Make an extremely dark joke.

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Coincidentally, a slight page layout boo-boo from The Atlantic just recently...

The headline and sub-head were from two different stories published on the same day. I wonder whether the typesetter was familiar with the same joke!
(seen in this Language Log blog thread.)

Two things never get old, jokes about anti-vaxers, and their kids

I am going to have to steal this one to go with the one I posted lol

Dangit you posted mine

Mickey Mouse wakes up one beautiful winter's morning, looks out the window, and is horrified to see the words "Mickey sucks" written on the snow in pee. So he calls the police, who come and take a sample of the pee, and tell him they'll have it tested and call him when get they results. A few days later the police call Mickey and say, "We have the results of the sample we took, and we have some bad news and some terrible news. The bad news is that it's your friend Goofy's pee. The terrible news is that it's Minnie Mouse's handwriting!"

A group of housewives went to Niagara Falls.
After a while their guide said; "If the ladies could keep quiet for a minute, we might be able to hear the waterfall."

Amen

My Tinder profile is about as useful as a comb is to a gaggle of bald men.

Buy someone a plane ticket and they will fly for a day...

Push them out of that plane and the will fly for the rest of their lives

Two rednecks were out hunting in the woods when one of them suddenly grabbed his chest and collapsed. His skin was grey, his eyes were rolled up into his head and he didn't look like he was breathing. The other redneck was very alarmed, whipped his phone out, and called 911. "It's my friend Bubba, I think he's dead!" he said in a panicked tone. The operator said in a calm, gentle voice, "It's okay sir, just stay calm and listen to my instructions. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's really dead." There was a brief pause, and then the sound of a gunshot. Then the redneck told the operator, "Yep, he's dead."

How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen?
Four in the seats and seventeen in the ashtray.

Did you hear the one about the church that was set on fire?
Holy smoke!

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."






Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday service when he felt a sudden barf attack impending.

"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So he hurried out the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

It's all s**ts and giggles until someone giggles and s**ts themselves. That's when s**t gets real.