supervisor said "women" or "woman". the counselor pronounced the words differently. whatever happened to "you say tomato (long "a"), i say tomato (short "a")".



even if it was "women" plural, that was just two. there were three trainers. (one man). so, one out of three, or two out of three trainers allegedly told the supervisor i was "learning too slowly".

but that was just Wespac software. only Wespac company uses that software. yes, there is pattern recognition. however, to say that my ideal job is one where i do not have to learn a lot of things . whoosh.

globalization


overgeneralization

at that time (those three days), in that method (Wespac software), according to one or two women, i was learning too slowly.

nobody measured the rate that i learned. (odometer measured twenty miles per hour, in a sixty five mile per hour zone).

nobody else was getting trained that that time next to me. (no standard of reference).

even different trainers teach differently. not everyone learns in the same method, at the same rate.

the trainers could have been bad at training. there is no guarantee that their expectations or demands were justified.




having said that, those women (one or two) were not the first two to have the nerve to tell me that i was "learning too slowly".

more than one instructor had the nerve to tell me "you are not paying attention!". or the equivalent

anyways, the instructors assumed that everyone that paid attention gave a certain result. but (1) the instruction was not necessarily perfect (2) effort is not always proportional to outcome.

besides, it is not just, yes or no : paying attention.

paying attention is like a continuum. gradient. spectrum

paying undivided attention

versus driving a car while talking on the phone

multi tasking





paying undivided attention is not always a good thing. for example, in one class, the water started boiling. if everyone was paying undivided attention, nobody would have turned the stove off.

but of course, there was no practical method to show to the instructors, that i was "paying attention". short of an MRI.

MRIs cost a lot of $$.

besides even if i were to have gotten an MRI, then what?

that does not prevent the instructor from the next wrongful accusation





some instructors said that i learned "quickly".

the speed of working is just: at that time, at that activity, according to that instructor.

even when Olympic boxers get Parkinson's disease, they are no longer moving as "quickly" as they used to.




homophobia spectrum

the current counselor acts like just b/c someone is homophobic (someone told me it was "lying" for me to ask him to call me "he" instead of "she". san diego, 2006), someone is morally as bad as everyone else that is homophobic.

no


someone homophobic that murders gays, is worse than someone homophobic that rapes gays, is worse than someone homophobic that says "fa***t", is worse than someone homophobic that laughs at someone that is gay.

it just does not seem fair, to hold someone in 2006, up to the standards of 2012 Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. the homophobic speaker was not psychic. and neither am i.

besides, what if he was psychic, then what? what kind of authority did he have?

just peer pressure. yes, i practically worshiped him. but he could not have written laws, written prescriptions, or anything like that.

the counselor told me "you tried to explain it". (correct).

however, i also "tried" to explain to the counselor that "mad" does not have the same dictionary definition as "angry".

and she still did not get it.

so what?




anyways as usual, i feel like gorging.

appetite gone haywire.

"and Resignation was her crony,
Sweetness was her favorite aunt
and Jealousy her sibling".

anthology poetry

If I want a written life guide that is intended to autistic readers, there are things to consider...


-Little to no context about anxiety issues. So no "perfectionism", "comfort zones", or in need for (psychological/emotional) "assurance" for sake of "confidence". I don't need more confidence to be initiative, assertive, or decisive. I need something else; something more solid than willpower and idea.
+Yes if it's something to do with confusion. Like about auditory verbal memory and working memory, and causing confusion because of that. I'd likely need (intellectual) "assurance" that I didn't mishear or misremember things. Or look like a total fool simply because I missed the context.

-I can recover from blunders and take failure, and not break down. I don't have "trauma" so to speak. Not even as a child. But that doesn't mean I have no sense of fear or safety. Nor am some fearless fool who don't consider the odds and facts, and every consequences that could happen. No, I don't 'forget' what incompetence of an action I did, nor am immune to it. And no, I don't cower from consequences and I'd pay for it.
+What I need is the wisdom to take and know "timing". When is my best, when is my worse, when is appropriate, when is not, etc.. And what makes a motivation for success -- I mean success for reward, not avoidance of punishment as a reward.

-I didn't grew up from the west or the north. And my current culture within Asian cultures is the odd out one. Certain social stories may not work out well.
+I'm not only an autistic adult female, I'm also a low-mid class Tagalog-Filipino who isn't from any major regions like the capital (where contexts are different too).

-As someone coming from where I live, I don't need emotional support myself. I already had enough acceptance from everyone and to myself. Oh, and no professional help. My household can't afford that. (And I'm sure any Filipino whose same 'class' as I'm will have the same complaint: "I can't afford it")
+I'd rather look for improvised exercises for executive functioning that fits in the context. Or look for a budget meal that doesn't make "symptoms" worse.
(Always EF. Mostly EF. It's usually the fricking EF.)

-No issues on "sensitivity". I don't have a narrow comfort zone either.
+I want lessons and work arounds with lack of filters. How to deal with sensory encumbrance and avoid getting confused by being overwhelmed. I want to learn how and when to press "break", not to have a stop stone and signs on every corner and go there simply because I have no control of "breaks".

-I'm not alexithymiac. I'm pretty much the near opposite of NVLD profile. I don't have prosognosia.
+My issues are about naming, terms. Not necessary vocabulary, but something else entirely and perhaps more something to do with working memory and translations of nonverbal terms to verbal terms. So yes, some usual guides on communication and language might work out for me, except "faster" and more geared in Tagalog language.

-I don't talk about my special interest. Nor it intrudes to the point it's someone else's problem. My current special interests aren't my 'problems' either.
+I'd rather want to learn about business in a way I could understand it.


Shrunk because, well, long. And may not make sense.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Climate Change, like seriously it need to be adressed 54 Canadians dead in a 'heat wave' WTF? Like we can see literal evidence right now and people still want to deny it? People are dying because of it...and what it 'doesn't exist' that is a bunch of f*****g BS, everyone can see it already.

I picture a bunny jumping up and down on grass like a cartoon or children's book.

Job woes and whether i should at least tell my mom about aspergers if i get fired again.