Make an extremely dark joke.

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I am not sure what the term dark means in reference to a joke... So I will just add a joke anyway.

Did you hear about the guy who was caught trying to blow up a bus? They had to take him to hospital. He burnt his lips on the tail pipe.

^"Dark" means seeing the humorous side of things that are usually not considered funny - like death, life-threatening diseases, war, abuse, disasters or tragic accidents.

However, a joke can be about literal darkness and not be considered a dark joke:

"Are you a light sleeper?"
"No, I usually sleep in the dark."

Thanks. I will have to think about that. I mean... To think if some of my jokes qualify.

Isn't it interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds?

In America, a dog goes "Woof!"

In the Czech Republic, a dog goes "Haf!"

In the Netherlands, a dog goes "Blaf!"

In China, a dog goes "Sizzle."

My ex-girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale, so I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.

"Mom, the kids are being mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Are they?"

"Of course not, sweetie. Now go park your shoes in the garage and get ready for supper.“

Mom said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure."

That's how I found out I was adopted.

I hate double standards, especially in our justice system.

I mean, if you burn bodies in a crematorium you're just "doing your job".

But if you do it at home, the judge says you’re "destroying evidence".

Interviewer: "First question: [i]"503 bricks are on a plane in flight. 1 falls off. How many are left?"

Interviewee: "502."

Interviewer: "Good! Second question: [i]"How do you put an elephant in a fridge?"

Interviewee: "You can't fit an elephant in a fridge!"

Interviewer: "Just open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door."

Interviewer: "Third question: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?"

Interviewee: "Open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door."

Interviewer: "No, you open the door, take elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door."

Interviewer: "Fourth question: The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?"

Interviewee: "Uhh ... let me guess ... the lion?"

Interviewer: "No! It's the giraffe!"

Interviewee: "Why?"

Interviewer: "Because he's in a fridge."

Interviewer: "Fifth question: Sally has to get across a large river that is home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How does she do it?"

Interviewee: "Umm ... Sally stepped on the alligators mouths?"

Interviewer: "Wrong answer. The gators are still at the party."

Interviewer: "Sixth question: Sally dies as soon as she steps out of the water. How does she die?"

Interviewee: "That's easy! She drowned!"

Interviewer: "No, non, no! She got hit in the head by a falling brick."

Q: What's worse than finding 3 murder victims in a dumpster?

A: Finding a murder victim in 3 dumpsters.

Q: Why don't blind go people sky-diving?

A: It scares the poop out of their dogs.

What do you call "The Little Engine that Could" in Japan?


"The Little Engine that will or will receive great shame"

(I can't get my head around the "Dark humour" idea so I may as well say a joke anyway!)

Why do elephants have wrinkles? They just don't fit on ironing boards.

Mummy mummy do you believe in vampires?
Shut up and drink your blood!


Mummy mummy can I lick the bowl?
No, pull the chain like everyone else.