What's on your mind right now?

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Hoping to not have to bloody move again, just because another party can't never seem to find contentment no matter where they are..Honestly, I have found contentment wherever I've found living dwelling space, as I don't imagine nor create some silly phenomena regarding the neighbors or the environment as, an excuse to pack up and leave.

The fact that I have held onto to a certain job for more than 9 months means a lot to me...the hypothetical scenario of needing to support a pregnant spouse on my mind .
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Disengaging from parents--the 'final frontier' to ceasing pathologized adolescence.

'Welcome to Marwen' won't be playing at the nearest mall movie theater near me and I might have to wait until around Boxing day.

Reviews of 'Welcome to Marwen' aren't too good..

This gets my attention: https://film.avclub.com/the-8-hour-geno ... 1831107704

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Auto-critique

I don't care about what the pigeons in Gore park ate yesterday.

I am not committed to (knowing what) the pigeons in Gore park ate yesterday.
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The psychology of gambling.

..~"I think that we always feel like children deep inside"

Is that why divorce rates are as high as they are?: a deeply cynical part of me.

I wonder if one day I'll actually get the guts to see once and for all if my mom is right about all this. Until then... I guess I'll think of all the reasons that it's all a misunderstanding.

Did anyone never think when they were little how where they would worked would be determined by which places are the most convenient to arrive at in ~20 minutes?.

._. All the religion, all the spirituality...and yet for whatever presence of consciousness certain non-human creatures could be said to have, I still feel a major guilt hang-up and clearing honey in which some ants, a fair amount which probably had not yet gone through their final changes were stuck in...

...part of me is angry at the 'poor decision-making' of such animals who have a substance amount of the year to gather food and moisture and yet are still attracted to a family viscous fluid which could make for the end of them.

The other part is not unsurprisingly angry at myself and the futility or irrelevance of the notions of forgiveness, self-forgiveness for all the ponderous 'bells and whistles' which can be applies to them when it fails such creatures in an irreversible experience.

Believing in the naiveness of Caucasian ppl (even toddlers) is difficult for me to have gotten to believe in considering the role in colonialism which made me think so disparagingly of Caucasians when I was younger.

How there can be persons out there whom believe in things with absolutely no verifiable evidence nor proof.

Wanting to tell my mom how uncomfortable I become whenever my uncle visits, but she doesn't listen; one reason in particular being that all males (including males on the spectrum) are weak and if I don't behave in a certain way, I will be seen as weak in her eyes.

I'm remembering my auntie's house, which my father built with her husband in the mid-1950s.

The house was up on a hill, but there was a workshop garage at the bottom where cars were parked.

To connect the garage and the lower floor of the house, Dad and my uncle built a limestone tunnel under the hill. It was so fun to arrive and go through the garage to get in the house. I loved all the machinery smells such as car oil and grease. I even remember the smell of winter boots and coats hanging there in storage throughout the year. At the back of the garage you went into long, reinforced underground tunnel. It was carpeted and beautifully lit with torches, and it had its own awesome and unique scent of stone. Then you would finally arrive in the cellar of their house, which looked out over a woodlot despite being at the basement level.

We spent every Christmas there (but one) until I was fifteen. That's what Christmas smelled like, not to mention my auntie's turkey gravy which was always ready to serve. I still associate my auntie with the smell of gravy.

A little too much. Working on narrowing that down.

I mean to look up 'CBC' related stuff later and will report to social assistance at the latest on the 28th.

Some books define clinical depression as "feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or worthlessness"

There is not always "hope". Things could always get better or worse. The chances it gets better, are sometimes too low, for realistic "hope"

Or it could be, they have "hope". False "hope"

"Hope" for what, winning the lottery?

"Guilt"? Nobody is innocent completely, in all ways. But many precious lil "people" sure as f**k act like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives and "the meaning of life is helping people!"

Maybe more people should feel guilty more often, and more guilty

Carbon footprint

Frequency, intensity, duration




"Worthlessness"? Even the exchange rate of monetary currency changes every day

Nobody and nothing has an inherent worth , and if they did, that worth would not be nearly as high as they act like it is









If you split Siamese twins, do you get twice the retail value?

Of course not






A counselor told me that the reason why I think I am "worthless" is because I have no job

What the flying f**k?

Even when I had a job, I still felt "worthless"

Maybe "most people" just overestimate their retail value

The counselor told me that I was "important"

The dictionary defines "important" as "of great value". "Great". Not everything with value, is great value






And even that counselor did not find me "important" enough, that she could tolerate a disagreement

And she interrupted me and said "what?"


She did not even find me "important" enough, for her to say "excuse me", instead of "what?"


For her, "important" means "above zero" and she values me three cents

So I am "important"

For me, "important" means "above one dollar" and I value myself , five cents

So I am not "important"

Even though I value myself, more than she values me




Precious lil "people" act like every slightest thing is the funniest thing in the world




Knit, crochet, sewing







Instead of telling me my reaction, tell me what you did wrong

My energy for being committed.. more and more it's pointing towards art.

Watched this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUwmA3Q ... t=WL&t=34s

After the stress of last night, I've decided to become selfish and this morning was great...
It's not really selfish, it's putting my energies where they need to be put. If mum wants to moan about her boss, then fine.
But in my off time, I'll treat myself to nice things most of which I can get for free.