What's on your mind right now?

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Edna3362
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27 Jul 2020, 12:45 am

August seems rather too soon, eh? :lol:

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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 6:48 am

XH sent pics from previous week of elder son laughing etx
and I saw my sonsaba therapist was in them conducting therapy
I didnt know she came back?? It used to be done at my house.. Till covid19...
Im kinda happy not to have her here though
Her paranoia and disrespect and seeming issues and weird misperceptions about me were getting out of control... I was being polite and nice and even accepting her misperceptions as truth just to placate her..
Apologizing when id done nothing
Etc
I know she has a difficult life and it's not about me
but it was taking a toll on me..

With a man , women always behave more respectfully.
In these positions.
At least from what ive seen.. She can stay there
Edit to add when I say these positions I mean anything to do with children be it doctor therapist PSW etc.. With me for example female psws wd come v late n not apologize n just leave so just decreasing their allotted time substantially despite requests phrased nicely that they please try to come on time etc that its difficult

With xH when kids had to go there when my foot broke.. They all came on time n stayed their full amount

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Last edited by blooiejagwa on 27 Jul 2020, 6:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

usagibryan
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27 Jul 2020, 6:50 am

Do I deserve my job? Will I ever get a higher paying position? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I ever be in a relationship? I feel like a loser, or a child in an adult body.

blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 7:00 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Tomorrow I apparently get to feel like I’m being prepared for mummification starting with removal of my brain. But at least I’ll (in all likelihood) be able to say that I for sure don’t have COVID-19 whenever the results of the test are back, and will therefore be cleared for my surgical biopsy on Thursday.

Good luck fr today!! I haven't been on WP for a while so unsure what the biopsy will be for but I'm assuming you have a start on the

answer for the ongoing issues you had experienced and it's part of the solution/explanation (biopsy) so that's good to read :heart:

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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 7:16 am

usagibryan wrote:

Do I deserve my job? Will I ever get a higher paying position? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I ever be in a relationship? I feel like a loser, or a child in an adult body.

Having a job and doing it is no small feat

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dragonsanddemons
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27 Jul 2020, 7:27 am

blooiejagwa wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Hi, I’ve been happy to see you around a little for the past few days

They’re going to be taking part of one of my lymph nodes for testing. I probably have some form of lymphoma, but we can’t say one hundred percent for sure without a biopsy to prove it, and it will also tell exactly what subset of lymphoma I have (assuming I really do have some sort of it) so we can determine the best course of action.

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usagibryan
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27 Jul 2020, 7:50 am

blooiejagwa wrote:

usagibryan wrote:

Do I deserve my job? Will I ever get a higher paying position? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I ever be in a relationship? I feel like a loser, or a child in an adult body.

Having a job and doing it is no small feat

I just have really bad impostor syndrome, it feels like other techs are more competent than me, and I'm not suited for anything more than entry level. I'm very bad at multi-tasking, scheduling and handling stress or conflict. If it were up to me I'd sit at a workbench all day working on computers, but dealing with other people and "other duties as assigned" is a big part of this job, and now during this pandemic things have gotten a lot more hectic.

Mountain Goat
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27 Jul 2020, 8:18 am

usagibryan wrote:

Do I deserve my job? Will I ever get a higher paying position? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I ever be in a relationship? I feel like a loser, or a child in an adult body.

Do not worry about things you may not have control over as yet. First concentrate on doing well at the things you can control.
Relationships... I have found they happen when I don't look for them. When I have spent years of looking for a girlfriend, the girls seemed to avoid me, though to be fair I have rarely asked a lady out. I have not had a proper sexual relationship as I feel that this has to have marriage first.

Now in regards to your job. Conquor the job you have first. Set up systems which help you organize yourself. (Systems meaning "Ways"). For example, I am a methodological type of person who works well using methods. So if some situation happens, I need to know how to cope with it from the method I have learned. Bicycle mechanics is very much like this. If a part won't come off using one method, one switches to the next method of approach.
Atone time I was the head of a bicycle department in a sports shop. I had no experience in paperwork but I quickly adapted my own methods which worked, and as long as the staff who also worked there understood the method... Or they left me a note to tell me what they had done so I could then take what they had done and fit it into my method, I was ok.
I needed the manager above me for those times when situations presented themselves where I had no method. I could go to him and say "This has happened. What do I do?" His approach was logical as he had lots of manageerial experience. It worked fine. When he left the store not that long before I did, his promptings (As he had us on our toes so though it felt like we could not take a break (He was a workaholic), it did do one thing for me. It helped me know what to do and give me prompts to enable me to make that important phone call etc... As I am one who needs these prompts. Example is, due to recent stresses, where only now it is quieter, I should have been arranging myself a blood test three weeks ago that my doctor wanted me to have. I have ignored it because I need to be calm to make the phone call. If I could walk into the doctors to arrange it, I would be ok, but not over the phone! I have not made it yet.).

Anyway. When I have methods in place, I am fine. The railway is an organization full of methods. The issues I had were when a situation arroze where it was inbetween or outside of one of these methods. (Life can be like that). It is only as I write this that I realize how much I relied upon these methods... Safe methods of working.
Now when I am at home, to relax, I try to void myself of methods... But I realize how many little methods I use daily to organize myself.
The issues I get are when someone else does not adhere to my methods, or when (And this happens often with our government) one gets two or more conflicting methods or rules, where I hit a blank "Does not compute!"

