What's on your mind right now?

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I feel abandoned.
I can't please everyone.
I met someone new today.

The primary care physician, told me that she is going to phone call a psychiatrist

Because propranolol is benzodiazapine

But it's the lowest dose available

The lowest dose could still be too low but

s**t

Eating like pregnant, Lamaze, extreme hunger (anorexic).

Itchy legs , polyester sweat pants

Crave love

Chocolate

Bad habits

Going nowhere

Discipline

Coding boot camp


A medical doctor wrote a book that said, between age 30 and 35, neuroplasticity goes down by half

Plus mine was never great

No school, no job,

one friend only

"Beggars can't be choosers"

Monopolistic competition



A book said that the person that's strongest and smartest is not most suited for the living. The one that's best at adapting to change is suited for living

Survival of the fittest

But I am weak, stupid, and bad at dealing with change



Surprised I am 36 cold f**k


"Life" going nowhere s**t

Jail

Monastery

This is just a story of what I did today. It's not complete, and far from detailed of course.


Today, I went walking on the rain to get a forgotten item from the day before yesterday. It was an umbrella that I took that day, borrowed from my sister, she was kinda pissed that I left it that day,

Yesterday my mom and I had visited an old family friend of ours. I took the umbrella and went to my mom's workplace. But my mom wants to visit this old friend that day and I came with her.

So I did went to her house today, and it was raining. Of course like any usual person, the first thing one would notice is me walking on the rain without any umbrella.

Then this family friend of mine didn't let me go home out of concern. I see no point staying nor leaving either, since I'm currently unemployed and I have enough the time in the world.

She offered; to come with her and wait for the transports service she hired. It was a silent wait. Really, unlike any guests, I just see no point conversing. What am I supposed to talk about?

She just proceeds to tease me about walking long distances, I just randomly asked where her daughtera are and what she was doing...

And I took her offer to come with her. It's her job and errand, and I went with her.

So we went to places; the markets, the venues.. Brought her ingredients and other materials.

I paid attention, really. I recall every detail, I can recall the whole thing but...

It is fragmented. It's not the memory, it's my 'scope' of awareness.

This isn't, like, defensive desensitization or anything in order to cope with sensory overload -- far from it. The external chaos just had nothing to do with it.

As I accompanied her, I cannot help but feel this barrier against the scope of awareness. It's like I have all the pieces of the puzzle, and I know it connects... But there's no frame to hold onto, there's no 'border' to put the whole thing and read the bigger picture right after putting it together.

It's just there. This barrier. This persistent barrier that made the reaches of my mind limited. This barrier refuses me to grow. This barrier is a threat to my freedom. This is why I quit my job because I thought I'd grow, but this problem here persisted...

Despite her remarks that we may meet again and possible chances of meeting in the future, I'm just uncertain. Should I go again? Whether I want to or not, it's this annoying question again.

Cannot rely on logic, cannot rely on emotions.
Nothing pulls me in or out, only confusion.

So... This isn't a burnout. This isn't even sensory overload. This isn't autism's overly-focus mind that narrows the awareness. This is something else, more similar to brain fog. I've been dealing this a year now and I hate it...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

How pointless it was to craft level 100 slotted armor for my guardian when he's just going to out level it soon and his level 105 clone is doing all the fighting for him at this point anyways.

I'm wishing the universe was fair, and that no one had to suffer. I wish I could teleport to help others.

I'm done with Wrong Planet. This forum will eventually die just like all the others. I'm sick trolling trolls who troll just for the sake of trolling. f**k it all.

I'll become a hermit and isolate myself from the world while the lefts and the rights all slaughter each other after they get tired with the name calling because all they care about is being right and making everybody else wrong at ANY cost.

f**k Wrong Planet!

Hair.

I hope the new Toastmasters year will be a successful one.

I'm ruminating about the answers I gave in my autism interview today. I'll probably replay the entire conversation in my head for the next year, worrying that I said too much, too little, or too .... off topic.