What's on your mind right now?

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... Urge to illegally pass checkpoints... Rising...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Elder...I left him briefly to put little in bed for napping... little one ended up having me read a book to him several timesover.

I had left the elder downstairs with the laptop on the counter, at a distance. This is XHs work laptop.

It was playing his show.

When I went down.. he had climbed from the chair to the table, onto the counter, had pulled off several of the keys and was biting one of them.

I did tell him off etc but now the laptop has five keys off, they arent going back on properly.
One of those keys has a corner bitten off. A few days ago he had removed the space bar and bit it and broke it in half....


I want to take it to a repair shop but I dont know if its possible to fix it. Or what's open etc... I'd have to leave little with nurse and she doesnt watch him in reality and he gets in all kinds of trouble ... and also I did it very rarely because they arent allowed to watch anyone except the elder...out of sheer necessity and mainly when the little one was napping.

Now I dont know if anything will be open, whether it will be open past 6.30 which is when i return from dropping off kids, whether if it's open only earlier in the day, the nurse will let me leave little one with her, whether he will get into a mess because she wasnt watching.
Additionally I am worried that it won't be something they can fix,
and XH will be so angry
AND I'm not sure what place would do this. It's an older looking DELL laptop. It's really poor quality though..the fact that the keys come off so easily AND quickly.,.he just grazes his hand over them and lightly scrapes (because he doessnt have strength) and they come off like scales.

Last night I learned about how a lot of moderators for social media like Reddit and Facebook have had to see such unbelievably horrific things in the videos they delete that many of them have developed PTSD or even committed suicide. Humans and animals being tortured and killed just for laughs, child porn, and other things that just look plain straight out of a nightmare.

Earth is hell, and humans are the demons. We have to give these people credit for what they do, though, or the internet would be an even darker and place than it already is.

When will I learn to stop looking to Dr. Google to tell me that I don't have x disease or whatever? It never does. Also, I am sick and tired of my body mimicking symptoms of serious things like MS or lymphoma (both of which it's done before) and then having nothing actually be the matter, making me look like a hypochondriac or attention-seeker. Because of that, I'm reluctant to bring up the possibility that I might have a brain tumor, because a. it's probably just my body doing this again and b. if I tell my parents, they'll probably just tell me not to be ridiculous. Probably couldn't do anything about it until all this COVID-19 stuff is over anyway, because my symptoms don't present as urgent.

I wish I went to the eye doctor sooner, I hate my glasses, I need new glasses.

"I know this much is true"
"She's come undone"
"Hygiene is the assassin"
"The graduate"
"And resignation was her crony"

Apropos of nothing
Far be it from me to
Can't prove it is not possible but it is not happening and that is close enough s**t
Apocalypse
Armageddon
Doomsday
Looting and rioting


overreaction

Not sustainable

"It's the end of the world as we know it"
Hip opener

Tension, compression, stress, force, pressure, strain,

Diverticulitis, Crohn's, ulcerative colitis

Immunocompromised, eczema, psoriasis

Lichen schlerosis

Multiple schlerosis

Multiple intelligence

Stream of consciousness

Brain tumor

overreaction

Bias, prejudice

Vague, manipulative, journalism,


Nothing accomplished 37

Brain feels numb

Body feels limp

Pretty soon I will be falling down in the bathroom s**t

Love

I have nothing positive to offer the solar system

Carbon footprint

Below salvage value

Plenty of lil dips**ts have nothing positive to offer the solar system but they still earn $$$$ psychologist

My anxiety is bad. I can't stop worrying about getting Covid-19. I can't stop thinking of my parents getting it, or my brother in New Brunswick. I can't do anything. Just touching my own mail could infect me. Yesterday I sprayed my mail with Lysol, and I can still smell its nauseating odor. It says "lavender fields scent" on the can. More like lavender fields that have been sprayed with a potent insecticide.

Apparently as of yesterday, I can add losing small chunks of time to my list of symptoms, and as of this morning, "remembering" things that didn't actually happen I feel like I'm just waiting until the day where I just can't take it anymore, or until my brain isn't capable of caring anymore.

If I do have a brain tumor and it's operable, I wonder if they'd let me keep it once it's out. I think that would be pretty cool, to just have a jar with my brain tumor in it.

Stay out of L&D. Stay out of L&D. Stay out of L&D. Keep repeating that to yourself until it finally sinks in, d&d. People don't want to hear from the exceptions to their generalizations, but you feel the need to post when you find said generalizations irritating. All that does is make there be two irritated people instead of one. Besides, since you don't actually want a romantic relationship, your experience (or lack thereof) doesn't count as far as they're concerned.

This feeling of... Getting further and further away from where I was going to, and where I want to be...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

What's on my mind right now is what isn't on my mind. All the memories I've lost and can never get back

Although I have been obsessed with the notion that if I do have a brain tumor and it's operable, maybe they'd let me keep it once it was out. I'd keep it in a jar and name it Brian. I absolutely at least want to see it once it's out, if it's there and can be removed.

I actually do rather hope I have a Brian in my brain and it can be removed, because if it isn't there, I'm back to just watching my brain slowly degrade until I reach the point where I really can't live like that any more, without even an explanation for it. If I have a thoroughly-embedded or otherwise inoperable tumor, at least I'd know why all this is happening to me. If I have an operable tumor, in addition to being cool to have it once it's outside my head (if they let me keep it, of course), it will also hopefully be an easy (if expensive) fix to at least keep my brain from degrading further.