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Why shouldn’t I think that my (brain,body,..) is a sack of lies?..

If I was an (artist?, art student?, professional artist?) it would make sense to make to actually have book. Dense 'coffee table' like books filled with visuals which you take after on quick hand instead of the possible distractions of internet browsing.

So much lined paper.. sure wish that I could *trade* the amounts I have for tracing and/or printer paper.

Will I ever go back to using a blog than using Youtube, perhaps as, hardly anyone views my views my youtube and does not leave a leave a single comment.

Dying

functioning

The strange thing about work and being employed, The strange thing about labour and being employed, The strange thing about labour and not being https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NEET is that it always a people based thing.

Even in a reputed 'anti-social' line of work like a computer programmer, even in a reputed 'asocial' line of work like a computer programmer there is always a necessary interaction, there is always a necessary painful interaction. The job interview, reporting and cooperating with others, speaking with payroll and possible years of labour investment/school 'gone up in smoke' with only relevant skills apparently/'expect-edly' embedded to the point of complaint free automaticity left intact.

I no longer have to feel ashamed about not working.

Food cravings that I don't want to give into.

I hate eating confectionary.

Why don't people on here remember any
baby lullabies from their lives and share them?

Self care has gone out the window again.

Generalized anxiety disorder

Social anxiety disorder

Anxious versus avoidant attachment style

Avoidant personality disorders

Social rejection hrrts like physical pain, in the brain

"Precision of language"

Oversimplified

Motto, slogan

Role model, protagonist, hero, put on pedestal, villify

Wrongfully accused and imprisoned

Taxation without representation

Trauma

Financial reparations

Forty acres and a mule

The Diagnostic statistical manual says a symptom of clinical depression is, loss of interest in activities". But interest always gets higher, stays the same, or lower. You can't guarantee just the first two

Same with, weight gain or loss

Many diseases and drugs have weight gain and loss as a symptom

Paralysis

Boredom, obsessive compulsive disorder

Excitement, adrenal fatigue

Exaggeration, minimization

Measured to two significant digits, at that time

Protractor, slide rule

"Helping people"

Meaning, purpose

Discipline, punishment, reward, risk

Cost benefit analysis

The former aikido instructor should not have let the spoiled upper middle class brat take the class. The maximum punishment was ten pushups. It claimed it could not do boy pushups. It did girl pushups. The first couple of days I thought the lil dips**t was a girl. It should have taken a dips**ts only class or none. The instructor was practicing "kindness"..... To the lil dips**t. Not to me.


Later I quit because of the lil dips**t


The instructors showered the lil penis with attention and affection.



And I was jealous and tried to ignore my emotions


f**k the spoiled upper middle class brat

That's exactly it. Any old bozo could prance in, pay cash, and the instructor can't refuse service, or "discrimination"



Nobody in the dojo, not even the instructor, has has a background check

Anyone convicted of murder could take lessons

And I am especially vulnerable and helpless, bc autism, weight, trans, no friends.

You do not know who the instructor is having sex with

Right now I owe the head b***h over 400 bucks. But I have not gone to any of her classes, just her flunkies' lessons. But the head b***h could just prance into the dojo at any time

Paranoid personality disorders

Over four years ago, I was leaving someone elses class before bow out. and the narcissistic, judgmental, arrogant, entitled lil b***h had the nerve to tell me that "you should do the four claps. ". "why are you leaving before he even?"


Hey control freak b***h, f**k you


You do not remember that incident, but YOU disrespected ME . Not vice versa. You might not even recognize me, b7t f**k you b***h


You acted like you were so morally innocent and had never done jack s**t wrong before in your life and "the meaning of life is helping people " (2006 San Diego, mister redelings)

The weirdest people from martial arts




"Perfect character". No such thing

The demeanor of a clinical psychologist is different from CIA interrogator

Adaptable

My personality is the farthest from "survival of the fittest" . Diammetric opposition


But I am already 35 so what the flying f**k ever



35 is already too old

For me sin (khata) stopped meaning 'diminished connectivity with the non-excluding divine' and became 'barely forgivable shame'.