What's on your mind right now?

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I'm simply thinking of starting to read some fiction books, something that I've not done in quite some time

Read Wuthering Heights! !!

"A fiend of a book – an incredible monster [...] The action is laid in hell"

"How a human being could have attempted such a book as the present without committing suicide before he had finished a dozen chapters, is a mystery. It is a compound of vulgar depravity and unnatural horrors."

No matter how much you read "Wuthering Heights," the Heights will never wither.

It's like hair that grows out, rather than up and down.

Do deaf / mute people think in words or sensations?

I highly recommend Wuthering Heights. Go for it.

Yes, I'd echo that. This is your time: thou art the man.

+1

Human Resources told me my internship ended today. It was scheduled for three more weeks.

She told me that: the boss' boss said I did not communicate well enough. But we only had three brief conversations. The boss' boss allegedly said I was not aware of surroundings and she was worrried I might get injured on maintenance Engineering equipment. The only equipment that they told me to use, thus far, was the hole puncher, photocopier, dolly. Nobody measured my awareness of surroundings.

The boss' boss allegedly said that the maintenance Engineering department did not have enough time to train an intern.

The past three weeks, they make me move boxes. Fold clothes. Photocopy. Sort nuts and bolts. And I did. Nobody told me I worked too badly or slowly.



The HR made it sound like I was curt , but maybe the three women were just gossipping too much and too loudly. The boss' boss talked about politics and weight loss. (Not related to Maintenance Engineering)


So as usual I am ashamed of myself.

They looked nice. But they gossipped about me.





The boss is a high school graduate. Her boss is a high school graduate. The Human resources woman was a community college graduate. And I got a Bachelor's.


Unpaid internship.

Wtf?

This is not "termination", Human Resources told me.

It is just "internship ended early".

But HR acted so sad and sympathetic and dramatic. She acted like I was made redundant.

Feel like talking to someone, but nobody to talk to.

Whatever

Oh well



They pretty much say the same thing every time:

"sorry", "how does that make you feel?". "Are you ok". "what". "Huh". "Unfortunate"
.


Almost all counselors that I have gone to were way too theatrical






By the way, I disclosed autism diagnosis and clinical depression in writing. On the form they gave me.








Furthermore someone has had the nerve to fire me numerous times.

But still feel rejected

Now I don't belong nowhere

Do not feel like applying for other jobs

Entitled judgmental windbags keep firing me

Loitering and panhandling



Got bored of myself a long time ago



No job, no precious lil "friends"


Nothing to do all day long

I've noticed for some time now that a lot of people don't mind video games where you go around killing people, but if you kill or harm an animal in the game they're all like NOOOOOOOOOOO!! They don't even seem to be on the spectrum, they just hate seeing animals being attacked, even a big vicious dinosaur that's trying to rip the player apart.

It's been like that even when I was a kid. There was that arcade game NARC, where you could violently blow up drug dealers but not kill the savage dogs that came to maul you to death. Instead you just somehow turned them into little puppies. And Nintendo of America once censored killing animals, especially cute ones (and yet they overlooked a hamster being nuked in a microwave).

Not that I blame them. I hate it too when the protagonist deliberately harms animals (except for maybe the Mario games), even if they're a cold-blooded psychopath who brutally murders every other human in their path. But it doesn't make a lot of sense... or does it?

Some articles claim that dyslexics learn better looking at blue and yellow PowerPoints

Some dyslexics are colorblind

Some articles claim that autistics hear better with gaze aversion

a picture is worth a thousand words,"

Some articles claim that girls learn better from women tthan men.

But the article is not necessarily correct

And it is not necessarily all girls

And if they do learn better that way, how much better


A Barnes and Noble job interviewer asked me, how do yoou learn best example. Seeing, hearing

How should I know?





There are a lot of variables in every situation

Some variables, it is not possible or practical to change

Besides maybe the way I learn best is still not much better or faster than right now





Nothing left to do in "life"





Yesterdays human resources woman told me to take Communication classes at community college


Wtf?





I took Business Communication and Interpersonal Communication Skills

Classes cost ,$$$

BA Cognitive Science, AA Accounting

The Human Resources woman only has an AA in Liberal Arts

The previous boss and her supervisor only had high school diplomas






Everyone in that building looked nice

Now I don't feel like I could trust anyone


Maintenance Engineering




No motivation

Lazy


Bzz agent
AAA
UCSF
Great health
Berkeley shambhala meditation
Wespac
Bay area rapid transit

Got fired two to seven times

Depending on how you count it.





Plenty of people physically weak, bad at school, emotionally fragile, vocationally incompetent have jobs that pay enough to live off of.

fine

But personality disorders make it hard to get and keep a job

The current counselor told me that the professional treatment for personality disorders is dialectical behavioral therapy





Wtf?

One hundred dollars an hour

To sit around talking




Feel like exhausted all the options

Adrenal fatigue


Went to bed eight pm and woke up four am past couple of days


Exhausted


Anemic

Tired


Fatigued