What's on your mind right now?

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I'm looking forward to going home from my holiday in the morning. I need some serious alone time after so much socialising in the past week. The kitten was worth it, though!

School, especially one of my business courses. It is the first day of the spring semester and I want to do very well.

Wondering exactly what I absolutely have to work on before I start seriously looking at apartments and what I'll just learn along the way. Wishing I could just start apartment-hunting right now, so I'd actually be making some sort of progress. My mom insists I need to work on getting a proper routine (involving things like showering on a regular basis and actually eating lunch), I think I'll develop one once I get settled in to an apartment (moving in would completely throw off my routine anyway and I'd have to pretty much start over). My dog needs to learn not to start barking every time someone closes a door or walks by outside, because that isn't going to fly even in a pet-friendly apartment (he's a service dog, so technically I could have him even in an apartment that otherwise doesn't allow animals, but I don't want to do that unless I absolutely have to), but for that I need someone else's assistance - someone to walk past the windows outside, knock on the door, ring the doorbell, go upstairs and knock on, open, and close doors, while I stay with the dog and give praise/redirection as needed. I also need one or both of my parents to actually sit down with me and plan a hypothetical budget - I know how to do it and will stick to it to the penny, but I have no idea how much, say, a week or a month's worth of groceries for one person will cost, or how much to expect utility bills to cost (if they aren't included in rent).

I think the main problem with this is that for a lot of it, I need someone else's help, and my parents are both major procrastinators. Somehow we just never get around to it, despite my mentioning it multiple times and them agreeing that yes, these are important things for me to know. So I'm getting really frustrated by that and am ready to just throw myself into the deep end without having ever done anything besides dip my toes in the water before, because it seems like that's the only way any progress is going to happen, and that way I don't have to end up just waiting and waiting and waiting until suddenly I am old enough for all those assisted living places that are exclusively for the elderly and I go to one of them instead, because at this rate, that's what's going to happen if I don't do something about it, and I sure hadn't planned on living with my parents until I'm fifty-five and moving in to assisted living.

Then again, jumping right into living in an apartment by myself is probably pretty reckless for someone who can't even manage to adequately feed herself without insistent prodding, can't remember whether she took the dog out this afternoon or not, and has even been known to forget what's on TV during a commercial break, even when it's something she was paying attention to (it almost made me cry the first time I did that because it highlights just how bad my memory issues are, and since it's been so long since I had ECT with absolutely no improvement (if anything, some decline), I know I will never get it back. Seriously, I used to read things in textbooks once in school and remember everything, never had to go back over my notes because I remembered everything I'd written down. I once had a stereotypical Aspie memory. Now I have to ask my mom what show/movie we were watching halfway through a commercial break. And there's no going back, not ever.)

I confess I'm afraid of my memory declining even further, that one day I'll forget how to talk, how to even think in words so I can't communicate at all. That one day I'll forget that I actually need to get up and go to the bathroom. How to put on my shoes and coat and take the dog for a walk. How to lift a fork to my mouth and chew a mouthful of food. Maybe even how to breathe. Maybe it's not the ECT that's responsible at all, or at least not fully responsible, and I have some other sort of progressive memory loss. It seems I'm slowly losing what memory I have left, and I admit, it's scary.

Something.

Pre-date jitters.

^^^good luck to you

(( merci buckets ))

Led Zeppelin listening to The Rain Song.

The Battle of Agincourt 1415.

Going to sleep --- finally. I've been wired from my holiday.

I think I may have a broken hip. I fell over yesterday. I really do not want to go to the hospital.

^^^DAMN! i hope you can get that checked in your version of "urgent care facility." you don't want to neglect a busted hip, that can lead to shock. please get it checked.

Dominekee, please get an X-ray. Mobility is crucial to us and you in particular, so you can ride your bike.

I want to fly a kite down tornado alley.