What's on your mind right now?

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I feel like I'm never going to see the girl I love ever again.

while i was at Human Resources getting a replacement ID card today, the woman that e-mailed me the internship offer saw me and she asked me, what tasks they made me do at the internship. answered: sort nuts and bolts, move boxes. she looked disgusted. when i answered, i tried to not look dramatic. not emotional. she said i was supposed to do spreadsheets. then later she e-mailed me and wanted to set up a meeting with me 9:30am tomorrow. she e-mailed me that 3pm today. when i clicked on the link, it said 4:30pm tomorrow. which is two and a half hours after work. way too late. so i proposed friday. it gets on my nerves. she doesn't even work in the same building as me. she might have the authority to fire me. made redundant. canned. sacked. (rolls eyes).

the boss's boss just got back from vacation yesterday. (3rd week of internship). since then, i have been moving boxes and furniture. sorting nuts and bolts. unskilled labor. it doesn't matter much to me what i do. (and i do not love computers that much. and i am not great at Excel either. nor do i really want to do that.) but seriously, it's like grunt work. internships are legally supposed to be training, not just free labor.

every day, including today, feel like gorging. feel bloated. drank broth (chicken, corn, tomatoes, onions, carrots). delicious.

my boss's job description says, high school diploma. Materials Expeditor. 3 years work experience as a clerk. that's it. and lift 120 pounds. so what, i can't lift 120 pounds? that's an athletic skill, not an academic skill. so wtf ever. it's in the Maintenance Engineering department, but strongly doubt the building contains any EITs or Mechanical Engineers. a bunch of high school graduates that lift 120 pounds and have drivers licenses.

otherwise they look nice thus far. but maybe they will get angry at me, b/c maybe they will think i went to gossip or tattle on them, to Human Resources woman. (but the HR woman approached me, not vice versa. and i just answered questions.)

but what are they gonna do, fire me? if they do that's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me. if they don't that's not the best thing that ever happened to me.

lately i have been trying to wake up before 5am to go to work. walk halfway to work and take the bus the rest of the way. after (or during) work, exhausted. want to change work hours. slide them back one hour. boss might not want me to do that.

way too many precious lil "people" have been calling me "they" lately. they did not act homophobic. all of a sudden i do not "look like a boy" and i look like a "they". "they" used to mean two or more, but there is only one of me.



they don't know i have an AA, much less a BA.

yesterday the boss's boss asked me "what do you wanna be when you grow up?". she acted all nice.







how old do i look? thirty five. (35). yes i know, some of the interns are 15. but put on glasses, will you?

it is too late to sit around fantasizing about what you wanna be when you grow up.

This morning on the bus, this one woman (probably in her 30s I'm guessing) on a walker that had a seat on it insisted that she had her walker strapped in so she could sit on that instead of the normal side seats which offer plenty of room for both her and her walker. This mean that the driver had to take about 3 minutes of work by lifting up the normal seating to give space for what would normally be a wheelchair, and attach a few straps to keep the walker in place while the bus is in motion. A block or so later, the lady got off, so the driver again had to take a bit of time to unhook her and let her off. Right after she exited, the other passengers exchanged glances, presumably in disbelief of the ridiculousness of it all, with one man even shaking his head.

I wonder what would have happened if they had made Rose Tyler: Earth Defence. It was going to have both Rose and Gwen in it and they are two of my favorite characters ever and my "babies". Maybe I need to write some fanfiction.

.. I'm losing tolerance on wearing bras.


Intolerant enough that I start twitching in discomfort. And a few thought I'm developing a tic because even my 'subconscious' is 'annoyed' and can't help but move whatever's around my body.

But not intolerant enough to take it off and throw it out of the window on a raging fit. Not yet anyway. Hopefully not.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Men should wear jock straps which strap over their shoulders, to know how it feels. Oh, and load those jocks with heavy rocks for that extra pressure. Don't forget the underwire and lace.

I'm thinking about my tinnitus.

Why can they put a person on the moon but they can't stop tinnitus?

I was thinking I was perhaps "regressing" somehow, mentally and physically, but then it occurred to me that maybe everything is due to the ECT I've been getting, since none of it started before I was getting that. I know the memory issues I've been having are a common side effect, but then I've also been having more trouble with dexterity and balance, getting my mouth/tongue to form words properly, keeping food in my mouth, and holding urine until I can get to the bathroom. I kind of wonder if the ECT might have caused some sort of minor brain damage or something.

I'm about to read the bio of Mary Shelley and I can't wait, although I'm a little concerned because I know she will become a new obsession. I'm not sure if I have sufficient brain-space for a new obsession!

Thanks, I hope so!

on my mind: I'm savouring the magnificence of my pillow against the back of my head. I really do love my pillows.

In the bad old days, some parents used to punish their children by giving them castor oil, but doctors don't recommend this. If the kid is sick and really does need medicine, they might see it as a punishment just for being ill.

Castor oil was also used as a form of torture to adults by Italian dictator Mussolini. People would be forced to swallow large amounts of the stuff. The laxative effect of the oil not only made some people badly dehydrated and made it harder to recover from the beatings afterwards, but having their bowels go berserk would have been humiliating.
Amazing how creative humans are when comes to inflicting pain and suffering on others. It's all just part of their evil nature.