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greenmm37
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27 Jul 2020, 2:10 pm

usagibryan wrote:

Do I deserve my job? Will I ever get a higher paying position? Will I ever be able to live on my own? Will I ever be in a relationship? I feel like a loser, or a child in an adult body.

First off, I'm sorry you're feeling this way - I can offer empathy, as I'm in a similar position, only I'm unemployed and feel unqualified for everything haha. Never been in a relationship either, really want to live on my own but have no income, etc. - but enough about me. I just wanted to let you know there's no shame in being in the position you're in. I feel from what you've said elsewhere that you're a hard worker and the fact that you have ambitions means you are moving in the right direction. I wish you the best of luck! (and PS - despite imposter syndrome, I will tell you that you deserve your job - keep moving in the right direction!) Imagine I say this in the voice of Midoriya Izuku: "Ganbatte!"

Kiprobalhato
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27 Jul 2020, 3:35 pm

hinne, wan am lôrelei, gonna sedattiam, let iexen phaei. wanarie trimel. te piath ago cydel, o te el mie hacy shwssa.

veryłiethyn, zie sełiałis lat watsęll wasęlit secre xad. letis feri vacre tynaio shanęlie tieto.

zie dyran cie in, cah me zir neone flet yrie shwmaía, zie vratoorie xad-gatnâ dhagaiselnaít el visroorie

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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 5:06 pm

If I had a sibling living here or a cousin...anyone in my family.. In the city not even in my home necessarily... I would be in a much better frame of mind

Ppl who've lived in one city/town/village for most of theit lives have many blessings that may not be evident unless they have someone who hasn't had that, to compare their situation to.

I never understood why some ppl talk about breaking out of their small town in interviews and in books.. Live in one town and the ppl know you.. You know them.. The places all hold meaning
. how much nicer than having no roots.

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funeralxempire
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27 Jul 2020, 5:19 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:

Unless one feels their roots are toxic and a problem they need to detach themselves from.

Try to consider the situation one needs to be in to feel the way you describe, if those things you describe as blessings have actively rejected a person, that person is likely to no longer feel comforted by those things that should otherwise be comforting. The places might all hold meaning, but what if they're not good meanings? In a small town where one was ostracized and humiliated, all of those people who know you know you for whatever it was that you were made a pariah for and they'll never let you live it down.

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Last edited by funeralxempire on 27 Jul 2020, 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 5:19 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

blooiejagwa wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Hi, I’ve been happy to see you around a little for the past few days

Brave dragon. I'm sorry if I ever downplayed your alarming symptoms by advising mild things like juices at times.

I hope you have lots of pleasant distractions to help the time till Thursday's appointment go by faster.

And then waiting for the results and next steps. So much patience is demanded ...

My elder has some random lumps that look like lymphoma lumps to me... Not cyst type.. Though he has that too in one hand that grew that they said is harmless.

. They developed within the past 2 years..

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blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 5:22 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

blooiejagwa wrote:

I get that. I guess it's naive to assume the same bullies and jerks which seem to comprise a majority of the population would. Grow out of it and/or feel bad about looking down on/bullying someone..
That movie in which the girl is shown xocered in blood .. Carrie.. She totally could have used a move...

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funeralxempire
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27 Jul 2020, 5:47 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

blooiejagwa wrote:

Think about how many people watched that movie and loved her because she got to do what they'd never get the chance to.

I wonder how many mass shootings (pseudo-commando types) could have been prevented if the perp was just relocated to a healthier environment before they acted on their plans. I believe this might apply to some people who get caught up in various extremist movements too, where they find a cause to commit to in order to justify their anger, but ultimately they're just angry and in need of an outlet.

Personally I'd advise one to make angry music instead of harming people with violence. \m/

blooiejagwa
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27 Jul 2020, 6:16 pm

Well my son's nurse and I were just talking about extremist movements for a few days now..

although many got money+ weapons from same 'sources' that include the same countries claiming to be against them, who legit call it 'the great game' and see it all as part of a lovely political game) and i think it's not anger so much as uneducation + injustice + instability + no other option + brainwashing. that might lead to anger but the anger itself is a reaction - the roots are elsewhere.
(which would be further divided into categories: poverty/war = instability, drug addiction = instability, etc)
money and brute force reigns still despite anything we hoped the world would be by this point. also extremism can then be absorbed as they become powerful enough to render no other challenge to their authority. fascism. some are accepted but nobody says anything, some people can still safely speak out about if they don't live there. safe example would be the egyptian army and Sisi who by force subdued and massacred jailed tortured en masse, ppl of the Muslim brotherhood in egypt including the ELECTED ruler --
and anyone who filmed/photographed them (as reporters) were also killed, maimed, imprisoned, or had their lives in danger if they managed to escape the aforementioned. similar to syria or nazi germany or fascist italy, you can be reported by spies who could be in your own family. then the judicial system for the mockery of trials, the way things were extended, treatment denied, etc. that will all lead to anger - but to what purpose? so it becomes accepted as the alternative is that bad- or people just shut off their brains and hope against hope that one day there will be justice.

another example is kashmir which has been far worse for far longer, and accepted by the world.

so i guess what i mean to say is, there are situations where 'escapism' like music as u say, or art, or dance, etc is the only peaceful option - and maybe that escapism can become part of the solution, one day. hopefully. ( like capoeira)

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