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Lately my head looks more like a woman not a man

Disturbing

See no prospects in "life"

Disease, disability, rape, burglary. The bad things that could happen are, a lot, permanent, and subject to imagination

The best thing that could ever happen, is that fewer total things happen




Contract, stay the same, expand "life"

My disability and how i will cope with life when my parents pass away.

Consensual hugs to everyone who lost a loved one this time of year.

I'm lucky, the only death I had was very tragic but not very personal to me. A very lovely young man who mum used to teach died in a fire at this time of year. It's a tragic waste of young life, especially as he was a particularly nice boy who would have made a nice man and the world needs more nice people in it, not less.

I'm thinking about my imaginary world where the husband just gave the wife a cushion for the parlour for Christmas and the kids got one action figure and two books An absolutely gorgeous gold coloured cushion which I'll put into my art somehow

We did this in the real world too when I was a kid. A gift after Midnight Mass. Santa visited during Midnight Mass.

I hate how I can't find 2/3 gifts given to them--lost them already? .

Reasons for why I hate eating 'junk food'

(i) The risk of habitualizing it
(ii) " " picking up on habits of others who habitually eat junk food
(iii) Considering..if in those ~confectionaries the white sugar used has the same effect on the brain as cocaine..
...and if pornography has the same effect on the brain as cocaine...I get worrisome thinking about what this means
for my cognition and the wiring related to addictivity and psychopathology overall.

Two things:

Pasko nanaman muli!!
And...
AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaIForgotMyDamnedGlassesAtHomeee!! !

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

If I had known that school was going to be as 'stormy' as it was for me and leave me as disturbed as it did, making it feel as if any [entry level unsurprisingly] job I was going to take, would take would wind up feeling like a suicide mission to me then..

I don't know... maybe I'm just hoping someone shows up with an answer to a question I won't even ask.

"I accept you. Let's play"



Every day is a holiday somewhere in the world

Everything that matters is closed today

As usual no plans

All I want, is the library to be open

And trader Joe's

So I can gorge binge

At least it is not raining


Judeo Christian holidays. Feel more left out than usual

Muslim, turkey, Islam, Ramadan, different holidays





Emotional resilience rapidly approaching zero

Intelligence and health likewise

Graceful degradation




"Life" is "As Good As it Gets" and that ain't too great



f**k mister redelings
f**k the spoiled upper middle class brat from aikido
f**k Amy Lee b***h
f**k Caroline Martinez
f**k homophobics, Republicans, materialistic, superficial, judgmental, entitled, impatient precious lil "people"


They act like they have a moral right to be happy at all times

I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life because of doubts from others.
But, I know I've done all I can to be a mother.

I'm ready to leave this house.
I want to start a new family.

I'm just grieved over what baby's father is doing to our relationship.

I'm greived because I may have set some big boundaries with family members.

My mum's obsession with tidiness and cleanliness. She just perfected the bed in the spare bedroom that I'm using. I guess that I'll throw my plans for an afternoon nap out the window. I wouldn't want to mess up the bed.
What type of a name is Dezan anyways? Is it French or German? She sure doesn't act like a laid back French.

I guess that I could always sleep on the floor.

I feel like nowadays everyone has to have a political opinion but nobody's allowed to listen to each other. Whenever I say 'I agree with you but maybe the other side feels that way because...' and then either a fact or 'they might think that...' people assume I'm on the other side and get cross.

I like philosophy but I increasingly don't like politics because big P politics is turning into small p politics.

I didn't want to debate politics over Christmas but people have cut my great aunt out of our family because of Brexit. I'm just trying to see her POV.

I have no idea how I'm going to stay in touch with anyone.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Dad not sober, dad’s friend and mom arguing..

I would majorly like a ‘Buddhist style’ assertion guidebook.

Not telling dad I moved house is really awkward. Now he wonders how I got better all of a sudden.
I now live in a town I grew up near and have childhood rather than negative associations with and can walk in and it's a nice place without people hassling/scamming you on the street.
I don't want him to know I live near him (same county) because he's not really that great an influence face to face.
Also, it's interesting how going shopping is now such a novelty that people are impressed by all my little stories of the shops which I have rather than just the click of a button which they have. I did go to indie shops and shops which only sold one item (like Yankee Candle) but still.
I think I'll do it again next year.
Btw I did it all in November which NTs think I'm showing off by but I'm sure some of you will realise I did because December in (any large) town is awful.
Mum is really unpc actually. She said 'we could have an Asperger's team and a dyslexic team for the quiz'. 'Oh this is a dyslexic person's question on pop music we'll win this round' 'autistic people are smarter so you'll win the whole thing' etc... My cousin just put down our actual names...
I mean to be fair I did pick to go in the team of the other autistic person in the room's group cos he's smart like me but I didn't say it that bluntly like that.

Some articles claim that the MRI of clinical depression looks just like brain damage.

Too far gone

Brain feels like it is on strike and has been for at least fifteen years

Breasts feel large and heavy

Want to get it off my chest

No pun intended




Ever day, gorged, for four months. Several exception.

Have not gained weight yet, but sooner or later, will gain weight



Hrrting

Human Rights Campaign saluted Josie totah

Nobody saluted me

It's like a mockery

Usually, "most people" have a morally innocent, self important lil attitude

Not bad attitude , but entitled and annoying

They say "may I help you ?" And "are you ok?", But they do not have the authority or skill to "help", and even when they do, they say they "can't" , when they do not want to. And if they do "help" you, they "help" one teaspoon, and take a gallon of credit

Nobody cares about the Leash Law.

Idiots just care about "animal rights" . "Service dogs" can be off leash legally. The staff can't ask for the documentation or a demonstration. The staff can't ask what the owners disability is. The staff can only ask, what job skills Fido, Rover and Spot and Clifford have.

That's like saying, of course I can be a nuclear physicist . Because I do not have documentation , and I do not demonstrate the skill

Some owners claim their precious lil dips**ts are "service dogs" , just so the lil dips**t can go with the owner somewhere

"Respect", "rude", "mean", "help" and "hurt" are way too vague

But anyone that says one of them, gets the moral high road automatically. "Most people" are simple-minded and care only about themselves.

Which is one thing, but they often claim credit for things they did not do.




Every day I think the same thoughts and it is driving me crazy (slang)

Precious lil "people" are not going to change, and if they did, it would not be because I want them to