06 Aug 2018, 3:27 pm
thank you, ab, for your heartfelt concern. i am okay. i just meant for sp to give themselves a break. we all make mistakes. the best yardstick is comparing one's self today against one's self yesterday, not worrying much about how much better or worse others are doing.
if I compared myself with yesterday, i'd cry.
instead I compare myself with tomorrow and thank god it isn't tomorrow yet."old age ain't no place for sissies." but are you wiser?
I am no longer sure than I am accumulating wisdom with each increment of time. I more often feel i'm going backwards in some ways. my frontal lobes are weaker for sure.
frontal lobe weakness - i think you've just invented a new disease -lol. seriously, what have you noticed that makes you think your frontal lobes have increasing problems? a PM would be fine.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,231
Location: the island of defective toy santas
06 Aug 2018, 3:31 pm
thank you, ab, for your heartfelt concern. i am okay. i just meant for sp to give themselves a break. we all make mistakes. the best yardstick is comparing one's self today against one's self yesterday, not worrying much about how much better or worse others are doing.
if I compared myself with yesterday, i'd cry.
instead I compare myself with tomorrow and thank god it isn't tomorrow yet."old age ain't no place for sissies." but are you wiser?
I am no longer sure than I am accumulating wisdom with each increment of time. I more often feel i'm going backwards in some ways. my frontal lobes are weaker for sure.
frontal lobe weakness - i think you've just invented a new disease -lol. seriously, what have you noticed that makes you think your frontal lobes have increasing problems? a PM would be fine.
PM to follow
06 Aug 2018, 3:57 pm
"life" is full of things I fear, precious lil "people" whose gutts I hate, food I can't afford to pay for or otherwise eat, activities I can't do and do not have the potential to learn how to do
Can't join military - Gender identity disorder, depression, anxiety, OCD, and etc
Can't drive car . Got a license but too many things to pay attention to
Can't get a job. Got fired almost every time
Everything appears to be meaningless
Everyone, especially myself, looks stupid
Precious lil "people" get on my nerves, when they are just being themselves
They talk too much and too loudly
Sometimes They drive dangerously and impatiently
They give compliments and I feel like I have to say "thank you"
Sometimes they wrongly accuse me of something
Sometimes they make a mountain out of a molehill
Sometimes their favorite words are "respect", "rude", "mean" , "people" , "huh", "what", "help", "huRt", "important", "care",
"Are you ok"
"Do you have a question"
"May I help you "
Like they are so innocent and important and awesome
Then they take way toooooo much credit for the "help" that they allegedly provided
Sometimes they act so self important
Maybe I ought to be glad that they have not yet exterminated my worthless corpse
There is a for me to do all day long
No $$, no "friends", no job, no job skills, no emotional resilience
Cravings gone haywire
Feel like public nuisance
07 Aug 2018, 10:16 am
07 Aug 2018, 10:23 am
07 Aug 2018, 10:36 am
07 Aug 2018, 11:21 am
Psychobabble
Preparation for the future
Peer pressure
A systematic method of counseling
Like driver's education goes over how to drive, and then after that, behind the wheel practice
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,231
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Aug 2018, 2:31 pm
07 Aug 2018, 3:00 pm
My sleeping cycle. I've been awake for 25 hours today, and it's not even as if I've tried to go to bed at a 'normal' time. I might wake up in five hours or ten, who knows. I'm also drinking a very significant quantity of alcohol lately, though we're not talking Dean Martin stuff here. I sometimes wonder how long my body and mind will hold out at this rate and at my time of life.... 
07 Aug 2018, 4:52 pm
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,231
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Aug 2018, 5:00 pm
07 Aug 2018, 6:29 pm
07 Aug 2018, 6:46 pm
07 Aug 2018, 9:55 pm
Today when I told the counselor that the internship ended early, she assumed that "they let you go". So I corrected her.
When I said the Human Resources woman said the bosses boss said "your baggy clothes might get caught in the machinery and you could get injured", she assumed it was an office. it was a warehouse. The boss said jeans and a t-shirt were ok. "Baggy?". They were not tight. But the only "machinery" that I touched was the hole puncher, pallet, copy machine. according to the job description I should have used a computer too). 
but there were no Improvised Explosive Devices, construction sites, land mines, or warzones involved 
The counselor told me that the reason why she was almost all reflective instead of directive was because i personally and specifically scrutinize her statements and claim they were not correct, or globalization. So she said she will be more directive with me from now on
She said "what"? To me. 
does she not know how to say "excuse me"?
She's sixty years old and has a Master's degree.
Calloused abrupt insensitive curt
But she started and ended on time
No Mandated Reporter questions
No judgement attitude
No comment about my appearance or IQ. Score
And she didn't tell the DMV to revoke my driver's license
So whatever
It is not her fault I have no job
Autism, homophobia, none of that is her fault
What is she supposed to say, "abracadabra"?
Only three or four out of about ten libraries have job vacancies
Eleven dollars an hour
19 hour a week
Library Aide
That's it
Bachelor degree useless
Regret not joining the military
Maybe civilians would respect me then
Although whatever
Maybe I would be dead, paralyzed, injured, Fort Leavenworth
So wtf ever
Besides not all the jobs in the military are Combat
Artillery, infantry, combat engineer
Combat engineer only need high school diploma
No college
And it contains the word "engineer"
If I can't be at least a Civil Engineer, then I don't want a job
If I can't be cisgender, then
Train engineer
Locomotive engineer
Combat engineer
Domestic engineering
Sales engineer
Cognitive engineer
Social engineer
Automotive engineering
Maintenance Engineering
Manufacturing engineering
Do not want to do jack s**t all day long
Just loitering the panhandling
Wish I had real "friends"
Written contract rules
Expectations
Assumptions
Some things should go without saying
Anyone that has the nerve to say "what" or "huh" to me is not my "friend"
No cancelling on me, except extremely rare situAtions
No off leash dog
No judgmental attitude
08 Aug 2018, 9:53 am
08 Aug 2018, 6:50 pm
When I said the Human Resources woman said the bosses boss said "your baggy clothes might get caught in the machinery and you could get injured", she assumed it was an office.
it was a warehouse. The boss said jeans and a t-shirt were ok. "Baggy?". They were not tight. But the only "machinery" that I touched was the hole puncher, pallet, copy machine. according to the job description I should have used a computer too). but there were no Improvised Explosive Devices, construction sites, land mines, or warzones involved The counselor told me that the reason why she was almost all reflective instead of directive was because
i personally and specifically scrutinize her statements and claim they were not correct, or globalization. So she said she will be more directive with me from now onShe said "what"? To me.
does she not know how to say "excuse me"?She's sixty years old and has a Master's degree.
Calloused abrupt insensitive curt
But she started and ended on time
No Mandated Reporter questions
No judgement attitude
No comment about my appearance or IQ. Score
And she didn't tell the DMV to revoke my driver's license
So whatever
It is not her fault I have no job
Autism, homophobia, none of that is her fault
What is she supposed to say, "abracadabra"?
Only three or four out of about ten libraries have job vacancies
Eleven dollars an hour
19 hour a week
Library Aide
That's it
Bachelor degree useless
Regret not joining the military
Maybe civilians would respect me then
Although whatever
Maybe I would be dead, paralyzed, injured, Fort Leavenworth
So wtf ever
Besides not all the jobs in the military are Combat
Artillery, infantry, combat engineer
Combat engineer only need high school diploma
No college
And it contains the word "engineer"
If I can't be at least a Civil Engineer, then I don't want a job
If I can't be cisgender, then
Train engineer
Locomotive engineer
Combat engineer
Domestic engineering
Sales engineer
Cognitive engineer
Social engineer
Automotive engineering
Maintenance Engineering
Manufacturing engineering
Do not want to do jack s**t all day long
Just loitering the panhandling
Wish I had real "friends"
Written contract rules
Expectations
Assumptions
Some things should go without saying
Anyone that has the nerve to say "what" or "huh" to me is not my "friend"
No cancelling on me, except extremely rare situAtions
No off leash dog
No judgmental attitude
warning: gonna be directive. what about taking a library aid job to have something on your resume. as someone who was out of work for 12 years, i know the harms of a large, recent gap in employment.
